Marilyn’s Heart

Good evening! Monday blog! As everything in life that touches us, who can know, who can be ready! Illness is one of the big ones! Physical or mental, it can hit you at a terrific speed! Like standing on a beach! You didn’t see the big wave coming! It did not announce itself! Pow! You think you are doing ok! If given a thermometer, you would blow the top off the charts! That’s how fast our day changed yesterday! Without details, Denny fell in the bedroom last night, at 11:30! I was standing right next to him, bam, down he went! Not hurt! But, when Parkinson’s knocks you down, you don’t get up on your own! Thank you Lord for our rescue team on Route 2! They are fast! I will say again how much I hate Parkinson’s! It is robbing Denny everyday of something, his dignity, his person, who he was and knew who he was! Facial expressions are very hard, most of us can still make him smile! Then on the other side, it’s robbing all of us! As much as I know and love God, believe without a doubt, His promises are true, for Denny and I, but the pain I feel inside me, is overwhelming! Sobs fly out of me at anytime! This moment that I am in right now, are some very strong feelings! Who can I cry with, but God, He sees me, He feels my anguish! I’m tired of being strong all day, pieces of my life are leaving me! I can still reach down inside my soul and pull out joy and happiness! I have all of you, who give me love and support, my family and friends! So, every bump that I hit, around every corner, when you didn’t see it coming! That’s when God has in His hands reaching to me! Thank you for listening to me and a good cry! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! Remember, I do not like the word bad, to describe anything! I like to say a different day! We have had a lot of those lately! Too many! Today, surprise, a good day! Not perfect, but good! Denny woke up a couple times through the night! He was a little chatty! I said, you know we have to go back to sleep, right? As a result, he slept in, I got a lot done, he went with the flow! Shower, shave, all of that good stuff! No problem with the legs! A good day indeed! Sunday is the day of rest, I do believe that! Sometimes you just have to squeeze some things in on Sunday! I got out all of my sewing to organize, frosted leftover cookies, got to sit down before bed! In bed early! Needless to say, a holiday week! You all know the fixings! Our meal will be downscaled from the past! Thankful and grateful are the first two things on our menu! Can’t go wrong! Throw in three Dr. appointments, OT, PT, nurse, yikes, groceries! One day at a time, stay focused! Breathe! God is good, He gave us a little more breathing today, take it as it comes! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! Are you a lister? I am! I have lists for lists! Have to list, to do list, appointment list, holiday lists, medication lists, grocery lists, etc. Cross off as things go by or change and then, start over! I even have a list just for Denny! So many different things added to our day, I really don’t want to forget anything! I make a list for each new day, give or take what might come or go! Denny and I had a list! Go back to our cabin, in Canada, Aruba, go to South Carolina more, to see daughter and family and grandkids, Pacific Ocean, Mexico to visit Denny’s brother, my cousins in other states, New York City! Travel, not on the radar! Now, a bucket list I do have! My relationship with Jesus, seek Him first, to keep the faith, grow closer everyday, bible studies, stay grateful for every thing that has touched my life and changed me for better! Keep an attitude of gratitude! Wake up and be thankful for each new day I have been given, it is a gift! To always be there for my kids and grandkids, soon, great grandchild! Stay strong, no matter what we face! I do have a dreamer bucket list, write a book, on many topics! Hot Air Balloon! Play the piano! Learn a language! Bakery? Speaker! Life Coach? Above any of these things, at all times, Dear God, keep me kind and gentle at all times, consider what another is going through, giving of my time! Keep me mentally alert to recognize if someone has a need! Keep me soft and gentle, I don’t care how much something was paid for, or, it is not more important than being loving and compassionate to others, in a dying and hurting world! Just don’t forget your list! What’s on yours? Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! I am learning more everyday about challenges that come our way and how we handle them! Sometimes one just comes out of nowhere, like illness, what Denny and I face everyday! Eating, and all that entails, mom and I, as our whole family, we have always enjoyed eating! We eat to stay alive, Denny cannot eat to stay alive! Challenges we choose, I love to bake, it has become limited, but I do not want to stop! So I still take baking orders! Mostly cookies, I always get it done, challenging, but done! I have and am still learning to tackle one day at a time, with looking at each thing that has to be done! Organization, prioritizing, what is most important, as I tackle each new day! I cannot stray too far from Denny, even here in this smaller house! I hear my name, I still had some cookies to finish for an order for tomorrow! I wheeled him and the pole to me and my frosting! I said, does this bother you? He said no, I just want to be where you are! Yes, tears! What’s important! Denny cannot eat, I could use that as an excuse to say no to some things! These things are important to me! I do not want Marilyn to give up being a wife, mom, grandma, soon, great grandma, daughter, sister, besides caregiver! I don’t like that name much anymore! It is a very important, high calling to take care of someone, anyone, especially a spouse! As many mistakes as I think I make, I cannot let these problems get me down! God has given me a job to do, and quite a test! Thank you God for continuing to mold me and polish me for your glory! How would I take care of Jesus? Now that’s a question! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! God is taking care of me! I know it! I don’t have to see it! I feel it, deep within me! I tell myself all day, Gods got this, don’t run ahead, it gets you into trouble every time! I was upset the other day, if you recall, about Denny’s system! His bags for the pump were on back order, saying it would be weeks! Today UPS came with two boxes! One had single bags, the other had the double system, which took four days! I said thank you Lord! Same delivery guys! To them, thank you Santa Clause! They laughed and that makes me happy! I have agreed to have some help come in a couple days a week! We can’t have just anybody, they have to know how his pump works! Or during his four hour break! It’s trial and error! The only blessing out of this, is my stronger walk with Jesus! My relationship with Jesus is really keeping my head above the water! My time on earth with Denny will always be one of wonder and love! Our love is a miracle! It does not take much for my mind to go backwards! Just flooding me with so many memories! I thank God for taking me places in my mind, relive, so to speak! Memories are one of the beautiful gifts God has given us! You don’t have to think of any bad ones, you can pick and choose which ones, to carry close in your heart! Dr. appointment for Denny tomorrow, my B-12 shot at another Dr. and cookie delivery! That will take care of his four hour break! I do love driving around with Denny! He is still good at directions! I always ask him how to get there! God is good! He’s got this for all of us, we just simply have to trust! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! I know the clocks have all fallen back an hour! If I could change time, I would go way back to 1956! I was 4! Denny was 13 that year! Already a teenager! We lived in different worlds, for sure! If I had known him then, I would have looked up to him, in many ways! I would have a crush on him! He would think of course, you are just a baby! I would have had many dreams about the day I would grow up! How I would look, and he would see me differently! As a grown woman! We would listen to all of the oldies together! We still love the oldies! Of course, I am a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, I yearn now, for our future, that is changing, day by day! To be able to turn time around, it would erase a lot of memories that were made with other people! I do have a story about us! My first husband and I, with friends he worked with, were out for the evening! I couldn’t have been more than 19! We went to a bar, in North Toledo! There was a man sitting at the bar that worked with my husband and friend! That mans name was Denny Reed! That was 1971, Denny was 29! Years later everyone was divorced, he gave that ticket! Do not laugh at destiny! Our story is unique in my mind, my heart, my soul! I have always believed we were meant to be together! Not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination! But, always love! We came together, blended our families and added one more! If I could have one wish, one prayer answered, it would be by the ocean, on the beach, singing oldie music and dancing! Kicking and splashing water until a wave would knock us down! If any of you are dreamers or hopeless romantics! If you are still in good health, make those dreams come true! My Denny was a workaholic! We had a lot of vacations! Great memories! Denny worked until he got sick in 2013! He still worked and never enjoyed a day of retirement! Everything in moderation! Even working! Any day, is a good day, to have a good day! Not scripture, but, wise words! God is good! I’ll say it again! In heaven we will be able to pick any of these wonderful things! Keep my eyes on the prize, eternal life with Jesus! He is my strength, my rock, my Redeemer, my friend! When I feel there is no one, He is the only one! Keep the faith, run the race! It will be worth it in the end! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! Quick blog tonight! I placed our first order for formula since the first original! Seven cases was delivered when Denny came home! Placed an order on Sunday, eight cases came today! But, the feed and water system is run by a pump! Those bags are on back order, for weeks! Are you kidding! Woman at the company said I could use the single bags they sent me! They do not fit the pump! I called for a nurse, one was coming at 5:00pm! She never came! I call again, I got a nurse at 9:00pm! He was off of his system all day! Now I have to wash the double system everyday until the shipment comes! I didn’t want to sleep until I wrote a bit! I can handle these things! But, upset like that makes Denny very anxious! There is no room for error in this! Some people are getting calls tomorrow! I have to see past all of it! Stay faithful! Parkinson’s has made both of us prisoners in many ways! Limitations everywhere! Denny’s bed has railings! He has to stay at a 30 degree angle! I scoot down in my bed to see him! He likes his hand held! I put mine through the railing! So many changes in our life coming at a fast pace! I have to stop and tell myself to breath! God is here! I feel His presence! Goodnight God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! When you are home with a sick spouse, all day, everyday, I am not complaining! You just have a lot of time to read, and in between everything else, you have a lot of thinking going on! It doesn’t matter if it’s all of our wonderful times or our worst times! I cry through the memories of all of it! It went by so fast! I so wish, hope, and pray, when you say those vows, they mean everything! The good, the bad, and the ugly! Hang on until the storm passes! The sun will shine again! Anyone can quit! Fight for each other! Your vows are worth it! We had a lot of both! I loved him, I was committed to him, there was nothing that I would not do for him! Even when I felt like I hated him! Yes, I said that ugly word! Denny and I married with a lot of past baggage, that everyone thinks being in love can cure and make it disappear! Things that Denny and I had been through as children, and we were both married before! We tried to wing it for awhile, and I thought and believed we were on the right track when we accepted the Lord! The healer of all things, if you let it go and give it to God! He will take the burden, but you have to let it go! All wounds need to be cleaned out! You cannot put a bandage on infection and expect it to heal! Praise God, we made it through the mud! It was ugly! The other side is total acceptance! Leave it behind you, where it belongs! A vow is a solemn promise! If at first you do not succeed, you do not throw in the towel! Take it as it comes, deal with it! There are still some that have opinions! That’s ok! I say, in the grand scheme of things, does any of it matter? NO! I am focused on a much higher calling! All will be gone, we will be two perfect souls, gazing in wonder at each other for eternity! The nasty words associated with illness, like Parkinson’s and Dementia will be gone and never uttered again! What a glorious day that will be! No matter who gets there first! We will be waiting at the gate! I love you forever, Denny Reed! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! I believe in the day of rest! Most times anyway! Apples just would not stop calling me! So I took advantage of every minute! Our son has apple trees! When they produce, I get a big basket full! Dumplings! Today was the only free one! I did rest after, 12 pans of dumplings! Therapy starts again tomorrow! Which means, revolving door! Clean up is a snap when mom is around! She likes to wash all of my baking stuff! It is a big help to me! I can make quite a pile! It’s quite a plan that God put into place, giving us a special day just for all of us! To do what ever we want after church! I have great childhood memories of our Sunday’s! Cherish your Sunday’s together! Make them special and memorable! Gods miracles! Please pray for my Denny! His cough sounds awful! Time for sleep! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I really try to not plan to far ahead of things! There is always two ways to go! Be rest assured, tomorrow has enough worry all by itself! I might not be here tomorrow! That’s the truth! Remember, my sons apples? I planned all week to make apple dumplings! Like I was promised tomorrow? God had different plans! And so, it became one of those different days! Neither one of us got much sleep! Even though his lungs are clear, he has a persistent, wet sounding cough, all night! By early morning, I was up and let him sleep! After his shower, he became very limp! I could not get him out! Long story short, I wrapped him in a blanket and firemen came and put him in bed! I was scared, he had one of those episodes he has been having! A nurse came, no hospital run! Thank you Lord! Denny came around and was much better! Our son and our granddaughter came! The rest of the day we watched TV! I did not get a nap! My plan for dumplings today, gone! Gods teachings, when you run ahead and make your own plans! The dumplings will happen, just not today! It’s our way or Gods way! God will win! We have been in bed since 7:00pm! I can’t wait to go to sleep! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! We took the Beagle for grooming, stopped by our granddaughters home, for a little visit with some goodies! Did a couple of errands, picked up doggie and home! Denny did very well today, until I had to get him in the house! My cousin helped me! Daughter and granddaughter stopped for a visit! Yes, I say tonight, What A Wonderful World! Little time things like that mean the world to me! I love the song also, Louis Armstrong! Just one of those meaningful songs, and read between the lines! I saw the sun rising across the bean field, I did not get my phone in time! That beautiful orange color was there! With my joy and happiness, I appreciate everythingI see! I can’t wait for the day! We will be with every beautiful thing for eternity! Thank you God for a good day, because, my God is good! Read the song, and apply! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! I was happy to be able to squeeze in a walk, while a therapist was here!Only 20 minutes across the bean field! It felt wonderful! I am running out of hours that are in a day! 24 of them does not seem like enough! I am lucky these days if I get to sit for an hour before bed! Sometimes I don’t want to sit, I want to head straight to bed! I won’t lie, the days are getting harder, I cry myself to sleep! When you and your beloved are in a room together, do you ever wonder, what if I still have him or her, but just the shell that’s left! No making plans together, no words of love from the other! I know he loves me, he answers me, he repeats me! God, hold us in the palm of your hand! Don’t let go, I won’t let go! I need you! Keep showing me the way down this path until my journey is complete! I love Denny with every last breath in me! I never knew you could miss a person so much, when I have him right in front of me! You know I love poetry, I came across this one! My feelings! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Denny went with me today on a little road trip to Bowling Green! My Dr. appointment! We use to go to Cincinnati a lot! My first baseball game ever! Being on I 75 South brings a lot of memories! We talked about trips that will not be! He has so many phobias now, fearful of a lot of things! I started thinking today, Parkinson’s, or any disease or addiction, affects the whole family! We are all hurting, only Denny does not know it! So much happening in a short space of time! Today seemed like forever! We are both exhausted tonight! I have another Dr. appointment tomorrow! Psychiatrist, not one I want to miss! Denny has two home therapies! A busy Friday also! I have a big basket of apples from our sons yard! Bought all of my baking needs! I am making Apple Dumplings all day Saturday, and I can’t wait! Apple giver gets the first pan! It breaks my heart that Denny cannot have a nibble! I’ll say it again,so much of life revolves around food! I love cooking and baking! The holidays will be a challenge in that area! Just a lot of my thoughts from today! Time for some sleep! Goodnight ! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I love these three words! You cannot say it any better! God has been good to me, when I did not know Him! Good to me after I met Him! Never have I ever deserved it! It’s a gift, it’s right there for the taking! You, do not have to do one thing to receive that goodness! Place your faith and trust in Him! Put your hand in His and His goodness flows freely like a river! Cast your burdens on Him, He cares for you! Even in my saddest moments, I do not forget to meet God early in the morning! I can pour my heart out to Him and there is the goodness of His love! His goodness floods my mind, my soul, my heart, my spirit, my mental and physical, together! He creates balance in my life, when I feel like there will never be balance again! I cling to Him and His promises! They are mine and yours! If I were the only person on earth, the promises stay the same, remain the same! It is well with my soul! Can’t say it without tears! No matter how much pain is inflicted on me, be it my body or my faith being tested! I know mental and spiritual pain from trying to live my own life, my way! Seventeen years! My life and everything connected to me, family, friends, material possessions , all belong to God! When we let go and let God, peace like a river! Yay, though we walk through the valley and the shadow of death, I will not fear evil! Parkinson’s seems like forever, but in all honesty, compared to eternity with God, Who is so good, it’s a blink in time! I love everyone of you! Thank you all for covering us with prayer! That we all need! Let’s continue to lift each other up! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! 9 years out from Gastric Bypass surgery! Nov. 8, 2010! I have never been sorry that I took that route! Now, disappointed, yes I was! I realized even with surgery you have to make good, healthy choices! In the beginning, I melted like a stick of butter! I only lost 60 lbs, in the beginning! My Psychiatrist had put me on a pill, I found out it makes weight gain! I do not like medication like that! 2 years out, I started to gain weight back! I was devastated! That’s not suppose to happen! I never missed my yearly appointment, but I was embarrassed! By 2014 I had gained back 30 lbs. I kept it on for 3 years! I also had picked up gambling! Stating, I deserve to have fun! Denny had already been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and was not well in 2013 either! My Easter picture, 2014 I looked like I did not have surgery! I was miserable! 2014 and 15, I tried to stop gambling on my own, that did not turn out so well! Early in 2015 I started the recovery program, stopped the one med! Stopped gambling January 3, 2016! Without the med I lost 17 lbs. on my own! In August 2015 I started walking, faithfully! Always in the early morning! To this day, I still walk! I took off the 30lbs! And another 20lbs! I started at 234 lbs. at 9 years out, I am down 105 lbs. at 130! In the beginning I just wanted a smaller me and that would make me happy! Not! In recovery, I gained a positive attitude about everything! My choices changed! I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination! God took care of me every step of the way! It has all led to a healthy person that can take care of her sick husband! I am so grateful for Gods promises! He has been beside me every step of the way! Forgiving me, forgiving myself! At 66 years, I care about me! As well as others! This Wednesday I go to BG for my checkup! I can’t wait to get on the scale! Take care of you! You are the only one that can! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! You know what I’m talking about! Boys and girls, when we start school! Oh he’s so cute, oh she’s so cute! Then, the little notes!! As you pass through school there are many, many things that bring boys and girls together! Neighbors, riding the bus, sporting events, dances, classmates! Some find the one early on! Puppy love, teenage love! Break ups, then back together! Whatever brought you together, no matter what order it came in, You just know! My mom was out with someone, but left with my dad! 9 1/2 years age difference! 58 years together before he passed! My sister went to school with her husband, 13 months age difference! 47 yrs. together! Our son and his wife, teenage sweethearts! Same age, 24 years together! Denny and I, 9 1/2 years age difference, 42 years together! I’m sure many of you have similar stories! What I’m getting at, how are things going? Do you still go out, take date time? Do you look at each other and wink, smile, blow kisses, go to ballgames, movies? Turn each other on!Do you help each other? Do you put your spouses feelings above your own? I am no expert! We did a lot over the years, I soooo appreciate the life that Denny shared with us! I read all of your posts about vacation, movies, dinners out, birthdays made special! Do you call each other at home or work! Just to say I love you! Do not put these things on hold! Do not wait until empty nest! Denny and I can tell you, the grass was not greener! What made you realize love? How long did it take? The same thing that made you fall in love, you should be doing now! Stop saying he doesn’t do it, or, she doesn’t do it! The very thing that had you, should still be there! Denny and I lost precious time not putting each other first! We lost sight of Gods plan for us! I weep many times when a song triggers a certain memory! It floods my mind! Make tonight or tomorrow the day you fall in love again, with the same person! Remember when, might not come back! Denny and I have a lot of different things going on, not the bliss I thought we deserved! Delusional! Think about it! God has a lot to say about marriage! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! Just sad tonight! Mental anguish is so hard! His and mine! Can’t write tonight without tears! Leaning on Jesus! He is my compass when I feel lost! Found this poem, just a little of how I feel! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Days can start running into days! Even when you are doing everything you think needs to be done! When lists appear and disappear, I make lists for lists! Organization is on my mind until I go to sleep! Sometimes Denny’s anxiety is over the top, putting it mildly! Sometimes, it’s a good day, sometimes, it’s a different day! I want above all else, to be patient and kind to my husband! Sometimes, I just grab a Kleenex and say, I will be right back, don’t move! Yesterday was a very trying day! It’s no ones fault, it is, what it is! Shifting moods is hard to keep up with! So last night driving home, I said Jesus! I think when, at any given moment, something can change that causes stress, say Jesus! I say it over and over! I told Denny, you try, say Jesus! The powerful name of Jesus, who can calm any storm! Parkinson’s is like a storm, swirling all around us! I can’t think of a better way to get through anything that is circling like a lion! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! I made a decision this morning based on a few facts from the situation! I did not ask myself the proper questions that might have made the day much more peaceful! For all of our kids! I depended on a person, I trust to convey the situation! It pretty much blew up from there! Throwing the whole day off track! Our daughter is not afraid to speak her mind! Her words made me step back and think of the repercussions, for all of us especially Denny! Thank you! Thank God! Goodnight? God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Does anyone look for a good argument? Does anyone start a good argument? Are you angry? Do you start one on purpose? Are you laid back and won’t engage? Do you like to pick until it goes into an argument? Does it matter? With both of us being bipolar, it did not take much to tip our scale either way! I now think, why? Does it solve anything? I don’t think so! I look at Denny! He looks so innocent now! Whatever brought about arguments between us, believe me, we had some serious topics! None of it matters! Whatever I remember about any of it, he does not! When we ask God to take care of these issues, forgiveness to each other, Gods forgiveness, He gives us a clean slate! Sometimes though, I think I wish Denny would engage in one and just as fast, I would never want that! Sometimes I get that look and I say I’m sorry a lot! The nurse asked Denny today, is anything bothering you? I said his caregiver! Lol! He did smile! I say pick your battles, sit down and discuss! Whatever the argument, the only person you can change is you! It’s all in how you look at things! Gods patience and Gods wisdom! Let it go and leave it with God! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I don’t like to use the word fear! But, it is a feeling and it comes calling whenever it wants! When Denny was first diagnosed, I was at the height of my gambling addiction! Now looking back since recovery, I was in denial for quite some time! I can’t even write some of these things, without crying! I knew Parkinson’s was a disease! I never knew anyone personally who had it! I remember Googling right away, I was so afraid and not right with the Lord! I needed to know what we were up against! Was it terminal? I was so relieved that it was not! But, it is different for each person, so, you cannot go on what anyone says! Then I read brain disease! What? I thought it was a muscular disease! Then, there is the really ugly word! Dementia! It’s not bad yet, it also is different everyday! What he remembered or did today, might be different the next day! It is not a kind disease by any standard! Thank you Lord for your never ending touch on our lives! So back to the fear word! I don’t live in fear but, sometimes I am fearful! My biggest fear, that we will wake up and he does not know me! I cannot even conceive how badly that would hurt! Just the thought of it, tears me up! When we talk and the I love you’s are said, he tells me to remember that! Like I could forget our story! In my mind our story is wonderful! We overcame so much pain and hurt! I will remember us for both of us! I know your name, Denny Reed! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! Soooo happy to have Denny sitting here beside me! He really caught up on his sleep last night and half of the day! The nurse came today, she was pleased with everything! We have a busy day tomorrow! Going to get him out for a bit! He gets a four hour break from the feed line everyday! I try to work everything with appointments around that time frame! I really try to stay focused on each thing that comes! I try not to run ahead with my own agenda! When my mind gets boggled, and it does, I slow down and think with my heart! When love, joy, and happiness are there, I turn my mind to it! For me my mind and heart run hand in hand! One tells the other one how to act and react! It works for me! Today was a good day to have a good day! All because my God is good! I pray he gives us more years to age together! So we can have white hair together! My cup runs over from the Lord, with a splash of Denny! Lol! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! I did not see that coming! Denny was discharged before I got there! Went to church and Freeway breakfast with kids! They were already getting him moving to leave! Didn’t take me long to pack him up! He is not as weak as I thought he would be! But, our home care has to start over, not where it left off! The time change really zaps me, Denny looks pretty tired! He is happy to be home! Lots of appointments tomorrow! We just are thankful tonight! Anxious to go to bed! Just plain happy to be here together! God is good! He is on the throne! The three of us cannot go wrong! Continued prayers for us please! Good night! God bless!🙏🏻❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🙏🏻

Good evening! Saturday blog! From the time Denny and I married, we promised each other we would take care of each other! Well, my feeling is, Denny did his part! He provided for his family! He certainly took care of me! Even when I did not deserve it! His love for me has been unconditional! As mine is for him! From the time he entered Otterbein, every day I knew more and more, he would never go to another facility! My mind will not be changed! I am for a fact, have been told by more than one, it is rare to see a person come and sit by their loved one all day until bedtime! I told the kids, he will not go anywhere again, except, 7832 Cedar Pt. Rd. He has been in two five star facilities and twice at the same one star! I give them all 0 zero stars 0!!!!!! He fell at every place! Had to be taken to the hospital from everyplace! Medication screwed up everywhere he went! Never in my life have I witnessed what they call skilled care! I am not trying to insult any professionals out there, but, they don’t love Denny! I do! It’s like take a number and wait your turn! Then what makes people think because they have some kind of license that makes them able to move his body any better than me! I exercise and take care of myself! I do not skip meals! Put to the test, I am stronger than most of them! Even the young ones! Taking care of my husbands needs is not work, nor do I consider him a job to be done! He is afraid, he cannot sleep, his eyes are bloodshot and tears run out the corners of his eyes! Is anyone going to wipe his eyes, much less see the tear! I’m no goddess, but, I love him always! His needs are before mine! I know how to take care of myself in between! Who will be my helper, God! Who will I call upon, God! Who will give me strength, God! I believe in God and his word will be my map through all of this! In human form, he is loved by many that would come and help and all kinds of care groups to come to the home with nurses! He has had the same group, more than once, they know him and I see them! I am done ranting! Continued prayers please! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Have you ever felt it? So many things at once, pressing on you! Making you feel scattered all over! It’s not true! I have learned, only one thing can be tackled at a time! If you see it all at once, your mind becomes flooded! You are overwhelmed! You can’t even think! I don’t try to envision the days ahead! I only want to look at today! I don’t want burdens suffocating me! If Denny saw any of that in me, my words, my actions, worries, fear, negativity! He would blame himself and say he caused it all! Not true! We have shared a life! Some burdens we created together! Some, we each created on our own! When you run ahead of God ,you always make a bigger mess! The repercussions can be heard for a longtime! So, I feel the need to stay positive when we are together! I think about a lot of things! Don’t look back, it cannot be changed! That’s when you start to feel the weight of burdens long gone! Today has enough burden without looking farther! I cannot look at any part of our life, with good or bad choices, without being more in love with Denny! When I can only sit and watch him in a hospital bed, I see the shy policeman that gave me a ticket, I see the man with a heart as big as Texas, loving my child as his own! I see our wedding day, our daughter being put in his arms! I relive our vacations, our anniversaries, so many birthday celebrations together! I will remember it all for both of us! When I get really close to his face, when we can only see each other’s eyes! It’s hard to believe the years passed so quickly! I love those blue eyes, the way he still looks at me, like seeing me for the first time! God has been so good to us, giving us so many memories! God is the one to carry the weight of our world with its many burdens! Illness that just comes out of the clear, blue sky! Dear God, please carry us through to whatever it is you have for us! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Happy Halloween! Without a bunch of details! Called the squad at 11:00am! It’s been a rough day, the kind that drains you! Thank you Jesus! We just got in a room! 8:30pm! Just that fast, our plans changed overnight! Sure keeps me on my toes! Funny I should say that, I had just finished giving myself a pedicure! I thought he fell asleep, a little more than that! But, we do not know why! Some tests and cultures are being done! 10:37pm, I just got in bed! Soooo, once again , I will say, cherish every moment, everyday! It can change overnight! We know, more than once! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Way back on Jan. 3rd, 2016, I decided with much help and support from my family, I decided to quick gambling, as well as other behaviors! All of it was destroying me, my life, my relationships, All of them! Living a secret life is exhausting, full of misery! Therapy, group therapy, Mary KAY meetings whatever positive I could get my hands on, I wanted! But, we all know none of this is possible without God first! My relationship with God had become a distant memory! Lots of self work brought me full circle with my Lord! None of that can take place without forgiveness to your self! So much shame, guilt, regret! To move forward is not possible without forgiveness! From God, from myself, from my family! I started working hard and at a particular house I heard K-Love radio for the first time! As soon as I am up in the morning, it’s on, on my phone, on my IPad, in the car! Speaking the love of Jesus, 24/7! If I am rushed, or unorganized on any given day, I hear Gods word and music! It’s the best and I love it! Skip and Amy in the morning, are hilarious! My coffee, my devotions, my journaling, all done with listening to all positive things to start my day! I listen to secular music, it all makes me cry and takes me down, especially love songs! I draw strength from hearing Gods word while I am running around busy! Look it up, they have an app. All positive and encouraging! Goodnight! God bless!🎼❤️🤗🤗❤️🎼

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I have some kind of storm going on everyday, in my heart, in my mind, in my soul! This is a season in our life, that I would gladly throw away! I cannot describe the many feelings that go through me on any given day! Everyday is different! I ask God continually to calm my storms that rage! It is not for me, to question God! He has a purpose for Denny and I! We try to be patient, as we wait upon the Lord! My anchor holds! I know both sides and pain can linger a longtime! I am not happy to see my husband struggle more everyday! It would be unbearable without the Lord! We didn’t sleep much last night, he had a bad wet cough! Nurse came out, I cancelled his other two appointments! So I switched gears to work on the cookies! That’s something calming for me! I know on any given day, it could be a trip to the hospital! Our storm is continuing onward! It’s not going to stop! Two choices, I can be angry, kicking, screaming, swearing! There would be no peace in my valley! God gives peace and comfort that passes all understanding! Happiness is a choice and I choose it everyday! I lean on Him! When plans and life can turn the other way quickly, I call out His name! I took care of Denny’s pump and tube all weekend, by myself! Certainly doing things we did not plan on! Two home appointments tomorrow! A four hour break from his feed and pump! We are going to deliver cookies and Halloween goodie bags! Dry tomorrow, wet on Halloween! I want dry! Choose happy, it takes a lot less energy! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! Never say never! These are some of the not so nice words we let ourselves believe and become! They don’t do anything for us, but make one feel worse, if you are suffering, in any way, feeling sorry for yourself can really drag you down! When one thing after another brings these feelings in your life! Even if all three are part of your life! I do not want these three to be part of my life! In humanness we feel these and we can choose to stay there, or we can rise above! Positive self talking! It’s just as easy to apply goodness! These three lay blame on the ones around us! I would not be lonely if, I would not be resentful if, I would not be bitter if! We can only clean up our own act! It does not matter how far back it goes! If you keep sweeping it under the rug! They come out, when you least expect it! I have been there! It’s like toxic waste! Can burn like acid! I have a lot of time to just sit and reflect! They might come calling, but I won’t let them in! God wants all of those burdens from us! There are a lot of people out there that can point you in the right direction! I have such people in my life! I am better because they were strong enough to say, enough is enough! Stop talking and start doing! The gift of it all, peace of mind! Love, Joy and Happiness! I love these three! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Sunday blog! As I promised! I feel somewhat refreshed this morning! Mom said, why are you all dressed up? I said, for me! I wish I could go to church! I have three churches that I love! 1st one, our church home of 40 years! Our salvation came from the teaching at that church! 2nd one, as circumstances go in life, we fell by the wayside, but still desired church, 10 years off and on! 3rd one, the church where our granddaughter found salvation, and was married in, has revival every Sunday morning! All three have God fearing, bible preaching leaders of the flock! So, with modern technology all offer their services on line! I can pick one or all three! That’s part of my self care, Gods word! I need to be and stay positive in all things, not just caring for Denny! Even if I have a meltdown, and I do! I am human! I choose not to walk in self pity! It’s pretty easy to feel trampled on when caring for someone! That is not a complaint, just a fact! I said feel, I know I am not trampled on! Denny has always loved me, and I him! Even in our darkest moments, we knew! Our love is standing the test of time! God certainly helps in moving past that kind of pain! As God forgives, we were able to forgive! We do appreciate each other more after going through fire like that! Life has its challenges for sure! Be careful not to get lost in the shuffle! Do not give into what you feel at any given moment! Be strong with the Lord! Trust yourself, examine yourself, Gods help is right where you are! No matter how dark or hopeless it looks! There is always a second choice if you look and seek! As organized as I have tried to be, I need to be more organized now! Sometime over this past year, I have been taking the time to wear my Mary KAY face again! I wore make up my whole life, because I did not think my face was acceptable without! Not true!!!! Now I wear it for me, I am worth the time! Trust yourself with love, for yourself! Care for yourself with love, for yourself! God does not make anything negative! We are made perfectly, in His image! Take care of you! You are the only you, you will ever have! Shout it from the rooftop! Joy and happiness always! You cannot be kind to others , if you are not kind to yourself! Have a fantastic Sunday with the Lord, family and friends! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I am taking sometime for myself right! now! I can’t keep my eyes open! To be continued tomorrow! You all get some sleep! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Well, when Denny first got the tube, I thought how awful! I never thought about taking care of it! Everyone said it’s a skilled nursing thing! I was nervous! We are talking about life here! A man who just loved what he ate! Flavor, texture! Think about your favorite foods, all of the events in your life, where food is the main attraction! We couldn’t wait to get to the movies, fairs, amusements, holidays, weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, showers, vacations, picnics, poolside, even funerals! We took food for granted! Like we would have it forever! Plus, I am a baker! We live to eat food, when in fact, we should eat to live! I’m the first one to admit, I am guilty! It wasn’t just presented to us as a maybe, it was an emergency! Nobody should feel guilty for eating, it’s natural! But, if I let my mind go, I could let it destroy me! One of our very favorite things was gift cards for dinners out! Just second nature to stop for breakfast or lunch after appointments! Sunday dining after church! I absolutely love pizza, my favorite food for birthdays or anytime! Not a thimble of water or medications! All crushed! Everything goes through the tube, everything has to be changed every 24 hours! Bags, tubes! One bag water, one bag formula! All runs through the pump! Today I did the whole thing with the nurse, I did not make any mistakes! So practice doesn’t necessarily mean perfect, but it will build my confidence about taking care of something so serious! I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, I still eat, mom still eats! We do not eat in front of him! I love a beautiful table for meals! For now, I will just look at pictures and cherish the memories! Who would think food could be gone in an instant! We didn’t! God is good, even without food! We will feast on Gods word! He is the bread of life! Where true strength comes from! Be mindful of all your gifts from a God! Even a glass of water! I am praying for confidence, not just in tubing, but in all areas of life, especially where Denny’s needs are concerned! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️

Good afternoon! Wednesday and Thursday blog! Sooo sorry I have not written to keep up! I had every intention of writing yesterday morning! When the hospital bed became a priority for Denny, we had to clear out the room! Moms neighbor and my brother in law, Gary moved the queen bed! Her furniture weighs a ton! Cleaned out and reorganized! My old twin bed, with new box spring and mattress! I was in there all day! So tired last night, the feed pump for Denny was not pumping properly! I thought his tube was blocked! That got us late to bed! There are not that many buttons on the pump, but, you have to hit the right one, at the right time! Since the beds face the dresser now, I cleaned everything, and made room for a TV! Today, I cleaned up my sewing corner and organized everything! Whenever there is an extra minute, I try to make the most of it! That’s why I get up so early! Time is precious, it proves it everyday! When something changes your course of the day, I try to go with the flow! Or, a person could become depressed, bewildered, angry and so on! I don’t have time for any of those! I do take time for me! This season in our life, is not the time to put God on a back burner! I cling to Him more, talk to Him more, listen to Him more! As bright as the sun, moon and stars, He shines brighter! That is the light for us to follow! So, for awhile our doors will be revolving, in for the therapists, out for the Drs. with follow up appointments! My mind needs to be clear, with lots of notes! Have a great evening! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! Short one! I am so grateful tonight to have this man beside me! He wants the light out! Switching my blog back to mornings! Thank you for being here for us! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! Everybody knows that famous phrase, from that famous movie! I know Denny has to feel that way! This has been our way of life since August 2013! If I were to sit down and add all of that time together, I’m sure it would be over a year! Let’s not forget the weeks of outpatient rehab, rehab at home! Any place away from a hospital or a facility is home to me! Denny is my home and I am his! He looks to me for stability, but yet he does not believe me until he sees it! Today we all decided a hospital bed is a good and positive thing for him and everything he has going on! Tomorrow is a celebration for us! A homecoming! Kind of funny, not haha! October is homecoming month, so we are having one right here! We just won’t be celebrating with food! Food is over rated anyway! We only need it to stay alive and energy! I only want hope, faith, peace and love in our valley of life! I have said this before! We know all of these things will be forever in our eternal home! Dear God take care of us in this valley, how ever long you give us! I love all of you out there, wherever you are! I thank my God for all of you, my family and friends! You are all appreciated!Thank you for your continuous prayers! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! As good as yesterday was , that’s how fast Parkinson’s and Dementia can rear it’s ugly head, and give you a completely different day! So I am up for the task when I walk in! But, as the day moves on, so do the changes in him! I know what I can expect on any given day! So tonight, I feel quite drained! It’s not Denny’s fault! It is what it is! I know where my strength comes from! But my shoes today, feel so heavy! I am sharing a couple of things to read! I am so tired! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! Sweetest Day use to be a big deal! Hurt and offended if I was not acknowledged! Flowers, candy, big fancy cards that say all of that mushy stuff, dinner or all of it! Don’t get me wrong! All of that is wonderful, makes you feel special! I loved it! I forgot today was Sweetest Day! If Denny remembered, he did not say so! But, today he held my hand, almost all day! Every time he looked at me he said, I Love You! So we said it a lot today! When we got Denny in the chair, the aide said it is Sweetest Day! So, today became special, in more ways than one! We had a very nice walk around the grounds, it is beautiful there! He smiled for that picture without me asking him to! If I never see another rose or eat another chocolate out of a heart box, today will be what I remember! Those were gifts and blessings! Appreciate the days you have together! It can all change in a day, in an instant! He asked for a piece of gum again! It’s really hard to tell him he can’t! God is our provider, our comfort, in the darkest days! I do not know what tomorrow holds! I only know it’s all in Gods hands always! God is still, always good! Be good to yourself, it is an insult to God, to not care for yourself! And all of those close ones, all around, love and kindness always! Goodnight! God bless! And, oh yes, Happy Sweetest Day to all! ❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Everything is in place for Denny to come home! He has been cooped up since August 17th! He doesn’t believe me! I took a break this evening! I went to Whitmer to see Clay! They were getting beat pretty bad when I left! I only wanted to see the band! Our granddaughter plays the flute! They were great! But so is Whitmers band! It was so good to walk this morning! I have been seeing a lot of deer! They are over here, not at the park! Driving home tonight, the song by Chicago, Color My World was on! That has always been our love song! Everyone has a special song, right? I cry when I hear it! Dancing at weddings! My memories! I love that song! Denny lit my life up like a Christmas tree! He bought beautiful colored things, like Precious Moments! I love my little statues! The best colognes! The best restaurants! Just material things, but, my memories from him! We did have a colorful life, both being Bipolar! I will say again, thank God for medication! We saw the color of sunrises and sunsets together from the boat, on Lake Nipissing! Our very colorful vacation spot for 19 years of memories! Denny is stamped on my mind, heart, and soul forever colorings my world! God colors my world now, everyday! Color someone’s world! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! My relationship with Denny and he would say the same of me, was complicated to say the least! We both knew early on, we both came with a lot of baggage! We ran on feelings! It’s funny, I can chuckle about it now! We have so much more than feelings! Our marriage has three, God, then us! If you get those three mixed up, the door opens for all kinds of pain and heartache! Forgiveness has been a very large part of our marriage! Somehow, we saw and moved past our imperfections! I now find that to be a rare quality! We saw past the sin and felt our love! I am so grateful that Denny saw past my imperfections and I looked past his! God is trusting me to take care of Denny! Thank you Denny, my love, and thank you God! Poor your strength on me! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! I did not get to walk! It rained all morning! I spent a good portion of the day, on the phone with insurance companies! Never fun! Found out this afternoon, Denny is not coming home until Tuesday! Waiting on Medicare! Disappointed, is an understatement! I have been crying for an hour and a half! When it starts, I swear my heart is breaking in half! It hurts so badly! I am not feeling sorry for myself, not looking for pity! Anyone can get sick, it’s a fact of life! I know Gods word! He will not give me more than I can bear! I cling to His promises, they are true! I am running on feelings tonight! Feelings can get one into trouble! I am thankful I know the difference! I see my psychiatrist every month! She thinks I am handling things, my emotions, in a healthy manner! It just hurts! I miss him, I miss so many things, his personality, his mannerisms, his drive for perfection, a gifted bowler, gifted in math! His work ethic was next to none! I will always call him a wonderful man, a wonderful husband, a wonderful father, a wonderful Papa, and he will look at our new great grand baby C in awe and wonder! Because of his loving and forgiving heart! There will never be another like him! Not in this lifetime! I tell our story wherever I go! Dear God, take the reins, for I know I cannot do this alone! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! Good news today! Denny’s discharge is Friday! Everything he needs has been ordered, and on the way! I do not have a lot to say tonight! I’m tired and I don’t care how cold it is in the morning! I am walking! I have to keep some normalcy in my life! I did go to group today! Always a bright spot! I have some anniversaries I would like to share! November 2010, weight loss surgery, 9 years out, down 105 lbs. July 2014, I started journaling, I still do it everyday, August 2015, I started walking, I am still walking, January 2016, I decided to stop gambling and start group therapy for recovering! You might say, I’ve come a long way baby! LOL! I share because I know I am not the only one with struggles and facing more! If you are at that place, you are the only one that can change you! I am so thankful and grateful that my family stands by me the way they do! I need every one of them! It does take a village! God leads me in every one of my decisions! Oh how I need Him! I love the 23rd Psalm! Use to be, we only heard it at funerals! It’s so much more than that! Each line is a lesson! The first time I heard it was at my grandmas funeral! I could not stop crying! It still makes me cry! The words are so comforting! Read and be at peace, God leads the way! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! Some might say at our age, 66 and 76, that we are in the golden years! I have heard some people call it the rusty years, either joking or with sarcasm! I have heard twilight years also! There are many seasons in life! A lot of different terms! I would not go back! Too many painful choices and consequences! Now, if I could go backwards and rewrite my journey, our journey, I might consider it! Learn from our mistakes! That’s the one, if we are listening to God! Seeing and hearing and doing in obedience everyday, that’s where real peace, happiness and joy come from! It’s the true way to get through the seasons of life! Even when I blow it, and I do, I think of Paul and his words, Romans 7:19! Paul struggled with life, but his love and commitment to Jesus never slumbered! No matter what season we are moving toward or already in the thick of it! Stay true to the one that knows you, better than we know ourselves! The only GoldenYears I want are the eternity ones, dancing on streets of Gold with my Denny! No more pain, no more tears, no more suffering, just surrounded by Gold and Gods never ending love! Let’s try not to think in negative ways about ourselves! Aches and pains come with the seasons of life! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! When one is at a loss for words! When nothing, no matter how you try to rationalize it, makes sense! When you can’t ask why, because I do not question God! But, I feel I am grieving something everyday! Not just my losses, but, Denny’s also! Grief is a process! I am learning in group and therapy, we do not just grieve the loss of a loved one! Disease coming along and taking things away that you thought you would have forever! So many emotions flooding my mind, my heart, my soul! My Denny is the one I wish I could talk to about all of this! So every morning when I get up, I make a very conscious decision to choose happiness and joy! Otherwise, I do not know how I would get through a day! I have been at Otterbein everyday since September 6th! If I did not have an emotional plan with God leading me! I would be a bigger mess! God is foremost in me everyday! My front runner! He clears a healthy path for me to keep moving on! It’s ok, to not be ok! I just don’t want to stay there! Sometimes Denny sleeps off and on throughout a day! I mute the TV so I can chat with God! My comforter in all things! My God sustains me! He is my nourishment!Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! As much as I loved today, every minute! Coming home alone is something I really don’t want to get use to! I am very emotional today! God help me! Does crying ever stop? It’s getting late, I want to walk in the morning and go to church! I’ve had three days off from walking, I had an early morning date with some very special cookies! God is so good! Love your families like you are never going to see them again! We are not promised tomorrow! Have a good nights rest! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! This is a short one, it’s getting late! Giving up sleep is worth every minute I just spent with my beautiful, oldest and first grandchild of mine! She is one of my greatest loves! I did her wedding cake and cupcakes! This week I did her baby shower cookies! I cannot wait to meet the Little Man, as they call him! I can tell by FB posts how much grandchildren mean to everyone, I helped to take care of her for 13 years! She is a delight! I miss them all so much! I need them! They are a very bright spot in my life! God has blessed Denny and I! We have 11! We have 4 great grands down in S.C. I love them all to the moon and back! She stayed for awhile! A visit was just what I needed! Tomorrow I will get to spend some precious family time! God is soooo good! Have a great night and weekend! Weave in some family time! It’s like medicine for the soul and heart! Here is a couple of snipits that tell a bit of that kind of love! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! We had a care meeting today at Otterbein! My Denny is finally coming home! A year and a half ago! We sold our house of 40 years! I took it hard, all of our memories in that house! We made home here at moms! Now Denny’s body needs more attention, from me and all of the care people running in and out! That’s not fair to mom! We will stay here until I get us a place! But really, when you get down to what is important, home will be wherever I am with Denny! I want whatever time God gives us, just the two of us, with our Beagle, to be lived abundantly! Our hearts will be full with each other, for each other! God will be with us! I am quite tired this evening! Goodnight! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay! Hang in there! Do not give up! Finish your journey in this life! We do not know how our journey is going to end, but we can keep steering it on the right path! I know for me, I need to step back and breathe! We are on this earth to run our race to the finish line! Denny and I are in a race, one that if asked we would have said no! That’s not how it works! Whatever, keep running, it will be worth it in the end! We have to train ourselves continually for the many races in this life! You know, I have burned more than one tray of cookies, did I give up baking cookies? No! If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Good advice! Early birds get the worms! Don’t keep looking back! That just creates anxiety, pain and bewilderment! Not the way God planned for us! Make changes moving forward, that creates happiness, positive thinking and joy! Run to finish the race in all areas of life! Do it with a smile! Be your own coach! If you still can’t figure it out, seek help! You are not weak! It takes strength to reach out! Teachers, Deans, counselors, therapists, life coaches, ministers! Countless ways to keep moving forward in your race! Just don’t quit, don’t give up! Even if you have no cheerleaders, no support, do it for you! I did not do anything to help myself, I hit the bottom of the barrel at 63! I hit a brick wall, with nowhere to turn! God does help those that help themselves! You have to be ready to want change! You can’t do it all overnight! I like to say baby steps! One day at a time! My therapists example was, if you have a mountain of bills, it’s overwhelming! If you take one bill at a time, your mountain starts to get smaller! It’s true with anything! Stay on course, run your race to be the best you can be! If no one praises you in this life, keep doing right for you, you are worth it! God will say well done! Have a great evening! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I had a therapy session this morning, to touch base, make sure I am still sane! Then group is two hours! Always wonderful conversation, about life, what triggers people! New intern on the scene! I liked her a lot! She had a stack of books, all different sizes and colors, they were all on being mindful! I don’t think it’s a word that gets used a lot! I like it and how it sounds! Maybe people wouldn’t be so hurtful, thoughtless, unkind, judgmental, spiteful, uncaring! On and on, I could keep mentioning actions and thoughts that people act on everyday! Maybe when we get up in the morning, we should start being mindful of all we come into contact with! It’s so easy to get caught up in ourselves and our own agenda, people are all so busy! Being mindful of our own thoughts and what is going on around us! It sounds simple, but it’s not! You can be mindful about a lot of things, but the mind drifts so quickly to ourselves and what’s next! Be mindful of someone standing next to you in an elevator! We can’t get inside anyone’s head! Be deliberately aware of faces around you! I have said this before, watch people and look at there eyes! The eyes can be quite a window! I will use an example! Last week I did not stay for group, because of a mix up on times! I did leave the cake! They all wrote something to me on the back of a piece of paper! They were mindful of me when I was not there!I think we get the picture! So simple, but yet not used much! Look to the Lord and He will show us where! Time for sleep! I am mindful of 8 doz. cookies for the weekend, I am mindful of my beautiful granddaughter getting ready to give us our first great grandchild!💙Goodnight! Sleep well! God bless! ❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! In light of my outburst yesterday, patience and wisdom come to mind! A long time ago at church, from people with great humor would say something light about these two! Watch how you pray, if you pray for these two, God will give you something everyday to practice with! These two, they say, go hand in hand! I obviously didn’t have either one yesterday! Today I decided to wear my best smile, all day! You really do get more flies with honey! The time is getting close for my 1st great grand baby boy! He is do on game day at the end of November! This weekend is the shower! I am doing 8 doz. cookies! I can’t wait! I am missing my grandchildren something terrible! I need these two in a lot of areas! The more you have on your plate, the more these two have to be practiced! Sitting with Denny all day, these two come into play a lot! I think all of us use these two more than we think! None of us will ever be perfect! We should never stop trying though! God is good in all things, all the time! These two need to be practiced in our prayer life! We have to accept what cannot be changed! So, we are using these two more than we even know! We need to be mindful, always! We need these if we want to be loving and kind in all circumstances! I thought you might like to see the definitions! Goodnight! Get some rest! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! Well, I will be truthful, right up front! I lost it today! I went to church this morning, and that’s how fast the devil jumped on me! Yes, I believe in the devil and he will use any circumstance! I’m not saying what it was, I am not running anyone down! I have no idea what those nurses have going on in their life! I was not kind! I’m sure I was the bitter icing on their cake! I will apologize tomorrow! I write this blog, to share, I hope and pray that one word will help someone! I lost control! I was justified saying something, just not the way I handled it and spoke! I know I do not have to beg God for forgiveness, I did ask! Fresh slate! That kind of anger just drains you mentally! I totally ran on feelings today! Gods mercy is new every morning! I will wake up to a new dawning tomorrow morning! Our daughter said, step back and breathe! I have said for quite sometime now, someone should duck tape my mouth! Soooo, thank you dear God that I can start fresh again tomorrow! His grace and mercy covers me always! I did not represent Him well today and I am sorry! Goodnight and God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️