I Miss You

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I write these blogs, I hope, I pray, to help someone going through these things, that have touched our lives and changed our lives forever and what we thought our future would be! What was I thinking? That no illness or anything hard would never happen to us! God did not promise anyone of us a life free of any tribulations or suffering! I already have shared how warped my thinking was! I find it all so sad now! And, since I am a human, I could destroy myself, in my own mind! Would I be able to take care of Denny in that state of mind, no! Now that I am on the positive path, life is so different! If I had not gotten help when I did, a diagnosis like this would have buried me! I will say this, I know enough to not ask God why! His ways are so much higher than ours! I still have Denny, I am so thankful for that! I do let out a good cry every morning, when I am having my alone time, I am also a shower crier! I want Denny to see me smiling, humor can make him smile! But, I shared how this illness is a thief! It is taking the best parts of him away! Since it is a brain disorder and the parts of his brain that control many things! All of our days are different! It is taking his facial expressions away! I get really close and look in his eyes! His eyes tell me he hears me and loves me! His eyes will stay blue, which I love! I ask him everyday, do you still love me? Humorously he says, yes I do! Of course I know he does! A Policeman, an Umpire and a 300, excellent Bowler! He has the rings to prove it! It all came to a screeching halt! I don’t ask God why, but, I will say , life is not fair! You can ask anyone, he was a well respected man and still is! His children and grandchildren adore him! Whatever the past had, that hurt, does not matter! His memory is being affected! That’s a hard one! I have always thought, even before illness, how terrible it must be to love someone for so long and have them give you a blank look!! His legs and posture are really being affected! It comes and goes! We need to be prepared every day, because it’s different! I cannot, I will not, let these different things destroy me! Denny needs to see and feel happiness and know how much God loves him! This is not a punishment! It’s life, we do not have to like it, but, we have to accept what we cannot change! If you don’t, it can very well destroy you! God is good always! He hears us when we cry! Pour your heart out to Him, He is the giver of all joy and the healer of all hurts! Amen!❤️Have a peaceful evening! Do you know the One who watches over you, always? We are not promised tomorrow! Always hug and say, I love you! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️