Good morning! Friday morning blog! I do not want to sound like a broken record! Most of you have seen my before and after pictures! This poem is about change, I really cannot stress it enough! If you look in the mirror everyday, with pain in your eyes, with questions like, what happened to me? What made you start choosing other things you think are fulfilling, when they are not! Really you are hurting yourself more! I am not judging anyone! Wherever you are in this life, I have been there! Going from one bad choice to another! I did not have a weight problem growing up! But, looking back and seeking help, I can see how distorted my mind and thinking was! Everyone knows, I think, with addiction, it is a way of changing your thinking process! Say you lose 100 lbs. if you do not change your way of thinking about food and your health, that weight will come back! Plus when the weight comes back, 10 or 20 more come along! In all of my very young days , I always thought I was fat! That is not a nice term and not a healthy way to see yourself mentally! We need a mentally healthy way to see ourselves! So, because that is what I thought I saw in the mirror, most of the time I did not eat! Especially at parties or events! I did not want anyone to see me eat! Everything that came my way, was controlled by food, I did not believe I was acceptable the way I was! When I had my babies, I gained 50 lbs. with each one! I lost the weight after each one, but always for the wrong reasons! I did exercise off and on, only to get me to where I thought I looked good! Which was never! Talk about a rat race! Yo-yo dieting is worse on your heart and body! Each new addiction in my life was a reason to let food control who or what I would be attracted to! Distorted way of thinking! I want my mind and body healthy! When my dad passed, the grief was overwhelming! I had so much garbage in all other areas of my life, I turned to food again! I stayed at 234 for almost 5 years! But even with my gastric bypass, my thinking and reasons were all screwed up! I couldn’t sooth myself with food anymore! I liked to gamble, and that spun out of control! Almost destroyed me and everyone and everything I love! In that time frame, I gained back 30 lbs. and kept it on for 3 years! So, forced to take a hard look at my life, I hated me! You are are not good for anyone like that and my husband was already diagnosed with Parkinson’s and was quite ill before that! I knew it was going to take work, change is not easy! I love my family! A sick wife cannot take care of a sick husband! Recovery started in 2015! Therapy, group therapy, walking, medication adjustments, forgiveness of self, forgiveness from God and forgiveness from family, putting God first, journaling! I still have all of the emotions of everything! I just do not stay there! I am not going backwards! I am all about positive change! I talk to myself, I give myself pep talks, positive thinking! I am almost 9 years out and I have 100lbs off! I want my life, the one God has always wanted for me! I am in no way telling any person how to live! But, if you are unhappy with you, you are the only one that can change it! My daughter was very angry with me! Probably the best words ever said to me, from her! Stop talking, your words mean nothing until you take action! It was baby steps, one day at a time! I will never be all the way there until heaven! But, be certain, I will not stop striving! I wasted enough time, crying over spilled milk! I cry, I just don’t stay there! These things are possible! God bless your day! Make it the best one ever!❤️🤗🤗❤️
Marilyn’s Heart 