So Many Emotions

Good evening! Thursday blog! Yesterday and today, I got to walk! Walking to me is the same as breathing! Lately, I feel as if I am suffocating, because I want to run out the door for me! Then I feel selfish! I am on a roller coaster of emotions, that no one could have prepared me for! Walking is as much for my mind as it is for my body! I am so very thankful that I have been through recovery! I am a crier, I always have been! I am bipolar! I am not as concerned as some, I take my meds! My time in the morning with God is more important than ever! He sees me, He hears me, He wants the best for me! I know these things with all of my heart! That does not mean my heart is not breaking in a million different pieces every minute! When we look at each other, it is love, but, also pain! In our younger married life, I remember thinking, what if Denny is taken from me! Who am I, if not Denny Reeds wife? I love him and have loved being his wife and honored to take special care of him! I am more than that! I know who I am! I have many titles, I have many ideas! I’m already grieving, I can’t imagine it being worse, but I know it will be! I know all of the right, positive things that I started to put into play in 2014! None of that has left me! I would not be human if I did not have emotional pain! I am watching a slow movie of my husband, our children’s dad, our grandchildren’s Papa and our new little Lucas, who will only know his great Papa through pictures and stories! He is being taken in ways I can’t even conceive! Especially a mind that was as sharp as his! It’s just not fair! But God never promised no pain, but promises to carry us through that pain! Long after this is gone, I will go on singing Denny Reeds praises! He is wonderful enough to keep spreading awareness about this ugly disease and how it can eat a family alive! We cannot let that happen! I love you forever, Denny Reed! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️Emotions, up and down! I have always been afraid of roller coasters! Now, I’m living on one!🥺💔