A Gambling Mind

Good morning! Monday morning blog! I am going to share this morning about my gambling addiction! Why? Because today I finished my 6th journal and starting my 7th! Yes, I am proud of that! Before, I was a person that did not always finish things or did not follow through with things! Gambling just started out as fun for Denny and I! We started really liking it, spending weekends in Windsor or wherever there was a casino! Over the course of years, it became part of our everyday life, vacations! The kids were grown, we deserved time away! Whatever excuse came, we were in the trap! Only we did not know it! Denny was able to take it or leave it! Not so with me! Everything we celebrated, I wanted it at a casino somewhere! To the point of risking everything, including relationships! I was in a fantasy world everyday! If I was not at a casino, I was dreaming about being at one! And, in my mind I was winning bigger and bigger! Talk about a break with reality! In 2013 Denny became very ill, to handle that pain, I went to the casino more and more! Cars, busses, just get me there! How selfish! Denny saw the problem and spoke to our daughter about it! Not good! Our daughter is very strong where her father is concerned! To make a long story short! I was confronted, I sought help, going about it all wrong! Starting in 2014 and Denny’ diagnoses of Parkinson’s, I relapsed 3 times! It was not good! I went to a center for help! I found out a lot! Addictive personality! I just kept trading one for another, summer of 2015, I started walking, I had 30lbs creep back on me in my misery! That was after a gastric bypass! Really not good!!! I was walking misery! But, I had to show, I meant business! My family was riding on my recovery! I kept walking, I took that extra 30lbs. off and another 20! My bipolar mind wanted to fly under the radar, I am on meds, I just wanted my own way! Time to take responsibility for myself! My positive go to’s are, God first, prayer, journaling, walking and baking! I am 3 years clean from gambling, I am 8 years out from my bypass surgery and I am steady at 100lbs off, walking almost 4 years, starting my 7th journal! My family trusts me again, God keeps me in check! Only positive thinking, I choose Joy and happiness every morning! All of those other emotions, they are still there, I am human! I take care of each one as it comes! So this poem is about how bad my addiction had become and in my mind what I was willing to sacrifice to keep it! So thankful for a family that loves me, cares for me and did not stop until they had a healthy mom to be a healthy caregiver for their father! I was forgiven! They love us beyond measure! I did not think it was possible to put that life behind me, guess what, I was wrong! Forgive yourself! God bless! He will help you! Have a fabulous day and week!❤️🤗🤗❤️