Marilyn’s Heart

Good evening! Tuesday blog! Not enough room to write about this topic! So much about this and how important it is! Who knew? If we did try anything like weight loss and exercise, for me anyway, I did it for wrong reasons! Not health! One of my regrets! But, regret is part of my past! But really, seriously, if things had not been addressed in my life, I would not be able to take care of Denny the way I do! I have strength now! 234 lbs huffing and puffing up the stairway was not getting anything done! I did not know or think about proper self care, much less love! I am not pointing fingers at anyone! I know what losing 100lbs did for me, then therapy, recovery, choosing life changes and sticking with it! Exercise, walking! Bible, journaling and yes, blogging! I really do want people, women and men also to know and learn! We all need to take care of ourselves, to be here for our loved ones and the line of family that will follow! There is no guarantee that I will live longer, but I am not going to stop doing right for me! I do love me, because I am wonderfully made in Gods image! He created me! It is wrong and insulting to God to put yourself down! God does not make mistakes! You are here by His Grace! I love God so much, for loving me! Even when I was 17 years in the wilderness of my life! Two words, forgive me! Grace and Mercy covered me! I will take care of this vessel he has given me! My joy and happiness are mine everyday, because He says I am worth it! He will see Denny and I threw whatever comes! Take care of you, no one else is going to do it! Mine did not happen overnight, plus I had started a couple of positive behaviors before recovery! 21 days to form new habits! Weight loss surgery 2010, 100 lbs off, not without some struggles, journaling 2014, walking 2015, therapy and recovery from gambling addiction 2016, group therapy over 2 years, 3 1/2 years clean! I don’t always like the way I act or feel, but I know the tools to keep me on track! Look in the mirror, tell yourself good morning, today is going to be a great day! Just because you are wonderful and worth it! Men, this includes you! Your families need you and want you! Start right now! Have a good nights sleep! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

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Good evening! Monday night blog! Do you just let your mind go sometimes? When no one is around, and you can just think! I did not have or know peace, real peace! The kind that can calm the storms within! I have that with my faith in Jesus! I think about heaven a lot and what it will be like! Then there is the walk in the early morning! When I am alone with my thoughts, what the day holds! I don’t see very many people that early! No disrupting! My senses are on high back there, so many different sounds! I love to think about peaceful things! Standing in a garden like that, would be perfection, like heaven! I like to close my eyes and think on such things! It’s very helpful if you are stressed! I have a little of that! I will not let it overtake me! Being by the lake, that I did not appreciate growing up! I don’t mind saying it now, hard things to admit! I was a selfish brat most of the time! I did not think or see past my own nose! Don’t wait to long to figure things out! I wasted a great deal of my life! That’s why I am so eager to start my day! Great and positive things to look forward to! My poem speaks of a peaceful garden with nothing but beauty to look at and hear! Have a great night! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

To another country, that is! Good evening! Sunday blog! Took a little trip across the bridge today! Canada has always been one of our favorite spots! Especially for our family trips! Just so beautiful! We drove around a bit, stopped and picked up a pizza! Denny said, let’s eat by the river! The picture is just an image, but that was our view, across the Detroit River! Beautiful! We actually spent more time on the bridge, than in town! Doesn’t matter, whatever we get to do, I love it! We have had pizza there before, in Windsor! Soooo good! Back home at 6:00pm, watching deer run back and forth! We use to just jump in the car and go! If I can get him out, I am making the most of it! And we reminisce! I love all of our minutes, every minute is precious to me! I would carry him on my back, if I could! Have a good night! God bless! Take a day trip! You will be happy you did!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday night quick blog! Nothing in this world besides, GOD, beats family time! Our grandchildren are all very active in sports, mainly soccer, and music! Singing and playing instruments! Soooo this week, two special events with our kiddos an some of our grandchildren! It was just great getting Denny out for two evenings in one week! These are very special times for me! I have said before, in my heart, they will never know in this lifetime, how much I love them! There is nothing besides GOD, that brightens my life more than their smiles and laughter! They make family time fun! Thank you kiddos, for making me smile! I love all of you so much! Time is precious! Don’t say, we can do that later!! Do it now, don’t miss out! The smallest things can make a memory that will last a lifetime! I love you’s, hugs and kisses always! Even if something has upset you! Do not part that way! God bless! Thank you God for our family! Have a good night!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! I don’t like to do this, but we have had a busy couple of days! So, I am sorry I have missed a day! Kind of Thursday and Friday blog! I said from the start this is my story! I have my Denny and he is a very great part of my story! Even though he will probably not tell his story! Our stories affect each other, wether we like it or not! I would never share anything that would hurt or embarrass him! Illness is a fact of life! We don’t get to pick and choose! I have never liked disease, as a child it scared me! Down the road from us, a family lost a 5 year old daughter to leukemia! Things like this are hard enough for adults, let alone children! I don’t recall anyone having Parkinson’s when I was growing up! I also had never heard the word bipolar and we both have it! A lot of reading and studying I have had to do! I do not want my head in the sand! Not the same as seeing and dealing with it everyday! It’s a strange disease, no two people are alike, the disease has many different traits! It is attacking his brain full force! I won’t lie, it will probably be one of the worst things I will ever face! I do not know, that’s all up to God! In my poem, it is Parkinson’s telling what it can do! Believe me, there is plenty more! The brain controls so much in the body! I also know all of God’s goodness and His promises! My backslidden life and Gods healing me and forgiving me is testimony of what God can do, when we let go and let Him! From the time I get up and start my day, it is for Denny, so I can be strong in faith, mind and body! It is not a nice disease at all! It robs a family of a lot! My writing has become a strong point for me in a lot of areas! I love this man in a way I never thought possible and I know he loves me that way also! I will keep pushing forward, God tells me you are strong enough and His anchor holds! God will see us through! Have a good night and a wonderful weekend! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Quickie Wednesday blog! This is not my poem! But, I do love it! We live these words a lot of days! Sometimes I feel like they are all rattling around in my head! From day to day the words change! Sometimes they come back on another day! I do not have much to say about this! I love this poem, it says so much! Just when you think, oh no, the next day it’s back and ok! The days will get harder down the road! I will not live in fear and worry! We take one day at a time! God hears and He gives me the right amount of strength! Have a good night! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! I write these blogs, I hope, I pray, to help someone going through these things, that have touched our lives and changed our lives forever and what we thought our future would be! What was I thinking? That no illness or anything hard would never happen to us! God did not promise anyone of us a life free of any tribulations or suffering! I already have shared how warped my thinking was! I find it all so sad now! And, since I am a human, I could destroy myself, in my own mind! Would I be able to take care of Denny in that state of mind, no! Now that I am on the positive path, life is so different! If I had not gotten help when I did, a diagnosis like this would have buried me! I will say this, I know enough to not ask God why! His ways are so much higher than ours! I still have Denny, I am so thankful for that! I do let out a good cry every morning, when I am having my alone time, I am also a shower crier! I want Denny to see me smiling, humor can make him smile! But, I shared how this illness is a thief! It is taking the best parts of him away! Since it is a brain disorder and the parts of his brain that control many things! All of our days are different! It is taking his facial expressions away! I get really close and look in his eyes! His eyes tell me he hears me and loves me! His eyes will stay blue, which I love! I ask him everyday, do you still love me? Humorously he says, yes I do! Of course I know he does! A Policeman, an Umpire and a 300, excellent Bowler! He has the rings to prove it! It all came to a screeching halt! I don’t ask God why, but, I will say , life is not fair! You can ask anyone, he was a well respected man and still is! His children and grandchildren adore him! Whatever the past had, that hurt, does not matter! His memory is being affected! That’s a hard one! I have always thought, even before illness, how terrible it must be to love someone for so long and have them give you a blank look!! His legs and posture are really being affected! It comes and goes! We need to be prepared every day, because it’s different! I cannot, I will not, let these different things destroy me! Denny needs to see and feel happiness and know how much God loves him! This is not a punishment! It’s life, we do not have to like it, but, we have to accept what we cannot change! If you don’t, it can very well destroy you! God is good always! He hears us when we cry! Pour your heart out to Him, He is the giver of all joy and the healer of all hurts! Amen!❤️Have a peaceful evening! Do you know the One who watches over you, always? We are not promised tomorrow! Always hug and say, I love you! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Monday night blog! Happiness is what we have inside of us, it comes from within me, around me! I can choose to sit around and feel sorry for myself or I can choose to make lemonade out of sour lemons! My happiness comes in the form of God, Denny, our children, our grandchildren, mom! I think of happy memories, not sad ones, I think about, November, that will bring my 1st great grandchild! I do not have time for unhappiness! Joy, is my choice, it comes from deep inside me! But I choose it! And what I am joyful about! My joy is complete and it comes from the Lord! I do not have time for pity parties for myself! Did I screw some things up along the way, yes, past! Am I living with a lot going on, yes, do I have a mental illness, yes! I do not live with past choices! I am at peace with my own soul! I knocked my demons down! I am happy with me! Even when I make mistakes! I will not live a defeated life! It took some time, but, I am there! By the grace of God! Goodnight!😴😴God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

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We are very original with our names! Her papers say Beagle Girl Reed and my nickname for her is Little Dog! A rescue from the Humane Society! She came from Mississippi, she was only there two days! I knew as soon as I looked at those big brown eyes, she was going home with us! But she was sick when we got her and did not know it! Steroids doubled her size, we are still struggling with that! But, if I just need some loving, down on the floor I go, whispering in her ears! She is not registered, I still call her my therapy dog! Beagle looks in my eyes, when I tell her how much, I love her! Sometimes I don’t want to talk or no one is listening to me! I know my Beagle Girl hears me! I know many of you have rescue animals! I am so thankful for mine We did not have pets in the house growing up! So Beagle living here is a stretch for mom! She loves her now! I would not have moved here without my Little Dog! If you are looking or needing some real companionship loving rescue some pets and give them a very loving environment! I need my Beagle! She is a God send! Have a fantastic night! God bless!❤️🤗🐶🤗❤️

Good morning! Sunday blog! Money can be the root of a lot of evil and trouble! Let me say, right up front! No jealousy, no condemnation! I am not swayed by any of it! It’s wonderful to be blessed with wonderful things! Necessary things, that we all need! Trouble can come, if you try to keep up with neighbors or family! Believe me, I am no scholar where money is concerned and the troubles it can bring! I believed Denny and I would remain in our city home until we were both gone! When we realized it, full support from our children, it became a little easier! But packing 40 years of stuff, was massive! As positive as I was, I was not prepared for the amount of tears I shed! Even now, as I type, tears are coming! I really had to fight feelings of being a failure! One circumstance after another said repeatedly, it’s time to go! Still had to jump the hurdle of letting go! Everything I looked at had a meaning of some sort! I have come a good distance from that day! One can get lost in money and wanting to keep all of your things first in life! Nothing in this house or Denny’s or my life is more important than our relationship with God! The giver of all things! Let’s not forget, He is also the taker of all things! That’s pretty evident of everything going on in this world! It can burn up or float away! God is still God! He holds all of us in His hands! Even when we don’t want it! No matter what you have, no matter anything, our caskets will all be the same size! In the grand scheme of things, God is first, and taking care of Denny, making sure all of his needs are being met, “things” are the least of my worries! I am just putting it out there! Nothing material is more important than a persons feelings and whatever they are going through! Really, none of us knows another’s heart or struggles! As always, food for thought! Have a beautiful Sunday! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Quickie blog! Depressed? Not me! It will pass! It’s just a phase! Having a blue day? Snap out of it! What do you have to be depressed about? Need I go on? I really do have a tough time with this one! I heard a lot of these phrases growing up! Not just to me, by whoever! Just people who don’t understand or don’t want to! This is not judgement, ridicule or anything else! My heart is breaking for people suffering with this! I was one of those who didn’t understand! Then to end up battling my own demon, that was massive! My heart breaks for families, like the Kennedy’s! Mental illness has trickled down through their family! Their hearts breaking again! Depression is not a respecter of any type, race, education, or social status! I guess what I want to say, educate yourself! Books, internet, support groups! Don’t sweep it under the rug! Denny and I have both suffered through, watching each other, not knowing what to do, and in our self centered minds, took it personal! Depression is not an attack against someone! Someone falls on the floor gasping for air, grabbing his chest, oh my God, a heart attack! Someone sitting in a chair, laying in bed, not going to work, crying all the time, we yell at them! Sooooo wrong! Please look for signs! It is not a nice disease! I love all of you! Live your best, happy self! If you can’t, please tell a trusted person! Goodnight! God bless!❤️😴😴❤️

Good evening! Quick quote! I am constantly looking for great quotes, from great people! I not only want to read them, I want to learn how to apply these profound things to my life, to have a healthy, happier life! No matter what the circumstances! Someone asked me today, why do you walk? I said for my health, but it is so much more! All of the positive things I do for Denny’s and my life, I will be honest, all were probably started for the wrong reasons! Now everything I try to squeeze in, I believe I am choosing them all now for the right reasons! Food for thought before bed! Late to bed again, we went to tell my 90 year old uncle, Happy Birthday! I made him a candy card! He laughed! God bless your night! Till tomorrow!❤️😴😴❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! Since I can see a lot of trees around here, all shapes and sizes! The wind blows a lot more around here also! Much more than in the city! Sometimes I do my devotions, journaling and writing outside! Between us and the golf course, nothing but trees! Watching them, I thought of dancing, all of that different movement! I thought, that’s quite delightful! Never really took the time to notice something that most of us take for granted! Not to mention the many purposes for trees, environmentally speaking! I know a couple of teachers! They know the importance! It all makes me stop and think about everything in life and there purpose! Everything I look at now, puts me into deep thought! I have always liked to smile and that brought compliments! Of course I liked! So much, so different in my life! That a leaf on a tree can make me cry! That sends my mind thinking about how fast our years went by! Everybody’s years! How trees just keep growing, producing new leaves over and over! What would that be like? Starting a new life every Spring! Of course those are just thoughts! We all know the circle of life and how it goes! Gods design is perfect, in everything I look at, I see God! Every evil thing in this world will pass away, how God sees fit! I trust Him and what His word says! So, while I wait for His return, and take care of my Denny, I will continue to look for beauty in everything I see! A new appreciation for my life and all of my loved ones! Really, all life! It’s just so precious! Take a little extra time to really look and understand! It just might make all the difference! Have a great night! God bless!❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️❤️🤗🤗❤️

I love this phrase! It really says so much! How many times over the years without thinking, standing next to a person, we compare ourselves to others! Making ourselves feel bad, less of, in so many ways! We don’t even know these people, or what they are going through! Love yourself, right where you are! Accept the things that cannot be changed, like illness or things you consider to be imperfections! Grow and bloom in your own spot, your own space! You, little flower are a unique individual! The mold was broken when God made you! Get a good nights rest! We are very late to bed! My sister and brother-in-law law came for supper! Nice visit! God bless!❤️😴❤️😴❤️

Good evening! Tuesday blog! We have all heard the phrase, chasing rainbows! It’s funny to me, not ha, ha, that chasing rainbows means, unattainable things! Constantly pursuing things that are unrealistic or unlikely to happen! Then the real rainbow after a storm, in the sky, that seems to appear out of know where! It is the promise from God! I find it all amazing! If you see the sun out during the rain, I always run to see! It’s especially beautiful when you are driving and, and it just appears! I was a rainbow chaser, always looking for unrealistic things! Like Fairytales or get rich quick gambling! Only to be a disappointment to myself and others! It’s also a rat race, hamster on a wheel, so to speak! I am grounded! I now chase the real Rainbow! The one that holds the promise! To chase unrealistic, will leave you sad and bewildered! Take care of your heart and mind, the thought process can lead one to deceive the other! It can grow into something that will make you feel like a failure, when , you are not! God gave us His promises to live a victorious life! Victory in Jesus, means it is finished! No more battles within our souls! That has brought a peace to my life, that tells me, reassures me, I will run this race, to the finish! Do not ever feel, or think that change is not possible! I am living proof! Far from perfect, but I will not give up! Have a great, restful night! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

I loved hearing it as a child! We had a busy day! I love this picture of the sun, heart shaped! So with that, we say goodnight to all of you, sweet dreams! Till tomorrow! You are loved! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Sunday blog! I have said this so many times! I love this man who sits next to me everyday! It is so much deeper now! You remember those butterflies in the stomach, staring at the phone, when is it going to ring, hair, clothes, makeup, everything had to be perfect! Then the day comes, the big day! The day you make all of the promises! I know, I was married before, so was Denny! As time goes on, such a busy life, for all concerned! Most households now are double career minded, men and women! What I am getting at is, how hard it is to get it all in! Each day carries such a heavy load! Each individual needs to take me time! But couples, young and older, need that special date time! I still get excited when we go out for a meal! When life changes on a dime, you have to be prepared! I was not! When rescue squads started coming in the middle of the night and you cannot sign the papers! That is not good! We had to get a lot in order! It was a lot for me, I now had to take care of things that I never thought about! It’s all good now! Illness has brought about a deeper love, a deeper commitment! I truly want, need to take care of the person I vowed to take care of! All very humbling! Sometimes, something touches me deeply, I don’t want him to see me cry! He would think something was very wrong! Just some feelings have to sneak out! Young ones, please know that your vows carry a heavy load sometimes! You never know! Be kind to all, make time! It’s so important to me! We all still have a lot of feelings! God has shown me much and I’m leaning on him to carry us through! God bless each and every one of you! You are loved!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Saturday blog! I think everyone knows by now, I am a walker! I feel I fit in that class by now! Walking has become a way of life for me! It really has become my friend! Not to many are there at 6:00am! I talk to myself, I talk to the deer, I talk to the bunnies! Above all, I have my best friend with me, Jesus! I poor my heart out to him! With every step I take, each piece of nature I look at! I am one with God! I believe He brought me back to my childhood home, so I could finish unresolved things in my life, within my heart, within my mind, within my soul! I am at peace with myself, my mom, my husband, and my Lord! Gracious enough to bring me back home and touch my life with all of this beauty! Walking is like medication, when you really let it in! I feel and love what it has done for me, mind, body and soul! Actually a high! When I can’t get over there, I miss it! Have a great night! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Quickie Friday night blog! Does anyone out there run past the day they are in? Pretty much my whole life! Big expectations, in all areas! Disappointed , every time! For me, those feelings got me in trouble, every time! One feeling jumping onto another! Sorry for self, why me, nothing good ever comes along, Boohoo! I couldn’t see past my pity party! Why can’t I have that, I deserve that, I want that! Boohoo! After I finished therapy and was strong enough, I placed enough positive things in my life, and applied them with the proper thinking tools! I choose and do take only today to look at! Love the song “One Day At A Time” So much truth! I have moved past thinking about tomorrow, until it gets here! I love my walking, I started August 2015, my old self would have quit if she achieved a certain level! Then be mad at everyone else because of my choice! I get my clothing ready before bed! Things happen, if it turns into an I can’t go day, I put it away! Maybe I can walk later, it’s not impossible, if you really want to! Some say, I could never keep up with you! I didn’t start out fast and furious! Since starting walking, obstacles, 3 joint replacements, hospital and nursing homes for Denny’s rehab! All good excuses to not walk anymore! I was on the positive trail! I still am! I touched base the other day with my therapist! He is proud of me! I constantly thank him, he says, you did all of the work! I am so incredibly thankful for the new life I have! I face more now than ever, but I see so clearly! It’s amazing! I do not want to ever go backwards again! I do not want to know her again! But she did help in who I have become! I am very passionate about my choices! It’s not the end of the world if circumstance changes things! Choose one day at a time! We are not even promised that! Have a great night!😴❤️😴God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good afternoon! Thursday blog! Sharing some of my memories and favorite things! I was fortunate enough to grow up in the country, with both of my grandma’s living on the same street! My grandma Bodi adopted my dad at 10! She fostered him as a baby! I believe she loved him like her own! It was a very different era back then! If anything out of the ordinary was going on, it was kept a secret! I only know what I saw and heard! Us little ones were only allowed to be seen and not heard! Very strange! Talk about holding a lot in! You would not think she had a lot of time to do anything, much less, do everything a handmade quilt entailed! More than a couple! She was a teenager when she married a very much older man! They had 3 children, adopted my dad and she took in her daughter in law, who had my grandma’s six grandsons! One of them being the one shot down over the water! His name was also Robert Bodi! Then my dad, taken prisoner! That’s enough heartache for a lifetime! I heard my grandma referred to as a mean old bird! I’m sure she had to back then to survive! She was always good to my sister and I and our cousins! Her grandsons were devoted to her, out of love or guilt, I do not know! But, the quilts, I was quite taken with! I’m sure a lot of the material might have been shirts and dresses! Five of them came to live with me! With our move and downsizing, the quilts were passed on to our son! He is a lover of antiques! Like his mother! A good friend of mine taught me to quilt, and together we took lessons at church! Very fun times, with great memories! I have quilt tops that are not quilts yet! Quilts are a step back in time! A totally different way of living! Old quilts are timeless and have stories behind them! Like I said, she was 100 when she passed! That’s a lot of life! If you are fortunate enough to still have, grandparents and great grandparents, there is a lot you can learn! My mom has some things from her family line! Scrap quilts are the best! Left over material from everything you ever made! This picture of a double wedding ring I started a long time ago! All of the printed materials are scraps! Whenever I get it done, it will have a story all its own! It’s a wonderful, gift, talent and hobby, all rolled into one! It’s also becoming a thing of the past for some, just like homemade pie! There is a lot to be learned from the older crowd, if you take time to listen! 1 am so thankful for my memories! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Wednesday blog! Like a thief in the night! Isn’t that a popular phrase? It’s true! Things can sneak up on us, quickly, without warning! That’s what happened here! Is anyone ever prepared! Even when you know God, when sudden, illness, diagnosis, accidents, death, comes calling! None of these are respecters of life and feelings! Your life can be tipped upside down, in an instant! Some people feel like a black cloud is hanging over them! It’s not true! Yes, there are black clouds! I choose to look beyond the black clouds! The silver lining! I have been on both sides! I do have my moments, I try to keep them at a distance! I want Denny to see, happy face, happy eyes! My humanness cries, it’s not fair, he did not get to enjoy one day of retirement! Our world right now, feels like a million different directions! For me, it’s important, to keep my eyes, on the prize! Eternity with Jesus! You cannot look to humans for any of this! Not even your spouse! Human life can fall apart quickly! The word of God stands forever! I know many of you, who have run this race already! I see you, I hear you, I feel your pain, I now know how that feels! I also know, the victory has already been won! Hallelujah!!! For all of us, if we choose! I know this, because I am forgiven! I rejoice in Him! With tears in my eyes and heart for what we will not have here, I choose to face it with joy and happiness! This life is a struggle, just turn on your TV! It’s everywhere! I am not alone! God says so! That’s good enough for me! Jesus, come quickly! Have a beautiful and fantastic day, no matter what your black cloud is! Look on the other side! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Tuesday blog! As promised, my caregiver poem! Everyday is an opportunity to show Denny how important he still is to us, his family! I really try to see past the Parkinson’s! Denny is so much more than a disease! Everyday is different! Denny is very old school! His view on being a husband, father, and grandfather, he believes he is a failure! Sooooooo not true! I, soooo want him past that! He is still all of those wonderful titles that God blessed him with! Parkinson’s is not nice to the brain! It tells him all those failure things! I call it stinking, thinking! Funny, but, not funny! I have always prayed and asked God to give me compassion, so He did! Now, it’s my way of life! A sense of humor at this stage is very important! If I don’t keep working at this, I would be in a puddle of tears everyday! Watch what you say and do, watch how you treat people, especially our families, be careful what you ask of God, be sincere, He just might see if you can handle it! I am up for the task! One day at a time! Have a fantastic day! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

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Good morning! Monday morning blog! My poem, a continuation from Heaven Bound! No walk this morning, Denny has boxing! As we juggle time here, in this house, in this life, I do think of Jesus coming! I cannot speak for others! Life is short, I don’t care how you see it! Life has struggles! Thinking of a place where there is no more, pain, suffering, no death, no more tears! Only, joy, happiness and Jesus! I know how I feel at a family party or any gathering, all smiles and hugs! As I wait for His coming, I know I disappoint! We selfish humans get in the way of ourselves! I will keep moving forward, the prize is in sight! The victory has already been won! We just have to keep pressing on, finish your race, in the name of Jesus! Amen! Have a wonderful Monday, a great start to your week! Love to all! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good night! Sunday night mini blog! I think a lot about heaven! Especially on Sunday!This is just a snip it picture, for thought, until tomorrow! I hope you all had a memory making weekend! Everyday with Denny is a memory for me! Get some rest for the start of your week! God bless!❤️😴😴❤️

Goodnight! We are up late, for us anyway! Saturday night quick blog! I did not want to pass on seeing “Beauty and the Beast” again! Such a great job and a lot of work! Oregon Community Theater does a fantastic job with all of those kids! Two of our granddaughters in that group! I love being a grandma so much! Most of them are grown, but of course, a great grandson in November! I cannot wait for round Three! Have a great Sunday, the Lords Day!❤️😴😴❤️

Goodnight time! Mini blog! I did not write this poem! It’s beautiful, thoughtful and true! There is a lot out there, on memory illness! I don’t care for being called that, but I do a lot of it! I love this man, my Denny, more than he will ever know in this lifetime! It will be by far the hardest thing I will ever be called to do! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Thursday and Friday blog! Thank you for your patience! Tears of everything in this life, cry out and are heard all around this whole world! If anyone says they do not cry or have never cried, I do not believe them! It is a God given feeling , emotions! There are many things that can move us to tears! If I missed some things in my poem, I think you get it! How about tears of loneliness? You can have those alone or in a room full of people! I am not ashamed to cry over anything! Ask my kids! Lol! There was a time, I had very unhealthy crying over very unhealthy things! Circumstances or choice, they all make us cry! It’s important not to get stuck, in any emotion! One can release a lot of emotions with tears! I do it everyday! But, even if I let sadness come in and visit, it’s not allowed to stay! Let it out, release all that is buried within you! I feel this is very important! Let’s not forget tears of laughter! Refreshing and healing! Mom and I do it all the time! We just hit each other’s funny bones! Moms, let your boys cry, I do not know why people think that makes a weak person! Quite the opposite! I find strength there, softening the heart, tears of compassion, humility, empathy, understanding, forgiveness and kindness! Wrap your arms around someone, it can move you to tears! Let your children see your tears and recovery from a good cry! Cry with them! Emotions are strong, they all have there proper place! Grow from them! Tears can give you power to overcome much! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Goodnight! Thursday quickie blog! I held true, my poem about tears is written! Truly not enough hours today and I got up at 3:00am! I walked, did writing, breakfast, showers, cousin flew in from Fla. had a nice visit, more writing, oh I forgot, in all of that, I double dyed my hair and gave Denny a haircut! Then supper with cousins at Packos! Quick stop for flowers, 2 of our granddaughters are in Beauty and the Beast! So, tomorrow Tears! Today you can see the family priorities! Love all of you! Thank you for reading! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Goodnight! Let’s think about tears and what they mean and do not mean! Poem and story tomorrow! Sweet dreams!❤️😴😴❤️

Good morning! Tuesday and Wednesday blog! I think about “what if” a lot! Not that I am living in the past, not wishing I could change things from the past! The things I know for sure and how my life changed, with each right or wrong choice, good or bad choice! I think you know what I mean! I have all of the uglies, they are mine! Guilt, shame, regret, making excuses, the list could go on and on! What is important, I carry them, they are mine, I don’t live in it anymore! I can sit and think about each one and what transpired to bring it about and it’s ok! I allow myself to cry, emotions are ok! I get angry, frustrated about life, it’s ok! Just do not get stuck! Keep moving past it! Each step past, will make you stronger, then you can stand up against each thing as it comes! They don’t leave, but the choices to visit them once in awhile, are mine! I have caused a lot of pain in my 66 years, I have also had a lot of painful things done to me! Whether they were done by circumstance or choice, if it left a trail of pain and suffering that just keeps stacking up, that tower will come crashing down! In some way, shape or form! I know, I cannot be the only one who has faced these issues! But, how many have dealt with each one! I have chased “what if’s” for years! You cannot erase it! You can use it though for change, for strength, for power and to help others see, you are not alone in your struggles! Whatever your battle is, two choices, two views! What an awakening that was for me! I grew up on this country road! A lot has changed out here, including how I look at my past! My adopted grandmother had children from orphanages, many, all of them boys, who took their pain out on me! Of course, I did not see it that way back then! But, the evil existed! I was just a child! I hated them! Now, looking back, what happened to them? Why were they removed from their homes back in the 50’s? I feel sorrow for them, I have forgiven them, I pray they have made all of the right choices to move past their pain! When I was 14, a trusted person hurt me, someone my parents trusted! I could ask, “what if”! Deep hidden pain will control you and blind you! I went looking in all of the wrong places! But I have also reaped beauty! My children and grandchildren are my crowns of glory! But my pain still existed! Suicide is a very ugly word! It has touched way to many lives! I believe in my heart of hearts, not one of them wanted to die! You just want the pain to stop! I have a mental illness, my views have been very distorted! I am bipolar 1, when mood swings up and down, very poor choices! I did not know how to swim, when I crawled up on the Cherry Street Bridge! Sitting on the ledge crying! Yes it grieves me! I did not want to die! I had a child! “What if” I had fallen in the water? Someone saw me, police came! Mental illness back then was not dealt with properly! I spent the night in jail, to ashamed to seek help! Being a perfectionist, I kept moving forward, not understanding why my moods went up and down so severely! I can’t let anyone see that! My life went on, I love my family! It was never about them! It’s about pain so deep, your whole physical being hurts to your soul! My choices after our children were grown, once again became very distorted! I was mentally killing my family! I went to church, I knew God! I had already been in psychiatric! One Sunday morning in my pain, I pulled the car in the garage and waited to fall asleep! Thank God, I was found! Again, “what if”! Please I urge you! Do not leave that kind of “what if” behind you! Even after all of the pain I knew I was causing, I thought I had the right to do anything I wanted! Like becoming addicted to one thing after another! That’s why I say, do not wait until you are 63 to get it all together! In light of my Denny being sick now, my biggest regret, is wasted time! ” What if ” I only have today? Make it count! I am not perfect and I never will be! But, I will not stop working and pushing forward to be my best self! The Marilyn that God has always wanted me to be! It is not my intention to hurt my family by sharing my life! We all know someone in pain! Don’t be afraid to speak! God gave me a very loving, patient and forgiving family! I love them all so much! Think about your “what if” it might cause a chain reaction, that won’t stop! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Goodnight! Tuesday night quickie blog! Story and poem for tomorrow! Just think about it, put “what if “to everything you choose and do! We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so, “what if”? God Bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Monday blog! I wrote a poem sometime back, All About Change! This morning when I came outside to write, I caught my arm in the door! It was very painful! I do not swear! When I got it all together, and sat down to write, I started thinking about that! Change comes with choices, choices come with change! I love it! It is liberating, being set free, from the chains of the past! Believe it or not, everything in our life, that has touched our life, in one way or another, changes everything in our life! Whether good or bad, it leaves a mark of some kind! Many of these marks from life are deep wounds with scar tissue! You cannot keep putting a Band-Aid on top of an oozing wound! I know that sounds disgusting! But that is a term that more than one therapist uses! I have heard it many times! I just did not want to do it! It is very painful to go back over past things that you want to forget! You have to clean out the ugly, to get to the beauty! Your true self, will be beautiful from the inside out and then your outer appearance will radiate that! I’m telling you, it will be a brand new you! Like being born again! For me, God gets all of the glory, he used a lot of my loved ones and circumstances to set me on the right path! In the beginning, it was a slow go with baby steps! Each positive step I took lead me to bigger and better! If you can not get it together on your own, then ask for help somewhere! I took friend and family to the minister! I was living such a deceitful life! It did not happen overnight! My addiction to gambling had quite a grip on me! Being in recovery with a therapist and group therapy, is the best thing that has ever happened to me, beside Gods Grace! You have to work on all of you, not just bits and pieces! Joy and happiness , those are my two choices, my two buddies, for the rest of my life! With these two, you cannot go wrong! Please do not use the excuse, but you do not know what I have been through! Yes I do! In the next few weeks, I will start sharing what I know about evil, how it touched my life, and how I carried that pain for years! How I have looked it all in the face and have chosen to forgive! That which does not break you, will make you stronger! I had power all along, praise God, He opened my heart and my eyes! I have always been beautiful in His sight! God bless! Clean out your wounds, be your best vision of you!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good afternoon! Sunday blog! Today I want to share what weight loss and walking has done for me, my overall well being! My mental state and physical strength! Even though bipolar is controlled by the proper meds, walking can take care of any depression! After failing at every weight loss choice and spending thousands of dollars, gastric bypass became my choice to get eating under control! I am not saying I do not make mistakes! Human! Recovery helped me see things in a different light! Two ways to see things! Two ways to choose! The Nike slogan has always been a favorite of mine! Nike shoes were my favorite! They are just to narrow to walk that many miles! Old feet need more room! My diet is not always healthy, but the gastric bypass keeps my intake, way down! Journaling about my changes everyday is very helpful also! I love reading back over and seeing changes! Most of you know, if I have nervous energy, I bake! Walking has become my #1 passion! When I cant go for whatever reason, my day just is not the same! Then poems, it was just for fun, until I started to feel a release of emotions! So, no matter how your decision comes about, “Just Do It”! You know exercise is really part of your life when different obstacles come along, like joint replacement! I have had three! When it was time, right back at it! I was dedicated to walking in the city, you do what you have to do! But, it is nothing compared to my morning time at beautiful Maumee Bay State Park! The earlier the better! I love being the only one out there! I said before, I am not an expert! When I compare the past to now, I was just buried in grief and pain! No clue on how to move past it! Burying myself deeper and deeper! I do not know how I would have coped with Denny’s illness, if I had not gotten the help I needed to cope with life! The story we have been given! Start small and build! God bless your decisions! I thank God for helping me with mine! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Saturday blog! Today is a love letter to my Denny, and our marriage of 42 years! Believe me, when I say, we took each other to hell and back! That is no exaggeration! My reasons for sharing this, I have said before, we are both bipolar, if you know anything about that, you know what I am talking about! We were both in our late 40s before we found out, at separate times! Neither one of us wanted or did we take responsibility for ourselves or our actions! How we and our children survived that kind of mental anguish, I believe is a miracle! I do believe in miracles, because I believe in God, and his word, and his promises to us! Long painful lessons we learned from each other and God! One thing we know for sure, and has stood the test of 42 years, is our love and commitment to each other! With help, with recovery, with medication, and faithfulness, you can overcome anything! The fact that I now experience joy through this test of illness, is also a miracle! I look in the mirror when I get up, I use to ask why are we going through this, please take it away! Now I ask myself, are you going to have a good day or a bad day! GOOD DAY!!! With Parkinson’s, that illness can be different every day, not bad, different! So, we have to roll with the punches! I have to be positive and stay positive, for both of us! That’s not always easy! I do not want the golden years of our life to be memories of sitting on a couch all day long! Winter is hard enough, getting around with a walker and wheelchair will be even harder! So I am trying to pack some life and memories into our summers! I am almost 10 years younger than Denny! And I am healthier than I was at 23 when we married! So, I am up for the task! I want to remember that he was still able to smile, even with the struggles! That’s what I look for every day, his smile! It is a very hard thing to swallow, that you wasted time and years, love is wonderful, all of the feelings that you have when you fall in love, are wonderful! Feelings are fleeting, do not depend on feelings! Commitment is what it is all about! So thankful that I learned the meaning, the true meaning of that word! Don’t let feelings run your life! You will be disappointed! God bless all of you and your relationships! You never know what will be asked of you!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Friday quick blog! We went on a spur of the moment picnic over at the park! I love my Denny so much! Any time together, anywhere is wonderful, by the water, the best! I ran tonight, pushing the chair, holding onto doggie! A little to much for her! I got my exercise in! Any memory I can make, no matter how short! Will stay in my heart forever! Nothing from the past matters at this stage! No poem tonight! Just a short speech! Love one another and hold each other, like you know for sure there is no tomorrow! God bless! Have a great night!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Thursday morning blog! In 2019 and, with so much talk about being kind, I think there are quite a few people that are not listening! I am not being critical of anyone! I have been on, just about every end of the stick! I can say that because everything I chose was for the approval from other people! That will never make you a happy person! My hair, my make up, my nail color, the length of my hair, my clothing, my size, my job, my preference in food, my diet, my music! You get the picture! I could go on and on! I have been a heavier version of myself! I know how it feels to hear words about weight! No one wakes up and says, I think my goal will be weight gain! How absurd! I didn’t wake and say, I think I will be an addict of everything I touch! How absurd! We all make this world go around! To be critical of everything you do not like is cruel! It is no ones business what choices you make, unless you are hurting yourself or someone else physically! People, really, can you not see past what is in front of you, and see a hurting world! I am such a person! I am talking about me! I have been big and small more than once, for the wrong reasons! I have had hateful words come out of my mouth as well as loving words! My actions did not always spell love! I have a mental illness, bipolar, so does my husband, as well as Parkinson’s! No one knows what a persons day is like, not even if you are staring at them all day! Get past you! I am becoming so sensitive in these areas! I am not better than anyone, simply because I am making better choices! There is a difference! God loves us all! He sees past all! He only looks at the heart! How is your heart today? I am taking inventory of mine! And, do not be afraid to point it out to me, if I screw up! I am a human, that makes mistakes! Recovery has taught me how to recover! My very huge point, what you say about someone, or to someone, ask yourself, do you want that said to you! Are you building up or tearing down? It’s a very tall order! You can do it! 21 days to form a new habit! Make it kindness! God bless all of you beautiful people! I love you right where you are, because, I have been there! I tore my family to shreds, change is possible! Be kind while everyone is trying to figure it out!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Wednesday blog! This topic of my Father, is near and dear to my heart! In my teenage bipolar years, I had a lot of very negative thinking going on! Bipolar thought process is so distorted! My dad had issues himself that he never dealt with, as I have touched on in my poem! He had some very serious and painful things, he did not get over or have the proper tools to get over these things! Myself, having gone through addiction recovery, I see my dad and my distortions of things so differently! Once again, I will say, regret is an awful thing to live with! Because, it can never come back or be changed! So, at this statement, if you have time, take it! Even if the other person is not receptive! Do it for you and your own mental health! You have to live with you, after their gone! I could cry a river, for time I wish I could have back to talk to him, about things, to say I’m sorry for my part in hurting my family! To share my recovery with him! My dad was put in another home as a baby, that family adopted him later! I don’t think they did much as a family, except church! Drafted into the Army and then a POW! Heartbreaking! But I know now, how much he loved his family! He gave us everything we needed at every stage of our life! I am sorry I did not get to know you, the way, I wish I could know you now! Living here in your home with mom has helped me put a lot of things to rest! That is always a good thing! I miss you and I love you with all of my heart! Thank you for everything you did and gave to take care of us! You did the best with what you knew! You were the best! I can’t stress it enough, take time! God will help you open doors you don’t even know exist! God bless!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Monday and Tuesday blog! I am sorry I did not get it done yesterday! I do feel amiss if I don’t! I did have a busy day yesterday! We have 3 family members born on the 8th! My dad, who has been gone 13 years, my only girl cousin, on my moms side, she is my dads Goddaughter! And then, our beautiful Marleigh girl/ granddaughter, turned 14! Early yesterday, I did pies! So, pie delivery and a visit! Back home, I started this poem, prior to our B-day dinner with family, for our special girl! I soooo love being out with our family! I did not get it done! But, sitting and watching my family interact with one another, I love the laughter and smiles on their faces! I started thinking about words as they come rolling off of our tongues so quickly! I am guilty on both ends! I don’t want to be! I do appreciate, if it is brought to my attention! There was a time when it would have insulted me! If a person never brings it to your attention, how are we going to learn! It can be done lovingly! My daughter has shown me that! You are never to old to learn! Saying, I am set in my ways, to old to change now, to much! Excuses to say whatever you want without thinking, is cruel! I want it brought to my attention! I never want to stop evolving in some area! I am a firm believer, an old dog can be taught new tricks! If they pay attention! I am going to share something, without going into great detail! Our beautiful granddaughter who turned 14 yesterday, was in a rollover car crash, Sunday the day before, on the Turnpike! All 4 people walked away! In my mind, that is a miracle! Thank you Jesus! I am not sharing this for comments! It’s a praise! But, it is also a what if, I never had a chance again, to say, I love, you are beautiful, you are such a gift, Happy Birthday! All loving gifts of words, words that build up, not tear down! Do not wait until an accident, to say all of the right things, that we all want to hear! Last evening, every time I looked at her, I breathed a prayer of thanks! But also, she had a big smile all evening! I believe, she was thankful! Sooooo let’s think before we open our mouths, what if I never…………..God bless you and your words!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Sunday blog! Let’s talk about Sunday! I am writing outside this morning! The air feels so good! Gods creation all around me! My church this morning was the Park! However you believe or feel about Sunday, it’s ok! For me, Sunday’s were always special! It took me a while to see that, but, I know it now, and my memories are priceless! My dad grew up Catholic! He took my sister and I to church every Sunday, we went to catechism every Saturday morning! Yes, I did not like it, nor, did I learn anything from it! But, our day with dad was special! My mom is a great cook and baker! We came home from church to a great smelling house and had a delicious meal together! Lots of family stopped by from both sides and ate with us! It’s like the fish and the loaves of bread, always enough to feed everyone! Lol! Later on dad stopped going and we just had family time! Going on long rides, eating dinner out, and ice cream! It was great! Later, after my sister and I married and started families of our own, family meals on Sunday began again! All of us cousins in the area all having babies at the same time, lots of family stopping by! After my second child, some friends invited us to church, in the little town of Walbridge! It was there that I learned the true meaning of the Lords Day, the day of rest! To this day, I still try to make sure I have things done by Saturday! Sunday’s are a wonderful day and reminder of obedience to Gods word, scripture! His plan for the earth and creation is perfect! Worship is important! With Social Media, you really can watch any service, from any church! When our children were young, we went home after and always had a big meal also, the teen years came and we started going out to eat after church! Take the time on Sunday to recoup for the week ahead! It really does matter! Once again, important to make those family memories! God bless! Enjoy your Sunday, that God set aside for you!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Continued from last night! Good morning! Friday and Saturday blog! Yesterday morning after Denny got up and around, Beagle included, I said, let’s go driving up North! So our little day trip began! These days I pack enough, just in case of any emergencies! To Denny, it looks like we are never coming back! Parkinson’s can give some very unsure thoughts! So I rely on prayers and humor! I still love his smile! I have to stay upbeat and positive for both of us! My walking is very helpful in keeping stress levels down! It also frees my mind for a while! I come back ready to face whatever! Everyday is very different for us! A good different! So yesterday , we went as far as Detroit, a couple of rest areas, Beagle loved! Then we found Lake Erie Metropark ! It was beautiful! Biggest swimming pool I have ever seen and packed, also a food bar and a Museum! Had lunch and headed back! Got home around 6:30pm, that’s almost bedtime for us! I have always loved day trips! We did that often, when we were little! Dad always wanted to go somewhere! I have fond memories of those days! I also love to drive, so taking off is not a problem! We are shooting for a movie next week! One day at a time! God willing! When you live with an illness, you cannot let it take over or give into it! Also, you cannot become upset if your plans don’t take place! Things can change quickly! I am certainly learning to go with the flow! Whatever lands in our lap, we are doing it together! Gods blessings, this holiday weekend! You will find us relaxing at home! Pick something you love and make it a memory!❤️🤗🐶🤗❤️

We went for a ride up into Mi. Lovely day! That’s the name of the Poem, Day Tripping! I will publish it in the morning! Along with a blog!God bless, have a wonderful night!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good evening! Thursday blog! I so hope you all had a 4th of July as wonderful as ours was! The older I get, I live for our kids and grandkids to come home and spend memory time with us! I love watching their faces as they interact! Their expressions as they look at each other! The laughter that something on their phones generates! For me, it’s priceless! To miss one holiday with my family, it’s something you can’t get back! Some say, oh there are always more! That’s not true! None of us knows when! The freedom to do it,makes it even better! Red hearts and the American Flag, anything Americana! It’s for me! They both have such meaning to me! Sentimental I am! Every sappy word, I am! These things truly keep my heart soft where anyone or anything are concerned! God has blessed us so in the past few years, with my recovery and my bipolar stable! Never again do I ever want my emotions all over the map! So, it’s bedtime for us! I stayed up long enough to write! I wrote the poem after the family left! My cousin stopped by, I got a late start! Love to all of you! I urge you to start traditions, if you have not! Time passes all to quickly! God bless! I pray you all get a good nights rest! I will! My Denny is sitting here waiting patiently! Enjoy life!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Wednesday blog! It’s hard to believe , it’s almost the 4th of July! Summer picnics are the best! We had so many, growing up here in my childhood home! My sister and I bringing our babies home for burgers and hot dogs! Then as our families grew, we parted and started having our own! We had many on Butler St. We had a pool, the street was safe, all of our children and grandchildren bobbing around on rafts and inflatables! The countless pictures I have, of all the babies! My eyes fill with tears just thinking about it! It all went by so fast! Do not waste a minute! Regret is a hard one to live with! Grab every minute that you can! I cannot wait to make memories with my 1st great grand baby! God willing! In November! Holidays, picnics, I live for these times with all of our family! My poem is about eternity, with our Heavenly Father, where I will eat once again with my earthly Father! With our perfectness shining bright through all of eternity! Just everlasting everything! No pain, only whole bodies, no tears, no hatred, no killing, no war, no race! Nothing, but beautifulness shining brightly, with that brightness glowing off of the streets of gold! With the ultimate light at the table, Jesus! The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit! With love and lovely words coming out of our mouths! Think of your happiest moments, the thrill, that’s heaven, and it will never end! God bless you, your families and your memories! Have a great day! Even better, have the best 4th of July ever! Call your kids, grandkids, parents, grandparents and so on! Show them what picnics are all about, so they can pass it on! I will always have my memories! Enjoy!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Tuesday blog! Do you have on your positive thinking caps? Today is the day! Do not keep putting it off! Just pick one thing you would like to work on! It can happen! I did not believe it! I believed I was too far gone! How??? My body, my thought process, any process! I wanted to blame everything and everyone! Running on an emotional gas tank, leaves you on empty, everyday! Moving from one addiction to another, one emotion to another! Never a good thing! Emotions are a great thing, when they come at the right time, laughing, crying, anger, lonely! You don’t want those to go away! Walking around numb is never good either! But, all of these things and feelings, used correctly, will leave you with a satisfied heart! It all has to be put in the proper perspective! I did not find this on my own! I did not have a clue! It all looked and seemed to big to tackle! That’s where baby steps come in! Just tackle one thing at a time! I stayed in group therapy for two years! I still miss it, but eventually, you have to fly on your own! If you falter a bit, do not give up! We can and are our own worst enemies! Forgiveness of self, is so important! I have faith in all of you! I find journaling to be very affective in getting feelings out! Start with a 5 minute walk, then increase! Get proper sleep, drink lots of water, pick one, and start there! I don’t ever want to go backwards again! Look in the mirror, tell yourself, you are worth it! Everyday! God bless! HE will give you the wings you need to fly above it all! Have a wonderful day!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Monday blog! I believe this is a very important one! In light of writing about Anniversaries and long marriages, I wrote Blended Families last evening! we also have our share of divorce and remarriage, which can create a blended family! Denny and I are such a family! Yours, mine, and ours! My Denny is a man with a big heart, he made mine his! We became a family of six, every weekend! I did not stop to think of how hard that is on all levels, especially the children! I did know right from the start, we were a package deal! His two girls, my boy and we had a girl together! Happily ever after! Remember, Denny and I both, are bipolar! Not always thinking rationally! Throw in some extra baggage, like anger, distrust, rebellion! The list could go on and on, and it did get longer! If you are one that sees or feels these things seem to be a part of life! I urge you to seek help in blending your family! That does not make you a weak person or unloving! Sometimes personalities just bounce off of each other! Taking on even the part time blended family, is not for the faint of heart! The waters can get rough! You need to be very careful with words! These things can leave lasting heart and soul scars! I’m sure I am guilty! I love Denny’s girls, they are mine also in many ways! I’ve seen them through all of the milestones and many more to come! Denny loved my boy right from the start and so did the girls! My boy started calling Denny daddy right from the start! He was only two! The girls, eight and nine! Ours together came almost two years after we were married! You get the picture! You might have the same story! Whether by divorce or death, you acquired a blended family or took on a whole new role! It is a high calling! Even if one remarries, with adult children, special occasions will throw you all in the same pot! Let’s not forget, with blended families comes the other real parent! Yikes! You need to be prepared for that one! You can make peace, you can show loving kindness! Do not leave your children thinking they have to choose between all of the people they love and want to be loyal to! Or that they created the problem! Tough decisions! So, in my not perfect life, I caution you about divorce, it does not take care of problems or erase them! It is a bigger problem, tossed on top of your pile of problems! Divorces and blending families can be very sticky and messy, depending on what choices are being made! Once again, I am no expert! I have been there, I listen to other people’s stories! Put all of those stories in one house, you will either have, A Fiction, A Cartoon, A Comedy, A Drama, A Tragedy, A Novel, An Animation! Or A Best Seller about change, love and forgiveness and acceptance! You choose! I have been every title here! Who knows, I’m sure I was called a few other things! I have made many mistakes on my path! I have also made peace with it! I want to be remembered, long after I’m gone, for putting others first, especially my husband Denny and his needs, for practicing my wedding vows, for smiling, even through tears, for being joyful and happy in adversity, for loving Jesus, for having faith, for being positive, for loving, accepting, forgiving, being strong, compassionate, showing humility, being an overcomer, giving, someone who people can count on, grateful, thankful, appreciative! On and on the list goes! I will never attain all of these, but, I won’t stop trying! I love Jesus, I love my family! God bless! Have a wonderful day and thank God for something!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Sunday blog! Let’s have some more family time stories! Anniversaries are special indeed! Every year that passes and you learn the meaning of true love, commitment, is a gift! To make it all the way to 50, speaks volumes! Yesterday was such a day! My cousin and his wife will be 50 years in July! A surprise party was given to them yesterday from their children! I am blessed enough to have been raised with all of my cousins close by, with countless reasons to celebrate together! I don’t think a lot of people can say that! The older I get , the more my family means to me! We had some out of state cousins yesterday, priceless! The line of long marriages in our family is long, most of them marrying very young! We have a nephew getting married in Greece today, bride to be, her dream wedding! Beautiful memories they are making! But, again I will caution you! Real happiness does not come from another person! Our choices need to be deliberate! If I got up everyday and said to myself, I cannot face another day of Parkinson’s, watching my husband struggle! I would be living a defeated life! Is that going to make Parkinson’s go away, no! I have learned to see and face life, with all of its struggles! God has pulled back the curtain, I see life so differently! A renewed mind and heart! Denny and I are at Anniversary 42! I pray that we might see a Golden Anniversary! At this time in our life, we are Golden to each other! So, my challenge to all of you, set aside all humor and differences, really look at each other, if you are fortunate to still have each other! Don’t wait until tomorrow, it might not come! Tell your partner, significant other! You know what I mean! Again, I am no expert! But, Denny and I, both know the sting of making wrong choices in our marriage! We are together by the grace of God! The grass is not greener on the other side! I promise you, if you fertilize regularly, you will have the greenest grass ever! That’s a solid Golden promise! God bless all of you and your special one! Enjoy the rest of this gorgeous weekend! I wrote this poem this morning in honor of them, 1969- 2019, WOW! and Amen!❤️🤗🤗❤️Love!❤️

Good morning! Saturday blog! I just wrote this poem this morning! My card table/ makeshift desk is catty corner from the picture window! The curtain is always open, even in the dark! So, every morning I see the sky, before I start anything! As I start, I look up often, waiting for daybreak! That lets me know it’s getting light for walking, if I walk that day! Today, I just kept watching, as the sky gave way to it’s changing colors! If you are up that early, it’s quite a show! With all of the different colors moving around! Gods movie, every morning! Never the same! Really, my mind and eyes cannot get enough! Where have I been all of these years! You know, you see beauty, but not really seeing! Our God truly knew what HE was doing when HE placed everything perfectly! I cannot thank HIM enough for all of the wonder of this beautiful world! I know what you are thinking! You have to look past all of the crime, war, murder, hatred, I know all of that is horrible! But, beauty is still here for us to behold! Death is a fact of life! Sin is a fact of life! We have all done something wrong somewhere! I choose to look and see past the wrong of someone and love the person! That is a tall order! I know the things I have done, I also know the things that have been done to me! I am not better than another person! I want to love, accept, try to understand where someone is in this life! I cannot change a persons life, not one! I can change me! That does not mean that everyone will like me, or forgive me, or accept me! It does not matter! Only me, I can change! Inward, most important, that changes the outward, all by itself! None of us will ever be perfect in this life! We should not stop striving though! I want to wake up thankful every morning! It makes all the difference in how you view things! Stop looking to people for happiness, you will be disappointed every time! Of course I am not telling anyone how to live their life! I do not know what you have been through! My pep talks are for me, about me! I do know the difference between negative and positive though! My mind is set on positive! Amen! That is what my God has done for me! All things are possible with HIM! All things are beautiful, it’s all in how you look at it! Think about the opposite! What happened to that person! They might have a very sad story! Is there one thing you would like to change? My sky every morning, is beautiful, even if it’s storming! Amen, again! Outside my window, all things are beautiful! Keep looking up! God bless your day and weekend! Stay cool! Enjoy my pictures and poem! It’s all for you!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Friday blog! I cannot write enough about God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit! Without the Trinity in my life, without a doubt, I would be dead! I have found, in this fast moving life of ours, the only thing that has stood through the test of time, is The trinity! I accepted Christ in 1980, at some very good friends home! On December 21st! I don’t know, why, when, or how I walked away! I compare my life to be like crashing waves from a fierce storm out in the ocean! Every time I tried to get up, another one came and knocked me down! Each one being worse! I kept trying to fight it in my own strength, for me, impossible! The victory has already been won! I am soooo thankful that I have put my trust, hope, faith and everything else in my life, back in Jesus hands! For me and my weaknesses, Jesus is my anchor and He holds me, no matter the storm! I cannot do this world without Him! Period! When I walk to the park, right across the street, I see the sky, not always the sun! Faith is believing, without seeing! My relationship with Jesus, the one who holds me and my life, in the palm of His hand! This is my real story! There is a song I listen to, I was a dead woman walking! Recovery opened my eyes in many ways, God came back, when I put Him back at the top of the list, where He belongs! No way could I find the peace that passes all understanding, with joy and happiness, facing Denny’s Parkinson’s Disease every day, without God! That’s why I get up early, my heart and soul, my mind and body need to be prepared to face whatever life has for us, every day! To give Denny the best care! God has my story in His hands! I face the same uglies everyday that you face! I choose to face them in a different light! I could never thank God enough on my own! I love Jesus! He is my friend, the changer and arranger of hearts and souls! In heaven when we get our brand new bodies, you will find Denny and I dancing on the beach, sitting on the beach, eating on the beach, laughing on the beach, singing on the beach, holding hands on the beach, praising God forever, eternally, on the beach! Amen! Choose JOY! God bless all of you! Have a safe and wonderful weekend! We are!❤️🤗🤗❤️

Good morning! Thursday blog! I have seen a great deal of Anniversary celebrations on Facebook this month! Who of us women, did not want to be a June Bride? I can see, many of you out there are June Brides! Our beautiful granddaughter, last June 2018 became one! What a lot of you might not know, I too, was a June Bride, 1970! Fresh out of school, married at the end of the month! I was only 17, it was not a have to, it was a want to! I met him through other family ties! In 1968, I was in Florida, with my family, visiting Grandparents! I was only 15! He was a Marine, on furlough , visiting his Grandparents! Through those family ties our Grandparents were friends! He came for dinner and asked me out, being family by marriage, my parents said yes! He left, went back to his station! When we arrived home, he was already here with his family, to say, goodbye, volunteering for his 2nd tour of Vietnam, he was a Sargent! He sought me out to say goodbye, I went to the airport, with the promise of writing everyday! A promise I kept! 10 months later, 1969, we became engaged right away! Looking back, I believe we were both flying by the seat of our pants! My parents gave me a beautiful wedding with all of the trimmings! Being an undiagnosed bipolar, I did everything to please people! I was a good wife at 17! The day after our wedding, at our hotel, I looked in the mirror, I said to myself, what did you do? That was the start of delusional thinking! I believed a child would be the mender of our marriage! I wanted a child more than anything! God gave me a beautiful baby boy at 20 years! He is 46, there are not enough words to describe what my children mean to me! But, children are not meant to be our saving grace! Nothing or anyone can do that for us, only God can give you what you need to fall into its proper place! I woke one morning, and I wanted a divorce! It’s painful to visit the past! I was so selfish, only thinking of me! Blaming everyone! I own the hurt that I caused! We would have been married 49 years this month! Attitude, selfish pride and blaming each other, took us in very different directions! His pride took him far away from us! My point, I tried to erase a person from my life and my sons life! I still believed it when I met Denny! 20 years ago I had opportunity to see my 1st husband again! I told him how sorry I was! I do not know if he forgave me! It gave me peace! I love my family beyond measure! In humanness, we hurt each other badly! I cannot take back any of that pain! I am not sorry that I had another husband long ago! We created a beautiful boy that was born on Valentines Day! That 1st husband gave our son to Denny! My boy was given a wonderful father! I believe that says a lot! Just be careful of choices and riding on feelings! I have a trail of hurt that I have made peace with! My God has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself! I am moving forward not backwards! There is a reason to look into a rear view mirror! It shows what’s behind us! Leave it there! Consequences are painful! Life is lessons learned everyday! Make sure you learn from them! I now know my 1st husband has demons coming from a horrible war! He has illness also, stemming from that war! I pray for him! God bless all of us as we move through this life with tough decisions! Consequences can last a lifetime! Move forward with loving kindness for all! Not one person can know the demons that one has had to put to rest! Let your love and compassion flow from you! God is the only one that can take care of all things! Love and Grace to all of you!❤️🤗🤗❤️