Marilyn’s Heart

Good evening. Thursday blog. I fight regret everyday. What good does it do? None!!! Regret is a negative destroyer! Not one thing can be done to change the past, leave it there. If COVID had not come along, I would be with all of my family, at all of the grandchildren’s events and sporting events! I have to tell myself always, be happy with what you are able to do so far. I loved watching our children and everything they were involved in. Grandkids, bring it to a whole new level. I hope I live long enough to see my great grandson play sports! There’s nothing like it. Thank you Lord for all you allow me to do. For all of the fun and love when we are together. I have to fill my mind constantly with family thoughts, and it gives me smiles over and over. God is good. He will fill my gaps. I don’t have time to feel sorry for me!Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog! I a big on making moments count. Especially in light of our last 7 years! None of us knows! When you get the chance to see someone and tell them how you feel, do it. I said what a busy week I have. I was making icing this morning, 2nd day of not walking, I’ll be back at it. Mom got up, did not look good, was in severe left side pain. She has a pacemaker and a pig valve. I was concerned. So, off to the ER. Heart and lungs are good, numbers are good. She is over night at the moment, for observation! I did some icing when I got home, still not done, but I will be. Just that fast a wrench thrown in the works! Take it as it comes! I love that woman. She has gone above and beyond for her family. That’s obvious with us. She moved us in here for safety. Gave us her bedroom. Has my Beagle in the house, where doggies have never lived. Denny passed away here. She is a Wonder Woman. If you believe in prayer, please say some for mom tonight! If all goes well she will be home tomorrow. Hope they find why she has that pain. Grab your parents and loved ones! You never know. God remains good! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. I went to Inkeys tonight for our daughters B-day, with her family. I said she cracks me up. When we were able to have big family holidays, daughter and daughter in law are hilarious together. I love sarcastic humor. Don Rickles and Regis Philbin, just plain funny! That’s my 2 gals when they were together. I really miss those family days! With COVID, I’ll take what I can get. After I got home she sent a text, my title tonight. A video she took, it’s pretty funny! I came home with a light heart, but also thinking of Denny’s past birthdays at Inkeys, it was many! Great memories. So we had some good laughs tonight. I wish my whole family could be together at one time. God willing, maybe! Well, I am off to bed. Still working on cookies for 2 weekend parties. One being my granddaughters. Some family time there. Bowling tomorrow. Loving life and missing Denny, we meet in the middle. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog.I cannot keep my eyes open. I walked 6 miles, made our daughters B-day cake for tomorrow, I made cookie dough, baked half. My cousin came over, an hour later he was in the ER. Prayers for him. They kept him! I went across the field to take care of his Lily dog! She is so sweet, she knows something is up. I just feel drained. God is good, He said rest, so I am! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. You will have trouble and trials of many kind. It is so true. I do not know how one survives the many things that life throws are way. I choke on it everyday. I cling to Gods promises. I wouldn’t be able to breathe or get past the pain I am in. Denny and I went through a lot. As single people, both married before. That always brings its own set of problems. One thing remains through all of our turmoil, love and eventually, true commitment, the kind that comes from God. Don’t wait to long to find them. Tomorrow is 34 weeks of missing him. Thinking of Denny and how much he went through and pictures of last Fall. Not knowing we were facing the end. God says, take heart, I have overcome the world. John 16:33. I can’t imagine facing all of this alone! God is leading me on His path. The only one I want to be on! With God, I can face tomorrow. I might say it through tears. Make no mistake about it, I have Gods peace, joy, love and happiness! For the most part, I have that look on my face. Crying does not wash those truths from God away. I have a very busy week ahead of me. The only way to handle that kind of week, is one day at a time, Dear Lord. God is gracious, God is good, and everyday is a good day, to have a good day. Rest in His arms. We have faced much already. Not just Denny and I, the whole world is coming apart at the seams. Get your Bibles out, read Revelations, this world is hard pressed. Take heart, God will see you through, just ask Him. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️Happy 34 weeks in Heaven. There is not one minute, that you are not missed!🥺🙂❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. It’s a really new normal that everyone wants. Something that all should have been practicing for years! I never heard anything about kindness growing up. My parents were not mean to us, I don’t remember anyone saying kindness. We were to be seen, not heard. I never heard that word at school either. If I did not hear it at home or school, then other households probably did not hear it either. There was a boy in grade school that singled me out. He slugged me in the stomach everyday and I told no one. He and his sister were the meanest and saddest kids I have ever seen. Don’t know what happened to them, in school or life, sad! I don’t think it is easy to be kind, if you are not kind to yourself, how can you be kind to others! People are not jerks, somewhere, at some point in time they were hurt deeply. My grandma lived next door, this is not something I share a lot. She kept troubled children, that were taken from their parents and homes. Those troubled boys took it out on me. The reason I am sharing these things about my past. It caused me to be mean and hateful to more than a couple of people. If you can’t forgive someone for hurting you, how can you be kind to anything or anyone? It took me a long time to learn that. Be loving and kind to all, not what they did. We are all humans, we have all made mistakes. I love to bake anything, but, especially cookies! Denny’s last job was driving for Bartz Viviano. He loved to see their faces light up when receiving flowers. That’s how I feel when I give treats and cookies. You do not have to give anything to anyone. Just kind words of encouragement, a kind look, take a hand, touch a shoulder. Those of you that know me, I do not talk politics or religion to anyone. I do talk about what God and His Son Jesus did for me. So, kindness goes for everyone on Capitol Hill. What happened to them growing up? God loves us all. Praise God, if He started picking and choosing on good works, I would be left out! I’m just asking for all of us, think first, what have they been through, what are they going through right now. Ask God to help you. We are not living in a kind world. Make your own little kindness space. Your face and words might be the only goodness they will ever see and hear. Practice in the mirror. You will be like a kindness magnet. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

I am off to bed. Start fresh tomorrow. Thank you for understanding and your support. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. So many reasons to be happy about things, and I am. I worked today. Cleaning houses does keep the mind busy. Went home, had supper compliments of mom. Got ready for my grandsons football game. Being with family always helps. Driving home, The Old Songs by Barry Manilow, we saw him in concert, came on, just that fast, robbed of my happy time! Grief is so sneaky. How do you make peace with something that is just lurking around constantly? Not really to hurt me, just to let me know, it will always be with me. Once again, I am reminded, it’s always with me, like a shadow, following me everywhere. Catching me off guard again. Dear God, I give you this once again. Show me the way, in a new way, every day. I love you Lord and I trust you and your promises. I will get there. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. Well, I did it! I joined the senior bowlers again. This time, I’m staying, unless I get sick. So, God willing. I was a little nervous. Afraid to venture out of my comfort zone, meaning this bedroom. Two people I bowled with have lost spouses. They welcomed me with open arms. Made me feel at home, the league got cookies. I had fun and a very enjoyable afternoon. Enjoying what Denny loved, bowling! Not bad either, considering I have not bowled for 5 years. Never say never. I was able to talk about Denny and our life and smile. He did make me smile, even when I was mad at him. Where there was great love, there is great grief. I am accepting that. Slowly I will insert myself back into life, and Denny will be in my heart every step of the way. We were joined at the hip, I can’t keep limping. Balance in everything, is healthy. Dear God thank you for speaking to my heart and keeping me sane. I have some great quotes on grief tonight! Good night. God bless.❤️😊🙏🏻😊❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. If you don’t move with it, you might get lost in the shuffle. Denny, without a doubt was the most ambitious man I have ever met. The Toledo Police Department, worked all 3 shifts in a rotation. Your body barely had time to catch up and time for another! He projected many jobs in between to supplement income. I cannot remember a time that he did not bowl. He bowled in high school! A very good bowler, 3 rings to prove it. After we married, he became an umpire, saving all of that game money to take us on vacation every August. Two weeks on the lake in Canada. It was hard for him when his illness kept moving and keeping him from more and more! Driving stopped in 2014, as did umpiring. A couple of years after that he stopped working. When he was ok to be left home, I was on the senior league. He had bowled on it first. He went a couple times, it was to much to watch and not participate. I eventually quit. Our different life was moving quickly. Now, almost 8 months gone from us, it’s time for something different than my bedroom, that I sit in when I am not busy. I do things in here. I don’t just sit and cry. I am starting back to the senior league. I am quite excited, I believe Denny would be excited for me. I pulled my bag out of the garage and cleaned everything shiny. All looks like new. When I met Denny, I would go to the bowling ally’s with him. I couldn’t believe my eyes! How many remember Earl Anthony, the Pro Bowler. Anybody that knew Denny back in the day, knew he bowled just like Earl Anthony. I did not grow up around sports! I was quite proud of his bowling. Even with 2, 300 games, he didn’t think he was that great. He was. It was hard for him to stop. I bowl for fun, I jokingly say, Denny bowled for blood! He pushed himself hard! I was proud of him! I will miss him till the day I die, and I love him more! God help me, it will be like starting over. It’s been like 5 years, could be 6! Just wanted to share his bowling expertise, since I am starting tomorrow. I’m looking forward to chatting. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog. Are expressions of love. I am sure there are many that don’t understand the concept of such a thing. I can assure you, I am not delusional. I love all of my extended family, kids, grandkids, cousins, etc. Just about all of them percentage wise, have tatoos. Now, I understand. Sometimes there are no words for that kind of pain, then pain to self that emerges into a beautiful memorial to your loved one. In pictures. I do understand that now. Live and learn. Never say never. I understand and see past so much more, with the trials God is taking me through. I am still a lump of coal, I hope I am that beautiful diamond when I reach Heaven! Tatoos in memory of Denny, are like love letters to him, on my skin! When I am in a nursing home, I can explain to everyone why! Tyler has done my work, we have had great conversations. They all got a big plate of cookies. Giving cookies makes me happy, especially when I see smiles. If anyone is looking for unique ink, The Brass Monkey is it. Be bold, be brave. It’s not illegal or immoral to get a tatoo. We Reeds have a lot of love to express! I’m the only one that needs to understand! God is good and He still loves me in spite of it all! Good night. God bless. ❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. I don’t think I have anything to say, that you have not already heard! When I was 16, our family went to Florida to see my Grandpa. Any one who knew me then and knows me now, my hair is always fixed, in public, even the beach in Miami. You don’t go to the ocean and not put your feet in. A big wave came, knocked me down and rolled over me. I came out screaming. 32 weeks tomorrow and I’m still screaming from the waves. Waves do not announce themselves. So, you never really know when one is churning. When it knocks you down, you know it! You come back up crying! I had a great day. No walk, raining. 2 church services, Bob Evans in between, for Denny’s pancake, so yummy. When I got home, I decided to sew and work on Christmas sewing. All afternoon. When I put it all away, I jumped in my walking clothes, did 4 miles and 2 blisters to prove it. The reason, I wanted pictures of the sunset. I missed it. Got some color, no sun. 1 deer. I think that’s a good day. I don’t drown in the waves. That’s what’s important. I will never not miss him! This big chunk of my life is gone. I know I have all of the love and precious memories. I know I have a different life now. Whether I want it or not. I just don’t have it straight yet. Bear with me. It has to change a little, right? Good church services today, great messages. In between all of that grief mess, I’m still leaning on my Savior, Jesus! Happy 33 weeks in Heaven! I love you! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. Forever yours means, With love for eternity, or the end of a letter, or just the end. Our only end is here on earth. In the final end, Forever Yours does mean love for eternity. Then we will be complete! No more tears of missing you. I hope your eyes are still blue. Forever we will stand on all of the beautiful shores of eternity, all rolled into one. Maumee River, Lake Erie, Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, Lake Nipissing, Lake Mead, Colorado River, Detroit River, Atlantic Ocean, to name a few. Who doesn’t love being by the water? All were visited and vacationed at over the years! That is how I think of Denny, standing on beautiful shores of Heaven. I cannot even imagine what he is seeing. Forever always sounds like an eternity, when in all reality, it’s a blink. I still find it so hard to believe that our time on earth is over. I wanted so much more time. We humans are selfish. I would never want him to face that kind of suffering again! He is frozen in time, in my mind! Forever he is mine, forever I am his! We said forever a lot towards the end! If I ever get out of debt, if COVID 19 ever gives us any kind of freedom, I would like to travel to the places we wanted to see! Nothing wrong with dreaming, I am only 67! I’m also not afraid to do things on my own. For now, I will dream on paper! Pretty words on paper! God is the one who writes the most beautiful of words on paper, called The Bible, it is everything in one book! A map for our lives, when we feel lost. I know I am not lost, but, it sure feels like it. I miss him with everything in me. I do not like my new normal. It’s painful. A lump in my chest, sick feeling in my stomach. God is still good. His plans never fail. God will lead the way, I will follow. Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Friday blog. Sometimes we skirt around topics. I love before and after pictures of anyone and everyone. Obviously they put in work somewhere at some point in time! All of TV talk shows and magazines zero in on how wonderful change can be and is. So far, I am fortunate enough to still have a success story, 10 years later! I started at 234! Unfortunately, many have gained back at least half of the weight they lost, after surgery. When I had my 9 year check up last November, she said it is rare for a person to still be losing weight 9 years out. An addictive personality is not a good thing, but it can be changed and reversed. Recovery for addiction, I have said many times, the best thing that has ever happened to me. For me, changed my life, saved my life. All of my numbers before surgery were sky high. Depression weighing on me. Weight loss is not going to fix you or bring you happiness, if you don’t fix what is going on in your head. I use to control my weight, but over the years, I call it, for me, lazy weight. It comes from not loving yourself and not taking care of yourself! You have to know, you are worth it! Now, I am tired of hearing, you do not need to lose anymore weight. I eat 3 meals a day, and I have snacks. I just cannot stuff myself. I still get sick if I indulge. I have not been sorry one day since I had it done. In this 10 years that has passed, a lot of life happened. In the beginning I wanted to be small again and pleasing to my husbands eyes. He loved me just the way I was. I did not love me. I gained even more weight when my dad passed away. Not knowing how to grieve properly. Two years out, I started to gain weight from a medication, I had 3 joint replacements from being heavy. Wearing out my own body. I was down to 160 lbs. I gained 30 lbs. back and kept it on for 3 years. Got off of that med. Started choosing positive behaviors for the negatives. Walking was one of them. In 2015, walking took off the 30 lbs. and 20 more. Wow, walking does work. I started feeling great. Even with many setbacks, I got right back as soon as I could. To this day I have not given it up. I am at 125, and a whole lot of inches. I am also healthy now. Denny, my husband of 42 years became sick in 2013. Gods plans are better than ours. He knew I would need to be healthy, mentally, physically and spiritually for what was ahead of us. This past January I lost my love, my best friend, the one who loved me through it all. I loved him through it all. I did receive the strength to take care of Denny night and day. With a very supportive family, that has loved me through it all. I will not dishonor his memory by going backwards. I have moments when I feel destroyed! I know I am not and I rise above. Because of Jesus who went to the cross for me, even me! Amen! Please take care of your bodies, you only get one! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. It is 11:00pm. Way past my bedtime. I went to my grandsons football game. He scored 3 touchdowns. Going to bed! I will write 1st thing tomorrow after my walk! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. After Grief Share last week, I have been analyzing my moods and feelings! I myself am not living a sad or defeated life. My spouse of 42 years, total time together was 45 years. I am sad. No other way to describe it. It hurts to my very core! I also have happiness everyday. Because I decide how the day will be. I could sit and cry all day and make myself sick. Not a very good example or witness! My Psychiatrist tells me, she thinks I am amazing. Quite a compliment! My Recovery Therapist says, I am a strong woman. If anything was going to take me down, it would be what I am going through. Believe me, I did not go through all of that to rise above, to hurt and disappoint my whole family and once again be a bad example. Death does not have to break you, it can make you! That was my plan all along. My granddaughter told me the other night, she is proud of me and how far I have come! No way am I destroying that. So, I will keep pushing forward with deliberate decisions for each new day. For each new day is a new slate. Amen! The past few days, although still tears, they have been great days. Filled with fun, love and family. Life goes on. I can still miss him through all of that. We decide. Make your decisions count. God is good. It’s ok to not be ok, once in awhile. God understands! I decide, God has 1st place always! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. Mom had so many Birthday wishes! All across the USA! Pizza, pie and cake. Family called and stopped by. She had quite a day. She was tired, went right to bed. Which is where I am heading. She had a wonderful day. Appreciate your Birthdays, you don’t know if it’s your last! God is good. Thank you family and friends for making her feel special! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog. 8 months today, still unreal. I don’t know if it will ever really sink in! No walk because of storms. Made moms Peach Birthday Pies. Her favorite, Peach anything! My youngest grandson asked for Paprika’s last Spring. Then the pandemic and distancing. Today he got it. He kept saying how good it was. You have no idea what those words do for my heart. Cooking and baking so much a part of our lives. I sooo miss our holidays in our old farmhouse in the city, that was not safe for us anymore! We did the right thing, I still miss it. I miss it all. Here is my tribute post for Denny this morning. It’s 9:10pm, I am tired. God is so good to us. I cannot thank Him enough for His promises! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. God knows my mind and heart. I don’t have to be sitting in this room to cry. Whatever I’m doing that we might have done together, brings tears. We did a lot together. When we sing about heaven at church, I cry, thinking of the day we will be together. I get choked up when I eat a pancake, because he loved pancakes and he never got to enjoy another one. Food should not be taken for granted. A lot of things should not be taken for granted. People, health, life. Many have been denied a full life! Only God holds the answers! Do we really want to know anything when we get there? Answers would cause us pain all over again. Since there is no pain or tears in Heaven, we will just have perfect peace. The old has passed away. Gods plans are so much higher than ours! I remind myself of these things. Both church services were great messages! Great reminders, not to forget the the cost of our salvation. The price that was paid for us who do not deserve! I think of it daily, especially with Denny being in heaven where I want to be. I have not lost my joy in the Lord! I push through the tears and still smile for the gift that took place at Calvary for sinners like Denny and I. When I look at the clouds I see Denny and I have peace, that passes all understanding. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. I chose this title tonight, because of all of the memories that keep popping up on FB everyday! I believe that is a wonderful feature to take us back to a place in time! It was August of 2019 that things started going downhill. Therapy was not helping him anymore. The longer he went without moving the worse it became! It was hard to witness. We did not want to believe it was happening! So everyday has been pictures of him at hospitals and nursing homes, with me or our children and grandchildren! If someone had said we should be prepared, I don’t know if I would have believed them. But, we would have had a big ????? I would have brought him home! I know all of this is hind sight. I believe my sadness and sadness of our children is from going through the memories this fall as we relive last Fall. We don’t want it erased, there our special memories. This is the first year of all the firsts. Makes it all very hard. Bittersweet memories. I won’t give up any of them. I don’t and won’t live in regret. I lived with him over half of my life. I was only 21 when we met. He had already put in a lot of life at 31. Many thought we would never make it. We fooled them all. It was touch and go for awhile, God was continually gluing us back together. By the way, it’s the only glue that works. Our grieving together is far from over. Still, I will keep moving forward with the help of God and my grief group! Their great and have been through loss also. Like minds. We all need helping hands together. Just being with them again was a help. I know I don’t have to go it alone! Here is something to think about. Denny bought me 3 Phantom Of The Opera tickets for my 50th Birthday. I took our 2 children, we ate at Olive Garden, my all time favorite time with them as adults! It’s a memory in my scrapbook, as I started reading, the play was on January 27th 2003. Denny passed away on January 27th 2020, also the day of our grandsons 15th Birthday 2020. Coincidence, I don’t think so. Denny had his ways, God has better ways! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Friday blog. I heard an old Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers song the other day. One I have not heard in a long time. Take the time to read the words, very much Denny and I. We didn’t always act like we were in love, but we were always. We really put each through some rough stuff. When push came to shove, our love never stopped. If anything it grew stronger through our trials. When the dust started to settle, Denny became very ill. I had to get through my issues quickly. The Parkinson’s diagnosis came in 2014. You cannot prepare yourself for that either. After years of turmoil, our love grew in ways that one cannot imagine, unless you have been there. It wasn’t Aruba, but it was real love, the kind Jesus talks about. The loving, forgiving, understanding, Jesus please carry me kind! My heart and outlook on life is forever changed, because of Parkinson’s and what it did to all of us. Especially Denny and I. Sitting together holding hands in countless hospitals and homes and our last months together in this bedroom! Now, I treasure every moment we were given so I could take care of him! God and His plan carried us through! To the end! Thank you Jesus! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog.I am taking tonight off! Evenings are my worst while writing about Denny and I. I did work today and went to the class starting back for the fall. Please excuse me. I just want to go to bed! Thank you for understanding. I’ll be back tomorrow. God is good! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️On my way to Grief Share! I am happy in the Lord! My grief is overwhelming! Heal me Lord!🥺💔❣️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. Only God knows the storms He sees us through and why! Death of our loved ones is promised for all of us! The painful storms are not knowing when, how, age. None of us could possibly prepare for any of it in advance! We have, we must accept what we cannot change, no matter how untimely or how painful! I knew it was coming. It was like a big black storm cloud moving over us. We had to remain strong and ride it out! I’m still and I’m sure if we all want to be honest, our family is dealing with the devastation of loss. A storm we could not stop. We couldn’t take cover, we had to hang on. I still feel sick from all that transpired that weekend, yet, it’s like a blur, a bad dream, that I’ll never wake up from! Of course, we know death is a fact of life! It’s so painful! I still have to tell myself to breathe! I feel like I keep repeating myself, trying to talk myself out of pain. For those of you that have been down this road, you know what I’m talking about, right? My mind tells me all of the right things everyday. My heart is not listening! Will the two ever catch up and be one? Busy all day is best. I know God has me, I trust He knows best. I just feel so raw. I would never wish this on any of you. I don’t care how angry you make each other, you married each other for a reason, cherish your moments. They are short. I still cannot believe it all happened, yet it plays over and over in my mind! Tomorrow, when I wake up to a brand new day, I’ll be fine once again. This to shall pass! Storms do not last forever. Sometimes the sun shines through the storm and that beautiful rainbow promises, the storm is over. Hang on tight, we do not know the time, or when. Storms will come. I can look at his picture and still smile, for all he gave and all we had together, our life, our family. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. Who made that statement, probably had zero tolerance! I am patient with others, I hope. I do not cut myself a lot of slack. I think I am at a 50/50 I smile as much as I cry or I cry as much as I smile. Do not have it all figured out. Emotions and moods, to many faces to keep up with! I had my Recovery Therapist on FaceTime today, good chat. He felt the same as my Dr. He sees no signs of depression. I have been seeing him since 2015, he thinks he can read me pretty well. I was a mess when he met me! Does patience fall in the 21 days for a new habit category? I know I need to practice what I preach! Then grief gets in the way! Cannot wait to start Grief Share again! It helps when you are with like minds! I want my mind, body and soul to be in sync. Spiritual, mental and physical. I think they all work together to give us a healthy look at life and at ourselves, our way of thinking, treating others and ourselves. Practice makes perfect, with Gods help along the way. Good night God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog. This is going to be short. I am overwhelmed with sadness today. 31 weeks ago we had to say goodbye! I am exhausted from thinking about it. This is not a normal day for me. I still walked, I took pictures, I am happy talking to deer, no comments, I smile, I laugh, mom and I visited my son, talked to my daughter, had some laughs with my cousin. My emotions and feelings just roll like massive waves. I was to my Dr. last week, she does not think I’m depressed and I trust her judgement. It’s exhausting trying to keep up. God is good and I do trust Him and what He has for me. I guess I’ll just keep riding the waves, like a surfer. I have to keep my heart in a light mood or keep trying anyway. I do love all of you, each one of you special to my heart and how I know you. As always, thank you for your support and listening. Tomorrow a new day, I’ll be walking and talking, God willing! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. Negative-Positive talk. One of my favorite topics! When Denny was a Police Officer, he looked sooo handsome in his uniform, of course the gun goes with it. I was afraid of his gun. I had respect for it! It was not meant to be in my hands or our children. It was part of his uniform and job! Today I had opportunity to see 2 guns, how they are handled and shot. Watching them made me wonder, what is there to be afraid of? What would that be like?I was asked, want to? I said yes. I shot more than once. I hit the target board, not the ground! I don’t want to own one. I did walk away not afraid! That’s a positive thing. When a woman is suddenly alone, and was taken care of her whole life, like a baby. She needs to grow up quickly and learn to not be afraid of life, and take care of herself and her needs! I have a long list. Shooting a gun was not on my bucket list. That doesn’t mean I cannot try it! I actually felt pretty good about it! I still believe, you have to have respect for guns. Life can be taken away quickly. So, on my bucket list, do not be afraid to try new things. Step out of your comfort zone. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me! Philippians 4:13 Next, Hot Air Balloon!🎈🎈🎈He also protects me. My granddaughter said, papa is looking down and proud of you. I sure hope so. I live for that thought! I sure was proud of him! God is good! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. What’s your mountain? Do you have one? Sometimes we don’t know, and it could be right in front of us! I didn’t know things, past things, can be conquered, if you are willing to put in the time and effort! I didn’t know I needed recovery, until I got into recovery. Then, I wanted to tackle it with everything in me. I want to remain that way. Strength comes with recovery, not giving into the weakness that will take you down. Every bodies is different. What’s a problem for me, might be unimaginable to you. Or the other way around. I have had some pretty tall mountains. I did not think I could climb! I tell myself everyday, yes you can, don’t give up now. Your race is not done until your last breath. That was Denny, he tackled, he fought the good fight. It might look like he did not win, but, he did. The race for eternal life with Jesus! That’s my goal. To get there and walk with both of them! Remember, the Victory is already won. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Friday blog. What’s your dream? Didn’t we all have dreams at some point in time? I did. They were not big career plans. I always wanted to look nice, but, never thought I did. If someone said it, I didn’t believe them! I grew up in the traditional home. Mom married young, had me a year later, then my sister 13 months later! We were like twins. Mom dressed us alike! All of that life as my example, it is all I ever wanted! I married very young and just like that, I didn’t want to be married anymore. I flew by the seat of my pants. Making very rash decisions. Not once thinking of consequences! Then I met Denny, and I thought my world would be perfect. We were not perfect, through trial and error, we found our real selves, real love, not perfect love. When we put our life back in Jesus hands, what a difference. We could face tomorrow, because He lives! We could smile and smile at each other, even through the most painful of days. His diagnoses and my recovery. We found real happiness and joy with each other even through the tears and pain of the unknown. Denny’s story is over, mine is not. I will keep his story alive as I continue with mine! Never give up and never give into negativity, it can eat you alive! Discover new things every day. Because, you are worth it! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. I really do count my blessings. I miss Denny so much, he was a very special blessing, every single day. Nothing could ever replace that. It has been a big birthday month, which means I got to be with a lot of my family. Two soccer games and tomorrow night football, at Clay High School. One granddaughter plays the flute and one granddaughter is a cheerleader. I do hope I see some old friends. We really can’t tell who each other is with masks on. Kind of like Halloween every day. I love seeing the past. I cannot believe that August is almost over. It has been a busy month. Even in grieving, I have so much to be thankful for, I just look around and it’s all there. Pizza and cake was tonight for the cheerleaders B-day. It is late again! Count your blessings! There right in front of you! Thank you lord for all of mine. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. For those of you that do not know, our love grew out of a car accident and a ticket, from the policeman to the Dunkin Donut waitress! I love our story, our kids and grandkids do also. You can’t imagine, so many ups and downs in a whirlwind relationship. We were engaged in 4 weeks. We were married 42 years before he passed away. Together 45 years. We learned a lot from each other, not always good! But, we learned through trial and error, from each other. Personal growth took some time. With each hit our relationship and marriage took, we rose above, still clinging to hope, faith, and forever love. In the end when our eyes constantly met, we knew we loved each other way beyond what anyone could imagine. We never stopped loving each other. In the end, we only had faith and love! Through adversity we became stronger, softer, caring and appreciative of each other. The grief from losing your spouse, there are no words. As positive, happy and joyful as I can be all day, that’s how much pain and sorrow spills out of my eyes at night! When all I have is a picture to say good night to. Please do not think I am doom and gloom tonight, I never feel that way. I miss him and it feels like my heart is going to crack more than it already has! Grief Share starts tomorrow night, I have a grandchild birthday party. I will probably stay in that class until I die! Through all of this, God remains my anchor. I will give this to God again tonight, like every night. God will whisper go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day. I always look forward to a new day. That means new possibilities! I and my mind remain open to God! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. August is a big Birthday month with our kids and grandkids! Sports are allowed now, with limited tickets. My second soccer game tonight. My sons family, all there. My daughters family, this week. One plays the flute and I am going to the football game. The other has a birthday. All of my grandkids in one week. Bliss!!! Soccer, means home late. God said get some sleep. I love my family! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog. I think tonight I will just share my post from this morning. 30 weeks, I cannot even say it without falling apart. My heart and my mind keep getting mixed up. I did 6 miles this morning. I baked cookies, had some errands to run. Mom wanted tacos, she couldn’t wait till Tuesday! Lol, see, I can be funny. Maybe not! I look at his picture constantly. Seems like he has been gone forever, then, like just yesterday. I miss his company, I miss the things he would say to either make me laugh or get a rise out of me. He did stare at me a lot. I guess that was a compliment. I hope it was a good reason. We certainly built a great bond between us while in this bedroom, we called home. Now I say, it’s my apartment. Everyone needs space. This is mine! God is good. He will meet my needs. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog.I have some very fond memories of Sunday’s past. Starting when I was young! My dad took my sister and I to church with his mom, my grandma. My mom always had a big dinner ready when we got home. My mom was an excellent cook and baker in her day. Now, she feels she paid her dues! When she wants to she can still put together a good meal. My dad loved her cooking and baking, as Denny did mine. The older I got, the more I only wanted homemade, from scratch all the way. I still do. Someday maybe we can have big family meals again. My favorite thing. It’s not the same without Denny, it never will be like that again. I still want the next generations to know! Growing up, dad would take us for rides on Sunday and ice cream. After Denny and I had our youngest, we started church with some neighbors! In my opinion, it was some of our very best years as a family. Sunday school, church, all kinds of potlucks and holiday parties and friends! Time marches on, things change, our families grew up. I will be honest, I did not like the empty nest years. But, then came in law children and that produced my beautiful grandchildren. I absolutely don’t know what I would do without them. Like raising a second family! I have always loved Sunday as the day of rest, set aside by God! To this day, I try not to do work on Sunday! You have six days to get it done. I know that is hard with such busy schedules! I spent my morning at church. Mask and all, we are still with people. A basic human need! I was also with family, which makes me smile for the rest of the day. Busy week coming up to close out August. Get ready for Fall! God is showing me the way everyday. Time changes many things. Nothing can change memories. They are mine. Just felt like sharing my Sunday’s! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. I am learning more everyday how I have to break each day down into bits. So I can process where my feelings are at. I must not forget, one day at a time, always! We are not promised one minute more, let alone a whole day. Tackle each thing I have on my list, notes and more notes. I cannot have enough of them. I am a visual person. In my grief, it clouds my vision of what my day should look like. I just need to keep putting my healthy grief lessons into practice everyday. From sunup to sundown. Crying and sadness has its place. I just cannot let it control me, and take away the things I need to do. God has to be first. I have no life without Him. Everything I have done with Him or without Him, has led me to the place I am at right now. Gods plans for me are perfect. His grace covers me everyday, when I leave it all at the cross. I can do this. I will come out on the other side, when God reunites Denny and I. Oh glory day. It’s just a blink away. Praise God for His plans. On my own, it’s a mess. One day at a time Sweet Jesus, one day at a time. I love that song. Read this beautiful song, titled:Everyday, Hillsong Worship. Seek the Lord, while He can be found! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Friday blog. I am at peace in many areas. Missing Denny is not one of them! A memory just came through from last August 21st. I was walking in the early morning, my post said how sad my heart was. He was still in the hospital. Today the 21st of August, he is in Heaven and peace I do have. Gods peace that passes all understanding keeps me looking toward Heaven when I can see him. I am not dying of a broken heart, it just feels like it. I can’t wait to go to sleep at night, I know I will wake rested and another day will move forward. No matter what time I rise, always by 4:30am, my routine remains the same. Coffee, time with Jesus, make the bed, jump in my shoes and out the door. Where the air feels wonderful. Where I talk to God and nature, surrounded by beautiful everywhere I look. How can I not thank my God. I am not sad at the park. I think to myself how beautiful Heaven must be. It goes way beyond the beauty of the park. I know Denny is surrounded by perfect peace, with harps, flutes and Angels. Where the light is so bright, you can see forever. None of us knows when, but, what a reunion that will be. That makes me smile through tears. Denny is pain free and I am not. It’s a very different pain, that can be endured. I do have work here yet, I pray! I am getting my nails done in the morning at my granddaughters Salon. I can’t wait. Nails are always a treat for me. Tomorrow night, finally, I can see my grandson play high school soccer. Tomorrow will be fun. The photo I am sharing tonight is, 10 days before Denny left us. Then the joy of new life in my arms. I wanted a picture of the 3 of us. God is good always. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. Not much of a blog tonight. I have been sitting here for 1 1/2 hour. It’s been a weepy evening! I can’t even put my finger on it! My day went great. I really got a lot done. But, when it comes, I don’t hold back. The last thing I want or need is depression. So, I just want all of you to know how thankful I am that you take the time to read my heart. Tonight, it just feels broken. Yet, it still swells with love and thanksgiving. Tomorrow is a new day, with new thoughts! A good nights sleep is helpful also. God is good, He knows when I’m tired and my heart is downcast. Sweet dreams. Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. I talk a lot about memories. Now, I tell people, take special pictures. It’s all you will have someday! Then there is the Facebook memories that do not die. I year ago today Denny failed his swallow test while in the hospital. It was pretty shocking to us that he could not eat anymore. We took a lot of pictures last fall. When you know, you just know! I was just begging God, please. Just please. We just did not want him to suffer! I know he did! I will be fast gearing to some good memories when I get done here! If you still have your spouse or partner, make your moments count. It all seems so short. So last Fall are very bittersweet memories. We knew we were experiencing our last’s. This year, our firsts without him! I’m not going to lie, it still just plain hurts! The rest of my week will be as busy as the last couple of days. Positive busy works best for me. So, I put it in Gods hands everyday, where it belongs. I cling to the promises and good memories! That’s all we can do, until I see him! God is still good. Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Tuesday blog. It has a face, a personality, and that has long been hidden as something to be ashamed of and certainly not dinner conversation! I cannot remember a happy time ever, from grade school. I did not know how to relate to much. I believe as part of my mental problems, that I am ADHD. Couple that with bipolar, that was not diagnosed till I was in my 40’s. I suffered quite a few years, silently. Constantly looking for something somewhere to make me happy. It is a vicious cycle. I had all of my happiness right in front of me. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes. I see clearly the gifts I have and the one I lost. I miss him so much. Praise God for setting us on a straight path. Denny and I survived and through recovery, I am able to see clearly, consequences of wrong choices. Whether you did things with a clear mind or not, there are consequences. If I had not recovered, I do not know what his illness and death would have done to me. I am not perfect, I do and say things that are not always the best. I do not get upset with constructive criticism. My family knows that I am still a work in progress! Aren’t we all? At my age, to accept myself right where I am at, is a good thing! I don’t ever want to stop learning. I want to be open to growth in all areas of life. These are all positive moves forward. I am just plain grateful and thankful, for Doctors, Therapists, Counselors and medication. They all work together. Do not be afraid or ashamed to reach out. I was on FaceTime today with my therapist. If any of you need help, the Zeph Center is 24/7. Go to YouTube and check out, Zeph Center Prevention. Watch it in your own home. Countless videos. We are living in very stressful times right now. You are worth it! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog! Everyday when we open our eyes, that’s your second chance at change! Your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children, or friends are not the reasons why your stuck! You can blame everyone everywhere, in the end, it’s just you! I will be forever grateful for all of the change in my life that gave me the strength to be Denny’s caregiver. I would not change a thing. Not where he was concerned. Denny was my priority and I’m thankful. I was in bondage for along time. I also blamed everyone and everything that touched my life. Why would I take responsibility for things I had no control over. I had control over me. You are the only person that can change you. Everything we choose has a consequence attached to it and then we sit and wonder why. I really believed I was to far gone. More excuses. I just existed everyday wondering why nobody wants me to have fun! I’m thankful for children that followed through, to help me get to the right place. In the end it was me that had to make the right decisions for me. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28. Through tears everyday, I choose joy and happiness. Think about it. Aren’t you worth a smile at yourself everyday. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. How about it? We all have stuff going on. Stuff that is important to me, might mean 0 to you. It’s all about what a person has going on! We all have a lot on our plate and yet some of us can handle it as it comes and some cannot. I use to be part of the cannot. Now, I say I can, even if it is with a big question mark. Recovery taught me a lot back in 2016. I year I had not gambled. Now it’s 5 years. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary for walking. These numbers are the longest I have stuck to anything. The benefits of changing lifestyle, turning negatives to positives! In the beginning I was fearful. I would think, what’s going to happen if Denny passes. Will I relapse, will I go off of the deep end? My therapist said the other day, that I am an inspiration! I said, that’s funny, that’s how I think of you. Talk about a changed life. I needed to clean up my life. Every time I added a positive, a negative had to go. Gambling had taken over my life. Everyone knew it, in my family, except me. I say this all the time, jokingly, but I mean it. Do not wait until you are 63 to clean up your life and to grow up. I am thankful for so much. Not enough space here to list it all. I can say this even while grieving. My daughter told me yesterday, I was having flashbacks, tears taking me down. She reminded me when that happens I need to replace it right away with a happy time and a happy memory. It’s good to be reminded. It’s good to know that God is my refuge and He pulled me out of the pit. Not so I could fall back in. Don’t be afraid to tell your loved ones if you are having a rough time. Don’t go it alone. Reach out, you are loved by family and friends. If you are hurting, we are hurting with you. It’s nice to grow a little differently every day. 21 days to form a new habit. Just start picking and choosing. It will happen. You have to want it, and I do. God is always good. Thanks for listening. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. Hero=Denny. Denny=Hero. I know I talk about Denny all the time. He was like magic. Like a Knight in shining armor. He was in the hospital for 9 weeks in 2013. I believe that was the start of Parkinson’s. Diagnosed in 2014. I can’t speak for our kids, but, I did not know anything about that disease. It was a lot to learn. Now I know more about it, than I want to. It’s different for each person. It is no discriminator of anything. Man, woman, race, age, color. No timeline for how long, or how less time it takes to attack you, and all of you. I know Denny felt powerless a lot on how fast some things changed. It’s hard to keep fighting when you can’t stand up. It was very frustrating to him. We did take a mini trip to Columbus for a Parkinson’s seminar. It was very informative. He exercised without the walker, which was amazing. In the end, it was a brutal disease. Please, if any of you get sick, become informed about your illness.There are things the kids and I want to do in his name, to honor him and the fight he had. Then the world shut down. All in time. He is a Hero to many. He was a well respected man in all of his endeavors. His work ethic was like none I have ever seen! When he was well, he was a wonderful example! Even with him gone, he is teaching us a lot. I pray I can handle things the way he did. Style and grace. Thank you dear God for showing us the way through our many trials in this life! God is good. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening! Friday blog! I have been doing something about grief every day. No, the crying has not stopped. I really don’t care if it doesn’t stop. I know where I am in this walk! I’m not perfect. Nor do I want to act like I am! I don’t think this pain is going anywhere. I don’t think I want it too. But, I can laugh and not feel guilty. I go to places on purpose, that makes me feel my love for him and how he loved me! Without crying! If tears come, I deal with it. Don’t ever be ashamed of your tears, whatever the reason. Tears can be healing in many ways! I am, who I am, tears and all. God gave me a wonderful husband. Does that mean everything was wonderful all the time? No! I can look in the mirror and say, you did the best, with what you had and knew! I am not filled anymore with garbage from my past, present and a lot of future, I hope. Trying to carry Denny’s past, which can’t be done! I’m not crazy, I do talk to his police picture, the one I am sharing. He looks the most understanding and caring in that one. I do believe he can hear me and see me! My hope is in Jesus and heaven. All will continue and be well with my soul. I will honor him and continue to honor his memories and all we did together and as a family. Praise God for memories! I surprise myself, when I recover after a good cry. Healing tears. I like me now, she is doing good with her health and her grief. I think she will keep going. After all she has a lot to live for! Denny would like that. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. Where do I begin? You cannot dwell on things that have not happened yet, but, yet, you know! I tried to take Denny out as much as I could. We had a few short road trips. You know how memories pop up every day on FB. One year ago today, Denny and I were at Outback Steakhouse eating shrimp. Denny’s favorite! Four days later he was in the hospital. What a long ordeal that all became. So you could say that was his last big yummy meal. Once his throat stopped there was no more. If anyone would of told us that, we would not have believed them. When I was walking today, I started thinking about Inkeys Italian! When I met Denny I had never been there. My love for pizza turned it into a favorite! We went there a lot. We celebrated his birthdays there a lot. After all of these years, the same waitress was working. We have so many pictures of him sitting at Inkeys. Cake, balloons. Big smile. He loved it when we were all together at a restaurant. I did too. He loved parties at home also! I will always miss those family days. God has been good to us. Our hearts and minds are flooded with memories. So, today, I just wanted a slice of the past. What better place. Choose to fill your days with joy and love. I choose that for mine, minus my special one. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Wednesday blog. I cannot say enough, what walking and exercise has done for me. My cousin used to tell me he got high from running. I laughed at him. Now he laughs at me. I don’t have anything stopping me from staying out, as long as I want. 7 miles today. It makes me happy. Walking is my friend. It does good things for me. Makes me feel good. Something to look forward to. Keeps me in good mental balance, spiritual balance and physical balance. I am 67, and in better shape and health than when I was 20. I abused myself most of the time when I was young and small, I starved myself to get there. That’s not a good thing to do. My Grief Group online is great. Like having a therapist 24/7. We are all in agreement, we are in pain, with broken hearts. Like minds! Good pep talks! Very uplifting! I am just going to keep on doing all of the right, positive things, until I come out on the other side. There is another side! God is my leader and protector! He will roll that black cloud away. While I keep looking for ways to live my new norm! Is there such a thing? Lol! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening.Tuesday blog. I do not like my new title. I have avoided it as much as I can. My profiles say wife widow. I really loved being a wife. Especially to Denny. He loved my pancakes with bacon. He liked cereal to. One of the hardest parts of this whole widow thing, how do you go from 500 to 0 in a blink! 45 years I lived with him. To talk to, to pray with, to share advice, a meal together everyday, until retirement, when he became ill, three meals a day. To smell his clothes everyday, to kiss and be kissed, say and hear, good night, I love you. Little things, that countless people take for granted, myself included! Denny worked right up until he got sick. He did not see a day of not working. It was the norm for him. You understand what I am saying! One day they are there and the next, gone. I don’t just miss him, I miss the whole thing of our marriage and what it brought to us. My life changed instantly. Everything together, became only one. The whole world shutting down has not helped! It just shows me, as hard as all of this is, it would be a lot harder without God in my life. His love, promises and protection are all I need. He proves it to me every day. Hold tight to what you have. I can’t even describe how much it hurts! It hurts just to call myself a widow. God is good! Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Monday blog. We have choices everyday. If we take a few minutes to collect our thoughts for the day, when we get up. We can plan in our head or write it on paper, as a guide, before we react to something, and then be sorry the rest of the day. Not able to move past. For me, I sleep no later than 5:00am. I turn the light on and ask God, please show me the way, so I don’t stumble and fall. I have enough bumps and bruises to last a lifetime. It’s what I do with it. When I am coming out of the park in the morning, all of the golfers are driving in. Most are the same people! I get off of the road for them. I smile and wave at everyone. My daughter said, why do you wave at everyone? Half don’t wave back. I say, half do wave back. That might be the funniest thing they see for the day or appreciate it. I don’t cry just for my loss, countless others are hurting. Like my kids and grandkids. I know they miss him! It is still really hard to believe that he is gone. My heart looks for him in a million different ways! We wanted an Aruba trip. If you think, we should go on a trip, just the two of us! But, it never came. I look at pictures of Aruba. Of course COVID, has made it easy to not have guilt over these things, because we are not safe anywhere! So I say, make some staycations in your backyard! You can take pictures, make them fancy. Use cute props! Then you will have things to post. My favorites are Anniversary pictures. I love, love. Make everyday important. Don’t be selfish. If you think you screwed something up, don’t be defeated, tomorrow is a new chance. Denny and I were all about second chances and third and fourth! I have a hole in my heart, that no needle and thread can ever fix. Gods hand is out to me, I grab it everyday like a lifeboat. Sometimes I think it’s sinking, it’s not. After my bloodwork this morning, I had a little impromptu shopping with my daughter. She finds the coolest places. This little shop is the old United Brethren Church, in Walbridge. What a surprise. It has an old fashioned ice cream counter and a sitting room to eat it in. Antiques everywhere. Look for the silver lining, or the rainbow. Stay on the positive side. Don’t put more importance on the ones that are gone, when you are surrounded by the living! Of course they will always be important. I cannot do anything for Denny anymore, except honor the life he had and I tell everyone what a wonderful man I was given. I will miss him until God takes me! Let’s all take care of each other. We are all hurting some place! I still forget to breathe. God and God alone holds me. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Sunday blog. When I was growing up, there was not a lot open. Sunday’s were respected. Now with the COVID, the illness is the respected one, if you are following rules, mandates and, for the love of a mask! I must say, people have gotten very creative with there masks. Kinda fun looking at everybody’s. It’s the first thing you see. My main concerns with being around people, not my family, people in general, are my mom and our sweet little man. I went to church, there is something special about being there. As I looked around, all of the extra special stuff is gone. No coffee, drink your coffee at home or take a big mug. These are wonderful things to have to greet people, but now, we are focusing on Jesus and the health of others! Is Jesus trying to get our attention? I think so. Just some thought provoking things! Got to get to bed! A fasting blood test in the morning for my wellness checkup next week! Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Saturday blog. Today was another family day. Yesterday shopping with my daughter. Riding in the car together, always laughter. Today, Birthday with daughter in law and family. And of course that includes my special little man. He absolutely melts my heart. As happy as he makes my heart, that’s how sad my heart gets. That he will never know his great papa. Only through pictures and my stories! I have such a wonderful time with all of my family, kids and grandkids. I honestly don’t know after I get home, why I flip like a coin. Will there ever be a day without tears? I sure don’t feel like it when it is happening. It just drains me. But yet, I wake refreshed and am even better after my walk! So, I am thankful that I don’t stay in that place. It sure hurts when I’m there! Thank you family for always lifting me with love. My heart is broken and it’s in Gods hands. He is the healer and way maker. I will come out on the other side. God is good and I know it. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Friday blog. I do love to smile, and I try to keep it even with tears. Denny always told how much he loved my smile. I loved his smile, but, he did not believe me! I kept telling him! Mom and I laugh at each other, with each other and sometimes we don’t even know why we are laughing. It feels good afterwards! My favorites, laughing with my kids even in pain, laughing with my grandkids, and laughing and making my new great grandchild laugh. It does not take much to get a big smile out of him! My daughter and daughter in law, I like to call comedians. They are funny. They put life into the party. Well they did, when we were allowed parties! That’s hard! When I sit and think of our life, being bipolar together and not knowing, was not funny. But after Doctors, hospitals and finally right medications, I learned to laugh with it, Denny, not so much. He had a hard time with stigma! You have to learn how to laugh at yourself, in a humorous way. For instance, I think this is funny, it did get a chuckle out of Denny. When we would go to our clinic, our two favorite nurse’s would say, here comes our favorite bipolar couple! I would say, you mean there’s more? We would have a good laugh. I am not ashamed of my illness. I am happy I can talk about it with humor! God does not make junk! I think we can all agree, that laughter is good medicine. If you have not learned how to laugh at yourself, you need to learn. Especially in these tough times right now! Laughter is good for the soul and whatever ails you. Good night. God bless!❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️

Good evening. Thursday blog. Isn’t that a nice thing to say to someone? I think so. It’s also that beautiful, old song, from the movie, The Notebook. If you have not seen that love story, you should. I have always been a sap for love stories. Each one that comes out was my new favorite. I just get lost in the whole story. Why can’t the whole world be like that? Why do we look at people and label them? We all have hearts, souls, and minds, and let’s not forget, feelings. Words leave just as many scars, if not more. Why can’t we look in their eyes and know that they need love. I believe the heart and soul need to be fed, everyday, just like the stomach and body. Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live by bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4 Life is painful, none of us is without scars! It’s what we do with it. You can use your scars to help and build up or to tear down and destroy. I want the first one. I want to be a helper. I still say this to Denny, I’ll be seeing you. I think that’s why I love the sky so much. I see much. We still love each other. We are just apart for awhile. Good night. God bless.❤️🤗🙏🏻🤗❤️