Marilyn’s Heart

Good evening! Friday blog! I have so many pictures on my phone! Pictures of pictures! I will never tire of looking at that handsome face! The face that grew on me everyday! Of course the much younger police picture, was probably early 80’s! The one of us was our last Christmas at our house on Butler St. Look at that face! He looks happy! He is our hero for sure! He was brave and he never complained! If he did, must have been under his breath! So Denny, you have been in heaven almost 6 weeks! Time goes by crazy fast! I have some questions! Who met you at the gate? Your dad, my dad? Jesus! Did you eat with all of them yet? I can just hear all of you! Us down here, we all, crazy miss you! Easter will be hard without you! It’s not to bad when I am out and about, because you were not always with me! But, here at home and pictures of Butler, now those hurt! Walking in this bedroom is painful and hard! I usually start crying as soon as I enter! I am surrounded by you and our many years! Don’t worry, I am not going to put you away! Looking brings on memories and memories make me smile! Kind of a vicious cycle! But always good, when my mind is full of you! Thank you for all of those memories! My memory bank is so full! Thank you for taking care of me all of those years! I’m not against crying! Being busy is very helpful though! Never too busy for my special thoughts of you! Thank You God for our memories! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Grief Share tonight! I just want to stay functioning! I’ll never stop missing him! God is good and I have not asked God why! It is late! I am tired! B-12 shot early! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! As busy as I keep myself, grandkid things, sports, help classes, appointments, church, baking to give, baking for profit, etc. When I turn the light out, I am sobbing! I wish a magic wand could take it all away! That’s foolish talk! I know where my help comes from! The Lord and His word, that was written for me! All of those promises I cling to, like a lifeboat! Working through the pain, leaning on God! I have the blessed assurance! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I’m sorry, did not get writing done, decided to go to group! I am never sorry afterward! I am so very fortunate! These past seven years have been quite a trial for each of us! As a whole unit and individually! Denny became ill quickly, the diagnosis of Parkinson’s came a year later! I was also sick, mine could be healed if I was willing to put in the time it would take to go through recovery! Which I did! But my family did suffer! Forgiveness took time! But, there love and loyalty to me and their father was more evident everyday! I believe forgiveness came easier for them, seeing how their dad loved and accepted me and forgave me! Fast forward! Through these seven years as a family, we have grown together in so many ways! I have not seen that kind of devotion very much! They are not afraid to speak their mind! The love and devotion they showed and gave to their father grew stronger everyday! As his life was slipping through our fingers! I have been blessed with 4 children, 4 in law children, 11 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren! No. 5, is my 1st! The one I spent the evening with! When push came to shove they were here together to tell their father how much he meant to them! What an honor and blessing for all of us to hold Denny, their father in our arms as he was ushered into heaven! My only regret, I should have put a stop to anymore nursing homes in August! He got all he needed right here until the end! With him gone, I know I can count on all of them 100%! I have a loyal family with hearts of pure gold! Thank you, Lord Jesus for blessing our family! I love them all so much and I need them! I knew it would be painful! I can’t even describe it! God is rich in mercy! He will carry us through this pain! I want that same peace that I have, for each one of my kids and their families! Together we will get through this! That’s what their father would want! I will love you forever and always angel wings! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! I had fun delivering cookies! My eyes keep going shut! Five weeks today! Unreal! I had some very nice visits! If you don’t mind, I will write in the morning! Love you all! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! It will be five weeks tomorrow! How can that be? For three days, my voice cracked, but no full blown crying! Until I walked into the bedroom tonight and I remember every detail of that weekend and we knew you were leaving! I miss you everywhere I am, everywhere I look, everything I see, everything I hear! There is something of you everywhere! I especially miss you in here, our room, where we talked at the end of the day! I ask God to calm my mind and heart! Just the humanness of wanting him back! I miss him so much, the presence of him! I would never want him to suffer again! I do love our memories from all of the wonderful times we had in so many wonderful places! I had a great day today! Church, family, lunch with school friends and hockey! I need family and friends more than ever! God knows best, I will follow Him, till He takes me home to be with my angel wings👼🏻forever! Until then, I will stay busy with what God wants for me! Amen! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I had specific things I wanted to get done! I do not like putting pressure on myself! I just have been feeling lousy when I get up! My system is out of wack! Everyday, my walk came right after my time with God! This afternoon I jumped in my walking clothes and boots! I thought the field would be better than nothing! Wrong! Frozen snow is pretty slippery! Came back, put my shoes on and walked 4 miles! Felt great! I want to run the good race, that Paul talks about in the Bible! I want to fight the good fight! I believe Denny did that! He ran his race, the best he knew how to do! I’m sure he heard God say, well done! It’s so different sitting in this room without him beside me! His physical presence will always be missed! The hole in my heart is as big as the Grand Canyon! That’s how it feels anyway! Everything I do will be for my angel wing! If I mess it up, you don’t keep messing up! You get back on track! No feeling sorry for myself! Why!? Nothing unnatural has happened to me! Life keeps moving! Do I wish we could of had him longer? Yes! He was a driving force in our lives! I want to honor him with good things! Feeling sorry for myself is not one of them! God has our lives in His hands! He is merciful and just! He is so quick to forgive! Put your trust in Him! Lean not on your own understanding! That will bring you trouble every time! It’s only to late to make changes when you stop breathing! I tell myself that everyday! God is always good! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday’s blog! This mornings Daily Bread! I love that devotional! Just packed with little morsels from life and always scripture to match! When I started walking in 2015, it had been a while! So I am all hog or nothing! Whatever that means! I was diligent and faithful, I also became fast! In the beginning, from my hips to my knees! Just plain hurt! I knew nothing was torn, I pushed through it! I can still walk fast and nothing hurts! I am so very thankful! All of that walking made me strong! To take care of Denny! God has a purpose and a plan into place for all of us! Are we listening? As Denny grew weaker and pressing towards heaven, I became stronger and my faith in God grew stronger also! One of the songs I chose, God Will Make A Way, it’s beautiful and the truth! I listen to it over and over! Certain songs, give me a clearer picture of things to come! We are just passing through! Till we are called to our eternal home! Gods plans for us are just miraculous! So let us be patient till we are together again! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Another tearful day! I need a grief class everyday! I missed tonight, for spaghetti! Band trip, soon! I’m standing in the school, where I went! But, Denny was with us last year! I looked at the table where we sat, and lost it! Bursting into tears, in public! Is that part of grief? Is there rules to grief! I don’t think so! It’s going to happen, wherever and whenever it wants! I’m not done grieving! I am a follower of Christ! My mind, my heart, and my soul, all three know where they are going! I know this world is not my home! Denny is there, in Heaven, my angel wings! I’ll be there as soon as my time is done, just like his! Hear how logical I am! I know what the Bible says! I believe it all! None of it makes me miss him less! So, please don’t give up on me! I will be quick to tell you if my tears become less! I can assure you all and myself, I am taking proper steps! As hard as it is! Thank you for listening to me! I hope you all know how much it means to me, that you care, and take the time! I love seeing your names! It’s very encouraging! Writing really helps me! Thank you! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! I do know there is not a time frame on grief! Thank God! If it was a race, I would lose! I am sharing this picture of Denny tonight because he was in the Knock Out Parkinson’s Program! He looks so good! This was July 17th, one month before pneumonia and a feeding tube! Six months later, gone from our sight! I don’t know what stage I’m in! Please believe me, I am not whining! I knew it would be hard, but, it is physically and mentally exhausting! The best of me, my spiritual side, where I go every morning for strength! Like fresh, spring water from a well! I am renewed every morning! But, at the end of the day, I’m spent! I loved him so and I miss him! This picture, is to show you how fast life can change, in a blink! My champion! He fought as hard as he could! Don’t waste precious time! God is good! He will help you! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! It has been a long day! I feel like a computer that’s ready to shut down, crash permanently! I love you Lord! I started early! Baked a big pan cookie for group! I love seeing their eyes light up! I had eight cases of formula left and some other things that were not opened! Three things were all on Executive Dr. Red Cross took everything I had! The pump had to go back to the Co. They sent the box and postage and all! Elara Caring that took such good care of my Denny, I had checks from the funeral to drop off! They knew Denny’s name as soon as I said it, and I fell apart! They are a wonderful, loving and caring group of Angels! I do not know any other way to describe them! I was gone all day running around! Late picking up my granddaughter! I pray I get my mind back at some point in time! The car goes in Wednesday morning to fix my mishap, I will have a rental! My list of things is getting shorter! Pension and Social Security finally figured out! Then some fun with cousins, pizza, family and burgers! Great combo! Thank you! Some laughter, now in bed, some tears! Ready to finish up! I’m praying for a lot of snow, then I won’t feel guilty when I get to stay home! Just want all of these loose ends tied up! I feel quite weary tonight! I am tired! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! I have and am still, through this process, journey, whatever you want to call it! I did not have time to think of any relationships, while losing my longest relationship! I have known for a long time, when everything was said and done, I would be back in my church home, with my brothers and sisters in Christ! Our Pastor Caldwell pulled in the driveway at Denny’s last breath! That hug meant more to me than he will ever know! It did not matter anymore how long it had been, since I had seen friends! I still felt connected! Not just church friends, I am friends on FB with so many classmates! Some came to the funeral home! Our 50th reunion is this year! When we gather, it’s like we were never apart! It is all in how you look at things! I see so differently now! Friendships of the heart mean more! To me anyway! My priority was Denny and I called on God every minute! My best friend during the worse time! Say what you want about FB, if you are looking for trash, maybe that is all you see! In my lonely times when Denny was sleeping, I drew strength from all of you and your loving, caring, encouraging, thoughtful remarks, and reactions! I only saw the good, not bad! I so appreciate all of you that were waiting in the wings! Now, I am putting myself back in the friendships! One day at a time! Today I had lunch with a gal I met at Flower Hospital! Seven years ago! Our husbands were in the hospital together! She and I sat in the waiting room and got on the elevator together every night! Started talking, we are FB friends! Her husband passed five years ago and she reached out to me! We have a common bond! Rekindling friendships is a goal and even new friendships! I’m ready to put in the time! I am thankful for all of you! MainStreet, Athens and Cedar Creek! I love all three! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! Remember, our anniversary was right after the funeral, on the 4th! It would have been 43! In 2017, it was our Ruby, 40 years! Denny was already sick three years! I gave us a Ruby party! I am so happy I did! We have great pictures from that day! I did everything in Red, our favorite color! We did not have our original rings! That’s another story! I had a diamond band Denny gave me in 2011! I bought us rings to give each other, at the party! Mine is Ruby, his, a band that he did not wear, to big, just never got it sized! The kids wanted his rings on, for showing! They looked very nice! Today I purchased a chain to wear his ring forever! On my birthday, same day he came home from the hospital, last December he gave me a diamond ring, via, his elf! So, we have some memory jewelry! I have made it clear how special, special days are! You do not know if it’s your last! We suspected December would be our last special days together! My heart is heavy today! Tomorrow is four weeks already! Where does time go? I swear I just met him yesterday! I am so thankful for God and all of His special promises for every hurt you have, every pain you have, any past scars! His promises are true and new every morning! Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and take the day as it comes! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I have not shared this before, Denny called me Tootsie, ask his therapists, they thought that was a hoot! Working through grief, is no picnic! Crying is on overload, while I am practicing smiling through the tears! I do not want to bypass any steps along this painful journey! I can still smile for and about every detail from our life! Like it was yesterday! He is engraved on my heart and soul! I told that stuff all the time! He would say, ahhhhh, come on now!!! With that grin we loved so much! I dare not forget anything! I promised I would tell our new great grandson💙all about his great papa’s shenanigans! Believe me, there is a lot to tell! LOL! There, if you could see me, I am smiling just thinking about it and the thought of his little face when I start to tell the stories! Fish tales! How many remember the song, Smile, by Nat King Cole? Here are the lyrics! Check it out! It’s a beautiful song! A lot of truth in this song! I’m big on songs speaking to the heart, healthy music! All of us Reed family will make our way through this grief thing together! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! My goodness, I have been so busy! All great reminders, that I am a child of God! He will never leave me, nor forsake me! I am not trying to overcome grief! It is way to soon! I am trying to grab as many healthy things as I can, to carry me through all of the hurting stages, to make to the other side of grief! I bought a TV today, so I could watch the funeral video on the flash drive! It’s the second time I have seen it since the funeral! I won’t lie! It’s reliving our whole life, in a half hour, with music that makes it more intense! I don’t care how long it takes! I just need to know, I will arrive! I just don’t have a time! Only God knows! His timing is perfect! In the meantime, Jesus wept with so much pain, it was like blood drops! Think about that! Jesus knows all about what we are going through! He went through it all before us! For us! To pave the way! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! My second Grief Share! I love it! Walk through every part of your pain! No skipping spots! Some wounds have to be cleaned over and over! I never tire of new ways to learn how to get through life as it comes! And it will, to all of us! I have been a missing link in a lot of places and absent in a lot of lives! I have to learn how to be a friend again! Call people, family, friends, just to say hi, how are you! Exiting from lives might look to some like I don’t care! So not true! Watching my Denny suffer the way he did, opens your sensitivity toward others and what they are facing and going through! No one has the right to look at a person and judge! You do not know them, what they might have suffered along the way from others! That has left them on a painful path! Don’t compare someone to yourself! None of us is perfect! You should not judge a person on looks or actions! They might be in mental anguish everyday! I like, kill them with kindness! You can never outdo kindness! So next time you start blowing your horn, flipping people off, maybe, even swearing! My family and I know what it’s like to drive away from a funeral! I couldn’t even see the road! I’m sure I’m not the only person that doesn’t always have her head in the ballgame! Pain can truly blind us in a lot of areas! Jesus is the perfect one, use his map on how to treat others! Jesus knows what it feels like to be abused in every way, in unspeakable ways! Just say, I will smile a little more today! Say hello! You get the picture! God is good! Pattern yourself after Him! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good afternoon! Tuesday and Wednesday blog! How many see their cup half full or half empty? I try to always see half full! Denny saw half empty! Even if it only stays half full, I want the fullness of the Lord! I have tried my way, more than once, disaster!!! You have to be and stay with the Lord and what He wants! There are no options! Let the scriptures comfort you and lead you! I have tested the scriptures! They are true to me, for me! If I was the only person on earth! Gods word would still be in place for me! Gods word is soothing to my soul while I am in the middle of such unrest, mentally and physically and yes, spiritually! The devil will use anything and anyone to destroy! That is his mission! He is sly! I ask you Lord to keep my mind, my heart, and soul open to all you have for me! Nothing more, nothing less! Only Jesus, my best friend, in the whole world, who came, suffered and died, for me! Even me! I love my Bible! Gods love letters to me! I cannot speak for others! Life can give you some pretty crooked roads, it might be dark, scary , bumpy! Keep your eyes fixed on the Lord and His mercy, grace and goodness! As much pain and anguish I feel night and day, is nothing compared to trying to live without Him! It’s hard enough without Denny, my angel wings, let alone without the Lord! Amen! Have a great day! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! Well, today has been three weeks already! As much as I miss him, as much as I would love to have him back, it is not for any of us to say time wise! We all belong to God, and God alone! Our timing is set before we are even born! So, our loved ones are only on lone! Does that make it not hurt, no! It makes the blow of death seem a little lighter! I still want him, I still cry, I understand a little more everyday! It was Denny’s time, and I want to be with my family and serve the Lord! I did my best to show Denny Gods love everyday while caring for him! I still believe that Gods love and plans for us are higher than anything we can imagine on this earth! In heaven, it will all be revealed! So, tonight my eyes are a little drier! One day at a time! Fill my cup Lord, fill it up Lord! Good night angel wings! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

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Continue reading “We Belong To God”

Good evening! Saturday blog! Quickly I am going to share how this morning went! I got up at 5:30! Got my coffee going! Mom has had a bad cough since the middle of January! I take my coffee in my room and I hear very loud gasping! I run, she is trying to walk, 911 she cannot breathe! To myself and God first, I said, God please don’t take my mom right after a Denny! Squad took her! By the time I got to the hospital she was discharged, sitting up laughing, with my sister! I said, what’s so funny! Congestion blocked her airway, no pneumonia! All day I’m saying, God, you have my attention! Thank you! I spent the afternoon with one of the granddaughters! I did her toenails, red! Got some Girl Scout Cookies! I am spent, can’t keep my eyes open! God is good! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

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Good evening! Friday blog! My day started early, I had two doctor appointments! Then I treated myself to breakfast at Bobs! We always stopped there together! I ate, but, not without sadness! My heart was heavy all day! I miss my sweetheart! I did get some gifts from heaven! Denny and his elf! It became my funny phrase! I kept busy, went to wrestling matches! I get hugs where ever I go, but I start crying! I love the hugs! Its just my grief! I pray I can get past! It’s so late! I’m tired! Time for my eyes to heal a bit! There is no escaping it! You can’t deny it! You have to go through each step! I wish I had Grief Share everyday! Happy Valentines in heaven my Angel Wings! God will lift me higher everyday with every prayer! I know I am surrounded with love, that I so appreciate! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! I finally made it to my first grief class! We all are on common ground! We all have aching hearts! I am happy I went! I was able to speak without falling apart! If I had fallen apart, that’s ok too! No timeframe on grief! No one wants to be judged by people who think you should be over it already! Grieving is different for every person! I am thankful for all of the positive things I have in place from recovery! Behind my headboard, is a towel that says, It’s a good day, to have a good day! God is good! I am leaning on Him, to carry me through! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! My heart feels as if it’s broken and spilling on the ground! A song, a glance at a picture, if my mind wanders, I can’t breathe! The tears won’t stop until I turn away! My angel Denny, was my once in a lifetime and I was his! I give myself a talk, tell my angel Denny, how much I will always love him, how much I will always miss him! I do know that life keeps moving! My life is just different now! When I get in that Grief Share class at church, I will learn some good coping things! I know I don’t sound positive sometimes, but I am! It is an awful lot to take in! I am back at church where I belong, three churches, to be exact! I love all three! I have not said no to things out and about! My other positive to keep me very busy, our four children and their spouses, ok, eight children! Our eleven grandchildren, four great grandchildren, down south, and then, my first great grandchild, who was just born on my birthday, in December and also the day that Denny came home! He did get to meet and see our new Little Man! See how much I have to live for! I am blessed! My mom is still going strong, my sister, my only sibling! Not to mention how big my whole family is! I’m always welcome at all of their homes! Can’t wait till summer! There will not be enough days to do all I am thinking about! Of course this is all in Gods hands! God willing! So, as much as I cry, I always smile because, I am blessed beyond measure! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! Yesterday physical pain, today mental pain! Today started the process of benefits, widows pay, survivor pay! I do not like any of these titles! But, it has to be! Things have to be changed over! Denny was old school the family protector! I am not afraid to learn anything and everything! But, when one is still in shock, it’s a bit overwhelming! Putting it mildly! Sometimes I can be laughing,move my eyes to a picture! I cannot keep up with my own mood swings! So let the tears flow! Between being sick and crying, you would not believe the Kleenex I have gone through! I just miss him! The way we were! To, the way we will be! I love you Lord, my comforter! You are so good and gracious to me! Hold me steady as I move forward for You and my family! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! What a day! I cannot remember the last time that I was this sick! Fever and all! I spent the whole day in bed, thinking of things I can say and do, to keep Denny’s memory alive! To honor him always as he deserves! From his life to death! We will only be apart a short time! While you wait for me, I will tell how awful Parkinson’s is! What it does to a family, that watches helplessly as their loved one is robbed of their whole being! Mind and body, physically and mentally! It cannot take your soul or spirit! Those go on forever! Now, me, I cannot even describe the kind of pain it has left all of us! I am a forgiven child of God! I have the blessed assurance, we will be together again! No doubt! It is still painful to miss someone’s physical body, the human touch, the smell! No doubts in my mind, I will continue to move forward for him! You can’t even explain it, until you go through it! Death is the natural order of things, not the end for us who believe! I will have to be patient till then! I have a lot to do here! I will continue to tell how good God is! From beginning to end! I will love you forever and always! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! I am taking a break tonight! Everything hurts! And God still knows what’s best! Because God is good! I hope you all had a good weekend! Continued prayers! I am miserable! Good night! God bless! ❤️🤗🙏🏻🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I might have continuous tears in my eyes, but I can still see the CROSS! ✝️ The cross is the victory! Nothing in my life will ever be the same without Denny! I accept that, Denny is in the arms of Jesus! No better place to be! I still choose the positive side of life! I walk, I bake, I journal! Nothing that I started out to do is gone! Do I shed tears with each thing? Of course I do! I still have all of the beautiful thoughts of him and the memories we made together, over 45 years of memories! The mind, the heart can hold a lot! Our Anniversary was hard, I miss him! Valentines will be hard thinking of him! But, our son was born on Valentines Day! I will just focus on him and Butterscotch Chip Cookies! I won’t lie, it was hard frosting the heart cookies! Denny loved frosted sugar cookies! I see him in everything I do, in our children, they all have his loving heart! I could go on and on about him! In a way it’s hard doing things without him! In another way, I can go somewhere at my leisure, to be with our kids or grandkids or my brand new birthday buddy! One could feel guilty about either one, if you let yourself! No negative thoughts! Only good ones! I love you Denny Reed, with a continuous love, that cannot be shaken! I’m so sorry we did not get to do more! Just wait tillI get there! All the things we want to do will be right there for us! Gods promises are the only bright spot to you! His plans for us are perfect! Good night in heaven! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗✝️🤗❤️

Good morning! Friday blog! Some of our 40th Ruby Anniversary pictures have surfaced, in honor of Denny, my love! Like this one! Kissing, no less! How special is that? More than anyone will ever know! I knew whenever God took him, it would be painful! I can’t even describe it! I choose joy and happiness, but that loss comes in! I miss him so much! Of course when you see pictures, the memory of that moment comes like a tidal wave! It takes my breath away! It’s not even been 2 weeks yet! I don’t think that is going to matter! It will likely get better with time! It’s not going to disappear, nor do I want it to! I don’t want my memories to fade, not ever! That would be like trying to erase! I couldn’t, even if I tried! Just want to ease up the crying! It does not ask permission, it just starts! I kissed him so much, sometimes he said, ok, ok! I think that meant, take a break! Everything became so much more meaningful! Especially from Thanksgiving on, then Christmas he got to come in the living room! Everything became an urgency to be with him every minute! I only left him with someone to do Christmas shopping in an hour and a Dr. appointment! I love that picture! I will cherish it! The ones of family around his bed! I see only his face! I kiss my finger and touch the urn and fall asleep! Now, for those of you that still have your loved one right beside you, do not go to bed angry! I wouldn’t let Denny go to sleep until everything was ok! You can’t stay angry if you are kissing! That does not go hand in hand! Kissing is important, no matter how you are feeling! Don’t let kissing your loved one become extinct! Thank you Lord for such a wonderful memory! A kiss! Have a wonderful day! God bless!❤️💋🤗💋🤗💋❤️

Good morning! Thursday blog! I wrote a post on FB this morning, it’s what I will share today! In all honesty! There is not any amount of space anywhere to tell of all the qualities Denny Reed had! He was so humble, he did not believe he possessed any of the things we said! I said at the viewing and funeral, if dad could see what we see, he would say, this can’t be for me! All of the flowers, people and all of the great things said about this great man that we were blessed with, was quite a testimony to his life! Forever in our minds and hearts! We will continue to tell of who and what you meant to us! Thank you for blessing us with his beautiful soul! Our lives will be lived well for you! Until we join you!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Basketball and Wrestling tonight! Love seeing their sports again! Cannot keep my eyes open! I hope you understand! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I truly cannot remember a time in my life I have felt this kind of tired! I think that my day was well spent, therapy, group, granddaughter lunch! Denny’s elf was at work again! I picked up Denny’s ashes, I actually felt better after I had them! He is right next to my bed! I don’t think grief ever leaves! You have to learn how to manage everything! Our MainStreet Church has a grief class every week! I can’t wait! It’s only been a week! I sure do miss him! God is good! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good morning! Tuesday blog! 43 years ago today, we made our way to downtown Toledo! January 26th was our original date! We were cancelled because of snow! On February 4th, 1977, it was a bitter cold day, our I do’s finally took place! Came back to moms, ate, cut the cake, some picture taking! Drove to Ann Arbor, icy roads! We stayed at the Wyndham Marriott for the weekend! Food there was delicious! Had to be back at work on Monday! We went to the big mall! This is my opinion, we saw the best A Star Is Born! Barbara Streisand! Maybe I will watch that today! Evergreen, my favorite song! You don’t have to go on big expensive trips! I just wanted to be his wife forever! What a wonderful man I was blessed to walk beside everyday! We will only be apart a short time! I want to honor him everyday with staying healthy! Yesterday, our daughter did the thank you’s! I did cupcakes for group! I was doing ok, I realized I was alone! Sobbing! I went for another walk! Total yesterday, 8 miles, over 17,000 steps! Came home to my granddaughter and my great grandson! Once again, I felt balance! I am meeting my other granddaughter for lunch after group! I do believe, I will squeeze in another walk, since I cannot go this morning! Put balance in your life! It can be done! I am not perfect, nor do I want to be! I want to grow, evolve into something, that will surprise even me! So Denny can look down, smile, and know I am ok, until I meet Jesus with him! I Love you! I sure do miss you! God is good! Choose something positive! Have a great day! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️Thank you Jan!❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! I am sooooo tired! I will write tomorrow!

Good evening! Sunday blog! Quite a brisk walk this morning! It was cold! I could not feel my thumbs! But, I am never sorry after I am out there! Off to church! MainStreet, Denny’s and my home church! Raised our family in! Brunch with the daughter and son in law! Bob Evans! Walmart and Dollar General, then home! Off to our granddaughters church tonight! Athens Missionary! Adding another one on Saturday’s! Cedar Creek! Cannot get to much Jesus! Day of rest! I am tired!😴😴Doing Thank You Cards tomorrow! God remains good! Always! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! It’s OK to cry, even when you can’t see through the tears, you can still choose JOY and HAPPINESS! I need to choose these things! My tears might last forever! I cannot, I will not, go backwards! Today was good! Got all funeral things put away, our daughter from Myrtle Beach is leaving tomorrow! Sad! She is flying very early in the morning! Her husband drove home! Prayers! Then Mom and I went to Porkys with family! I just love their pizza, but, I love family more! My cousins are so supportive! One cousin and his daughter made the trip driving from Myrtle Beach themselves! I hate saying goodbye! At any given moment today tears would start! I’m not afraid to cry, I just cannot stay there! 45 years of everything from young smiles, sparkles in your eyes, pounding hearts, laughter at everything, just to hear each other, hands on each other’s cheeks, just to stare in each other’s eyes, holding hands, just so skin touches! Babies, toddlers, teenagers! That’s a wide range of age! All the way to the last heartbeat! How did that happen? Yesterday, we were young! Then I blinked and the road became bumpy, stormy, scary, lonely, fearful! Then gone, just like that! As I grew stronger physically, mentally and spiritually, he became sicker! Sitting in this bedroom everyday together, we fell in love all over again on so many different levels! I couldn’t get enough of looking at him, watching him, looking at his beautiful blue eyes grow more tired and weary until they closed! My heartache today hurts, it will pass! Because I let go of it and see my Denny in a different scene in heaven! A heavenly body! Because God is good and His promises are true! Released from all that took him down and away from us! So, when the tears start, I only let sorrow stay a little while! A little bit of everything, can only stay a little while! Balance! Thank you for your prayers! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Wow! The passing of Denny, I miss him so! He is pain free! I love him forever! The legacy and testimony that we saw from all of the visitors, last evening and today, nothing short of amazing! Amazing life! I wish he could have seen the wonderful man we saw! I thought he was amazing! He was smiling! I said, ohhhhh, you have been set free! Freck Chapel did a fantastic job! Every detail was beautiful! One of our Pastors did the service! Sharing a few pics from the funeral! God is still good! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️🥺💔

Good morning! Thursday blog! Today I see my Denny, just his outer shell! Visually, we will see my handsome Denny all dressed up for his family, where we will get comfort! Why, because he was set free on Monday, from the chains that had him in bondage, way too long! All of the beautiful and wonderful parts that we all loved and felt everyday, flew to heaven, where he can be himself, once again! Such a comfort to me to know my living Savior will take care of his child forever! The plan of salvation that God created, is nothing short of miraculous! I know these things, how? Because that plan was used every minute to give me every single promise, that God promised to do! Satan did not win! God himself gave us the strength to get through the worst storm of our life! Denny flew on Monday! Missed from the moment his heart stopped! Our 43rd Anniversary is Tuesday, this card is going with Denny! Prayers for all that today holds! Have a wonderful Wednesday! God bless! Our daughter found this piece through a hospice site! It’s beautiful and forever true!❤️🤗✝️🤗❤️

Love always, from your family!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! Wasn’t Denny’s tribute absolutely beautiful? Our daughter sent me this! It’s beautiful too! And true! Prayers for the rest of this journey please! Tuesday is our anniversary, I bought a card, to go with him! M God is with us! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I was good, until the pictures came out! Almost cried with every picture! And, I’m still good! Just extremely tired! Daughter and son in law from Myrtle Beach arrived safely! Isn’t the Obit beautiful? Other family members on the road! Thank you Lord, my Redeemer! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻💔🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday and Monday blog! My heart has been torn wide open! I wanted to write last evening, but my eyes were not having it! My Denny passed from this world today after a very hard fought battle with Parkinson’s! He fought the good fight! I am soooo tired, soooo weary! My Denny is safe and pain free tonight, for the first time in years! I am in pain tonight! But, I have also been set free from a different kind of pain! I will miss him forever! God is good! Thank you Jesus!✝️🥺💔Good night! God bless!❤️🥺❤️🙏🏻💔🙏🏻

Good evening! Saturday blog! After writing last evening, about the unexpected! It happened around 2:00am this morning! 102 fever means pneumonia! I called hospice, got one of our nurses, he is great! Called kids! He was drowning right in front of us from his tube feed! Things happened quickly! Got all of that out of him! He is starting to show signs of pain! No feed line at the moment! Comfort meds around the clock, 2 nurses every day and an aid! Been a lot of crying at this house today! It’s not easy to let go! Selfish desire tells our hearts, keep him ,no matter what! How wrong is that! He is visibly suffering! Parkinson’s is making it very difficult to move him! That disease is going to rob him of everything, right down to his last breath! So, we his family, are suffering also! What would the hospital do, the same thing! Praying for this med to bring him some kind of comfort and keep the fever away! Then the loving , knowing that God is the one in control of all, and you say, Lord please take him to heaven in your arms, so he can walk again, the streets of gold and the never ending shoreline! While he waits for me! When I say I Love You, he lets out a sigh! God help me! Denny is in your hands! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Today became one of those unexpected days! Or, was it expected? Pneumonia is a very serious threat to people with Parkinson’s! Talk about a rollercoaster ride of emotions today! I have been pretty busy today! I still start early if there is something special that I want to do! Like a Birthday Cake this morning, for a family member! And our grandson has his 15th on Monday, another treat! You see, once upon a time, Marilyn used to use everything she could think of, to get out of doing things! That’s not good when I was already an excuse maker and a procrastinator! I’m so happy I don’t live with her anymore! I would never use my sick husband to back out of Birthday baking! For anyone, let alone family! I consider myself to be organized about things! I never say, what if that happens! I do not think about tomorrow, until it gets here! These are my choices that make me happy and will be memories for them in the years to come! Denny has been in and out of hospitals and nursing facilities since 2013! With stays increasing every year and some 5 to 6 weeks! He spent 6 weeks at Kingston 2 years ago! We spent our 41st Anniversary there! I made a large, heart tier cake, we shared it in the dining room with others! We spent Valentines there, our sons Birthday, Denny had surgery that day, I found out our Beagle had heart worm that day! It’s been a long coaster ride! I can let myself be buried in self pity! Not! I pray I can be an example! Our grandkids were still pretty young! I don’t want any of them to have the memory of, Momo stopped doing everything after Papa got sick! I love my family and I miss them on many levels! Life is all about choices, and what you live with after you make them! I think on these things a lot! Some have said, why do you bother! Because, it’s not a bother to me! I always get it done! I never am up past 8:00pm to do anything! I write after I am in bed, because I love all of you and I want to share our life so others can see, a positive life can be done in the middle of adversity! That’s my prayer! God is good, He is that good! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Yesterday and today, I got to walk! Walking to me is the same as breathing! Lately, I feel as if I am suffocating, because I want to run out the door for me! Then I feel selfish! I am on a roller coaster of emotions, that no one could have prepared me for! Walking is as much for my mind as it is for my body! I am so very thankful that I have been through recovery! I am a crier, I always have been! I am bipolar! I am not as concerned as some, I take my meds! My time in the morning with God is more important than ever! He sees me, He hears me, He wants the best for me! I know these things with all of my heart! That does not mean my heart is not breaking in a million different pieces every minute! When we look at each other, it is love, but, also pain! In our younger married life, I remember thinking, what if Denny is taken from me! Who am I, if not Denny Reeds wife? I love him and have loved being his wife and honored to take special care of him! I am more than that! I know who I am! I have many titles, I have many ideas! I’m already grieving, I can’t imagine it being worse, but I know it will be! I know all of the right, positive things that I started to put into play in 2014! None of that has left me! I would not be human if I did not have emotional pain! I am watching a slow movie of my husband, our children’s dad, our grandchildren’s Papa and our new little Lucas, who will only know his great Papa through pictures and stories! He is being taken in ways I can’t even conceive! Especially a mind that was as sharp as his! It’s just not fair! But God never promised no pain, but promises to carry us through that pain! Long after this is gone, I will go on singing Denny Reeds praises! He is wonderful enough to keep spreading awareness about this ugly disease and how it can eat a family alive! We cannot let that happen! I love you forever, Denny Reed! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️Emotions, up and down! I have always been afraid of roller coasters! Now, I’m living on one!🥺💔

Good evening! Wednesday blog! I am sharing a poem on care! My gift to Denny! Our 43rd Wedding Anniversary is getting close! February 4th, 1977! Our original date was January 26th, 1977! Know one talks about that blizzard! It shut down the whole city! We made the Blade! Weddings put on Ice! 3 couples could not get married! Some said it was an omen, which I do not believe in! We were meant to be just as sure as I am sitting here typing! I am tired, so this is short! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! No matter what I am doing, taking care of Denny, walking Beagle outside, whatever I see, whatever I hear! I see and hear him in all things! Just about everything sparks a memory, he is in them all! Every song, reminds me of something we did, or somewhere we went! His stamp is on my mind, heart and very soul! Whenever he is having a testy mood, I tell him the story of how much he is loved! I just love his face so much! I tell him all the time, they broke the mold after you! He is unique, like a magnet! One of the hospice nurses in the beginning, is on days now! She requested to have Denny back! We have our same aide that we had before the hospital stay! They love us and we love them! They take care of him lovingly and respectively! That means so much! God is good in every place in our life! We rest in His loving arms! Denny is requesting, that I turn out the light! Writings of how I feel! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Monday blog! I know the title does not sound nice! So, let some of us reach way back in the memory bank! Then, all of you new fall in lovers and newlyweds! I put myself first in that scenario! Not many, when you fall in love and you just know, nobody thinks of illness and the down and dirty side of some care giving! When I was a teenager, all I thought about was, who is going to fall for me, buy me special flowers, candy, cologne, jewelry, big fancy house, with a brand new car! Exotic vacations! We would just gaze at each other whispering sweet nothings, how I will never hurt you! Making such lofty promises, that know one would be able to keep up! I was only 17, when I married, right out of school! Let’s just say, he broke a lot of promises! I was 22 when I met Denny, ahhhhh those giddy feelings of real love all over again! I thought love meant, know one would hurt me again! And all of the material love things I mentioned, Denny did give me all of that! He bought me a big house, just not the fancy kind! Everything was always beautifully wrapped! I did a lot for Denny too, but I was selfish, I wanted more! Never satisfied with life! You can fill a house with many things, you still won’t really know, until you can back up all of the pretty words you promised to say forever! Our love and marriage has been tested, over and over in many ways! Now, me at 67 and Denny at 76! We finally know what real love and commitment is all about! What if relationships and marriage came in reverse! What if you saw what caregiving entails, for who knows how long! What if you saw your bedroom turned into a hospital room, would you stay or walk away! People have walked away from marriage for a lot less! I know that, because I did it! So now, I thank God for setting me straight on love and commitment! I don’t see our bedroom anymore in romantic fashion! I see the one and only, precious gift that has been mine for 42 years! The moral of this love story, grab it all right now, do it all right now, before time runs out! Taking care of Denny like this is my choice! I have learned a lot along this path! This is the way I spell love now! For those of you that think you might not be able to do such things, God has become my everything along this walk! I know at the end of this journey, God will still be with me, giving me a new strength, a new purpose! I have definitions for the letters in the word love! L=loyalty. O=overcomer. V=victorious. E=eternal! My God, is a mighty God and He will see me through! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! Not really goodbye! Denny’s mom use to say so long! She said goodbye was too final! Not knowing about Denny’s illness from day to day, it will be hard for them to say bye! We are all so happy she decided to come home! She will be flying out tomorrow night! Quick weekend! We took some great pictures! She loved getting cookies, of course, they all got cookies! Just reminiscing, sharing memories and our oldest one brought the photo album I made her one Christmas in the earl 90’s! Really young ones of Denny! Sooooo handsome! Very thankful that Denny and I went to Myrtle Beach two times! I do love palm trees! Being away from children is a hard thing, especially the bye part, when they go back! God is good! He has a plan for each one of us! I trust Him! We are all in His hands! Trust and obey! With that, a Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! Our daughter landed safely in Detroit from Myrtle Beach! Her sister picked her up and they stopped for lunch together! Then came over! Our son and grandsons came! They are usually the ones missing for sports! Weather took care of that! Our younger one has been sick with those winter bugs! I know she feels bad! I hope for tomorrow! We have not had a family picture of the six of us in a long time! Granddaughter came again with hubby and my handsome great grandson! Two days in a row! But, some pretty funny stories were shared! Some nice smiles from Denny while we were all poking fun! Denny was having some issues since coming home! Nurse came and what we thought could be, was not! Thankful for that! Seriously, make time for making precious memories! Someday, it is all we will have! Here are some loving family quotes! We are a blended family! God is good! His blessings are evident! I believe we are a perfect fit! This picture is Christmas of 1978! I love all of us! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! Look for the blessings! Sometimes there right in front of us! Our beautiful granddaughter brought her new baby son over for a visit! My first great grandchild! Of course the most beautiful baby I have ever seen! Besides my own children and grandchildren! My heart was over the moon! Thank you again Lord Jesus! A couple of beautiful writings tonight! Thought provoking! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗👶🏼🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Plus it’s TBT! Love this kind of day! I did not feel well most of the day! Someone asked for a couple of pictures, so, I started looking at all pictures! I did nothing today in between Denny’s care, I laid on the bed all day, listening to him breath! Thinking of us! When we met, how we met, our wedding, our marriage, our homes, our family, our vacations, alone and with kids! Memories just flood my mind! Just sharing some past of us! Thank you Jesus! Enjoy! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! So tired tonight, I really can’t see straight! I am not complaining! My day rolls pretty smooth! Somethings just take more time than other things! A day truly is a disappearing act, the list is endless! Hospice thinks I am doing a great job! But, you know how we beat ourselves up! I so miss all of the things we did together every day! Laying in bed at night talking over our day! I savor all of my memories! Pictures in my mind, that I cannot turn off! Like an old fashion movie reel that plays over and over in my head! My eyes can’t look at him enough, they miss him already! Tonight is one of those nights! I can’t stop crying! Sometimes I feel like I am coming apart at the seams! I know I am not! It’s all feelings! Sometimes a person just needs to unload! A sounding board! When the light goes out, I talk to God until I fall asleep, which is pretty quick! I am in some major mental pain tonight! Denny’s skin is starting to break down and I know he is in pain! I am in pain for him! Tomorrow is a new day! I will jump up, raring to go! Joy comes in the morning, and I will grab it! We love all of you! Thank you all for your continued prayers! I do pray for all of you as well! I am trying to learn to be kind to myself! That’s a tall order! Cherish your loved ones! Time just goes! You really don’t have tomorrow! Only this minute! All is well with my soul! It’s that enemy, flesh, that want to take us down! Not happening! I need to sleep! Good night! God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️