Soon………. A Whole Year

Good evening. Thursday blog. Just three more months, Denny will be gone one whole year! My grief is just as raw as last January! I actually choke on it! I was looking for something earlier and a folder fell on the floor. There were some papers, one said Bucket List in Denny’s handwriting. Our daughter said, he had to write that as part of his therapy. It was a lot of travel, that would have cost a lot of money! Canada was on there. We did go there, to a cabin for 19 years. Our best memories. I feel like someone is chopping me apart. My day was great, I mixed my cookie dough this morning, I went to work, Halloween shopping. I know I don’t stay there. It’s just so painful while I’m there. I can’t even surround myself with family. No hugs, no kisses. Yes, I understand why! God has His reasons why He has each one of us facing each special day alone. I don’t know if it would be more painful all together or all apart, like we have had to do! Thanksgiving, we will all still give thanks. Christmas is still Jesus birthday, to be celebrated. Then January will bring that dreaded 1st anniversary. My family has lost too many people in January. There are many of you on FB that have lost your spouses or partners. You know what I mean and how it feels. I feel like I am in an altered state! It’s exhausting and draining. Yet, I know God walks with me. He does not ridicule me for my very human heart, that just keeps breaking everyday. I have not had a day with dry eyes yet. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️