Too Young

Good morning! Thursday blog! I have seen a great deal of Anniversary celebrations on Facebook this month! Who of us women, did not want to be a June Bride? I can see, many of you out there are June Brides! Our beautiful granddaughter, last June 2018 became one! What a lot of you might not know, I too, was a June Bride, 1970! Fresh out of school, married at the end of the month! I was only 17, it was not a have to, it was a want to! I met him through other family ties! In 1968, I was in Florida, with my family, visiting Grandparents! I was only 15! He was a Marine, on furlough , visiting his Grandparents! Through those family ties our Grandparents were friends! He came for dinner and asked me out, being family by marriage, my parents said yes! He left, went back to his station! When we arrived home, he was already here with his family, to say, goodbye, volunteering for his 2nd tour of Vietnam, he was a Sargent! He sought me out to say goodbye, I went to the airport, with the promise of writing everyday! A promise I kept! 10 months later, 1969, we became engaged right away! Looking back, I believe we were both flying by the seat of our pants! My parents gave me a beautiful wedding with all of the trimmings! Being an undiagnosed bipolar, I did everything to please people! I was a good wife at 17! The day after our wedding, at our hotel, I looked in the mirror, I said to myself, what did you do? That was the start of delusional thinking! I believed a child would be the mender of our marriage! I wanted a child more than anything! God gave me a beautiful baby boy at 20 years! He is 46, there are not enough words to describe what my children mean to me! But, children are not meant to be our saving grace! Nothing or anyone can do that for us, only God can give you what you need to fall into its proper place! I woke one morning, and I wanted a divorce! It’s painful to visit the past! I was so selfish, only thinking of me! Blaming everyone! I own the hurt that I caused! We would have been married 49 years this month! Attitude, selfish pride and blaming each other, took us in very different directions! His pride took him far away from us! My point, I tried to erase a person from my life and my sons life! I still believed it when I met Denny! 20 years ago I had opportunity to see my 1st husband again! I told him how sorry I was! I do not know if he forgave me! It gave me peace! I love my family beyond measure! In humanness, we hurt each other badly! I cannot take back any of that pain! I am not sorry that I had another husband long ago! We created a beautiful boy that was born on Valentines Day! That 1st husband gave our son to Denny! My boy was given a wonderful father! I believe that says a lot! Just be careful of choices and riding on feelings! I have a trail of hurt that I have made peace with! My God has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself! I am moving forward not backwards! There is a reason to look into a rear view mirror! It shows what’s behind us! Leave it there! Consequences are painful! Life is lessons learned everyday! Make sure you learn from them! I now know my 1st husband has demons coming from a horrible war! He has illness also, stemming from that war! I pray for him! God bless all of us as we move through this life with tough decisions! Consequences can last a lifetime! Move forward with loving kindness for all! Not one person can know the demons that one has had to put to rest! Let your love and compassion flow from you! God is the only one that can take care of all things! Love and Grace to all of you!❤️🤗🤗❤️