I Miss My Husband

Good evening. Saturday blog. I had a great morning. The air was perfect for walking, 5.9 miles! I feel so good after walking. Mine is not a stroll, it’s aerobic. I want to stay healthy until God has other plans! So, after two great days, grief came for a visit today, unexpected! I have recently had to replace all of my clothing, because of weight loss and inches! Remember, moms house is small. When we moved in two years ago, big downsize. I have said for six months, I am not ready to do Denny’s clothing. Half of the dresser and half of the closet was still his. I am not ready to part with his things, but I did remove them, organized them, folded them neatly, in two laundry baskets. That will remain in here. I am resourceful with space. That’s where they will stay until I am ready. What I was not prepared for, was the rush of emotion, as I grabbed an arm full. I didn’t stop. I got it done. I am sure at some point it will be ok. I have cried most of the day. I went out and laid in the sun, vitamin D has to make you feel better, right? I read my grief book while out there. This book is so good, I am going to read it again and again, to stay well, in grieving well. Before bed, I started looking at pictures, round 3 came. I’m ok, I’m typing, laying my heart out here. You don’t just miss the presence of the person you had and loved for so many years, it’s everything you did, and said to each other, did together. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Let me say as lovingly as I can, if you are still fortunate to have your spouse, one of you is going to go through this first. Grab every minute and make it count, because it hurts like nothing I have ever felt! I have had, a broken arm, 4 middle of the body surgeries, 2 miscarriages, birth of 2 children, 3 joint replacements and nose surgery. All of that is painful, but it heals, it can be rehabilitated. You can’t do that with grief, no time frame. So, after the evening cry, I grabbed the iPad so I could poor my heart out to you all. I still know and do all of the right things to grieve well. Believe me, I call on God a lot and all of His promises. I know there true, because I recover. 45 years is a long time. I am selfish, I wanted so much more time. Yet I can smile about all of our wonderful times. We did have them. God was and still is so good! My home church is opening the doors tomorrow after 4 months! I can’t wait. It’s time to close my eyes, grieving is exhausting. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️