My Grief Meter

Good evening. Tuesday blog. It is still running. The needle goes up and down. The nurse asked me today, how you doing? I said, the waves have not stopped! I don’t know when or if they will ever stop! I know what I did and had in place before Denny passed. I’m not going to say that made it easy, it’s not! For 7 years we watched that disease take him more everyday, bits and pieces. For 48 hours we watched and heard death hanging over us. When it happened, I couldn’t breathe. I felt the loss so deeply, I thought I would die from it! Of course these are all thoughts and feelings of grief! I am not dying, the pain makes me feel that deeply. I cry every single day, sometimes it’s severe. It stops on its own, as fast as it started! I have the ability to overcome this pain. By all accounts my therapists and Drs. think I am doing great. There is always the shock in the beginning! To get you through. I wrote two pages on the morning of the funeral. Our daughter read and so did I. We cracked a little. The strength that day of the funeral came from God. I asked Him for strength and He gave it! He is the one in control. My strength comes from the Lord! The morning after the funeral, I walked 5 miles. Nothing in my life has stopped because of negativity or depression. I have been writing for a year and a half. It helps me. I made it through the pandemic. I have been to the grandchildren’s sporting events. I go to church, I stop and eat before I go to the next church. I am bowling again. Still baking whatever I want, whenever something is needed. I do laundry, keep my room clean, bed made. I eat, I’m not starving. I say my life is like anyone else’s! It’s full , God at the top. Only thing different, Grief was tossed into my mix, wether I wanted it or not. My crying does not take me down. Because I have the choice, let sadness destroy me or continue to choose joy and happiness everyday in the midst of tears! So my meter is not broken. God controls it and I grab those promises. So, I put grief in writing now and again hoping and praying that one word will help someone see Gods love and promises. So I can live eternally with Denny! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️