Good afternoon. Saturday blog. Let’s back up several years, January 14, 2006. My dad passed away, right after arriving at Hospice in Perrysburg! We were all going to tell him goodbye there. That did not happen. I cannot speak for my sister or our mom. I know I cried. How much, I don’t remember. I didn’t do any kind of grieving! Not like our children are doing with their dad! My Denny. I do know and remember that I sat down on the lazy boy chair and I tried to eat myself to death! I ate constantly, when we went out, I ordered the biggest and finished before Denny. My poor husband. I call eating like that, a slow suicide by food. Everyday more dissatisfied with myself. I gained 75 lbs. I was miserable, gastric bypass, I am at 114 lbs. lost. Still handling stress wrong. I really started to clean up my act. As Denny’s disease progressed, I learned anything that alters your life in any way, it needs to be grieved! So I was grieving Denny before God took him! But after he was gone, quickly there was change. Everything we took care of him with, disappeared! I had to make our bedroom look like a bedroom again. This was a new side of grief, that I still don’t have any words to describe. Quickly I made it my mission to learn as much as I can to cope with whatever break down came my way, all in the name of grief! So, here we are, Denny has been gone 4 months already! I know now that grief will never leave me. No choices, except to keep going forward! Now I have conversations with grief. I need to know and be watchful, it shows up whenever it wants. Like an uninvited guest. Grief has come to live with me, we will be friends at some point in time. Grief is so rude, so uncaring, no manners. I could be moving along well, in the car, home, Drs. Office, grief comes calling, uninvited! It’s going to be like a beast, ugly and brutal! In time though, I will start to share our life with grief, to make peace. Share all of my memories, maybe grief will be polite enough to ask how I am and give me permission to cry, as long as I do not stay there! Grief is not done torturing me yet! It goes to bed with me, gets up with me! We have to become friends, it’s the only thing to do, until grief and I can walk holding hands. I would love to pass grief by, but it said, you have to go through me! Then I can tell grief all of the wonderful things with a smile! And, through all of this God has not left me. His presence is stronger than ever, and God keeps every promise! Have a good night. God bless your holiday weekend!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️
Marilyn’s Heart 